Becoming and being a teacher through emotion discourse: a case study of a novice EMI teacher

ABSTRACT

While the research field of English-as-Medium-of-Instruction (EMI) in China has experienced growth in recent years, covering topics ranging from top-down policies to classroom implementations and teachers’ needs, there has been limited attention given to the lived emotional experiences of EMI teachers and how such experiences influence their teaching practices and identity construction. This study adopts a case study design to investigate the teacher identity of a novice lecturer of EMI in a Chinese higher education institute, examining the role of emotions in shaping EMI teacher identity. Multiple data sources, including interviews, reflective journals, and digital conversations and posts, were collected from September 2021 to June 2022. Data analysis was conducted both inductively and deductively. The analysis reveals that, firstly, emotion discourses give teachers a chance to be aware of their identity construction, and secondly, emotions are not solely individual encounters but are intertwined with social and cultural contexts. This study encourages EMI teachers to embrace their lived emotional responses and contributes to a deeper understanding of the complexities involved in the development of teacher identities in EMI contexts. Furthermore, this study provides important implications for EMI policymaking and teacher training programmes.

KEYWORDS:

• English-as-Medium-of-Instruction (EMI)
• teacher emotion
• teacher identity
• emotion discourse

Introduction

Adopting English-as-Medium-of-Instruction (EMI) in China’s Higher Education has grown exponentially over the past 10 years. Research into the field has focused on a variety of topics from top-down policies (McKinley, Rose, and Curdt-Christiansen 2023) to classroom implementations (Wang and Curdt-Christiansen 2019), teaching practices (Yuan 2023b) and teachers’ needs (Curdt-Christiansen, Gao, and Sun 2023). While the research field has flourished, most studies related to teaching practices have treated EMI teaching as standardised practices and teacher identity as a unified professional role. EMI teachers’ lived experiences, especially emotional experiences, and how such experiences influence their teaching practices, have been given limited attention.

This study focuses on a novice EMI teacher’s emotion and identity construction. Taking up EMI teaching can be emotionally demanding, not only because teaching per se involves tremendous emotional labour (Liu et al. 2020), but also because EMI teaching brings double challenges – linguistic and pedagogical challenges – to EMI teachers (Alhassan 2021). In this study, we report an in-depth case study of Ling (pseudonym), a novice EMI teacher at a Chinese university, to understand how novice EMI teachers construct their teacher identity through the discourse of emotion. Although this study is a single-case study, it has important implications for EMI teachers in general, as Ling represents many novice academics in China.

Teacher identity: emotion, identity, and EMI in China

In China, teachers are expected to be a role model who not only master knowledge in their field, but also devote themselves entirely to educational activities. Such devotions include undertaking scientific research, individualised pedagogies, being passionate about their teaching profession, loving and caring for their students and be of high moral character (Ye et al. 2024). In such discourse, teachers are often viewed as having a unified, enduring, and standardised ‘teacher identity’. Their complex and nuanced identity, including their emotions as ordinary people, has been neglected.

Emotion and identity

Becoming and being a teacher are both individual and social practices, requiring a constant dialogue between the self and the world (Stapleton and Wilson 2004). It is in this dialogic relationship that emotion comes into play. Emotions are not individual reactive responses to events but are socially shaped and managed through ‘social conventions, community scrutiny, legal norms, familial obligations and religious injunctions’ (Rose 1990, 1). As discursive practices, teacher emotion is often entangled with power relations, agency, and emotional constraints in educational settings (Yuan 2023a). Teacher identity is grounded in multiple ways of knowing, including the affective intersection of various life and work experiences. It is through the discursive expressions of emotion that teachers become more reflexive about their position in the educational context. Making sense of emotional experiences in teaching provides a possibility to understand teacher identity formation.

A teacher role is not synonymous with a teacher identity (Zembylas 2003a). A role can be assigned, and people generally have specific expectations of teachers, including aspects such as their speech, attire, and conduct in the classroom. Conversely, an identity requires constant negotiation as well as a struggle to claim ownership of one’s identity, involving how we come to know ourselves when aspiring to become teachers (Britzman 1993; Yuan and Lee 2016). There is a gap, and sometimes a tension, between the role and the identity of a teacher. Being a teacher sheds light on the expectations attached to the teacher role, whereas becoming a teacher emphasises the ongoing and dynamic process of identity construction. This process, however, is not a linear and stable one, as teachers confirm, doubt, question, or even problematise who they are and who they are becoming.

In this study, we challenge the essentialist notion of a unified and stable identity by focusing on the dynamic and contextually driven nature of identity that is unstated, emerging within the interactions of a given discourse (Miyahara 2010). Identity is discursively constructed (Block 2007). Through discourse, social actors construct knowledge, situations, identities, and social relations between individuals and social groups; in addition, they are subject to and shaped by a certain context of discourses and social structures (De Cillia, Reisigl, and Wodak 1999). Identity requires a constant dialogue between the self and the external world through discourse. ‘As discursive boundaries shift, so do our identities’ (Britzman 1993, 26). Such an approach de-centres the conventional view of identity as a project of the self, or the sociological conceptualisation of identity which asserts that preceding social categories determine one’s identity. Instead, it emphasises that our identities, determined by multiple factors such as time, place, and sociality, are lived through the discourses we employ to make sense of who we are, who we are not, and who we can become (Britzman 1993). In other words, identity is not merely a personal characteristic; it is a process of ‘becoming’, a social and learning process, and a nexus (Wenger 1998).

The processes of teacher identity construction are intrinsically related to teachers’ emotions (Zembylas 2005). Teaching as a social practice undoubtedly requires considerable emotional investments and emotional labour (Loh and Liew 2016). Teachers are not only ‘acting out’ feelings to sustain their outward countenance on the surface but are also consciously managing, masking, and manipulating their emotions to conform with their professional images (Hargreaves 1998; Hochschild 1983). In this case, emotions can be seen as the ‘glue of identity’ (Haviland and Kahlbaugh 2018, 336), which connects teachers’ internal thoughts, beliefs, and judgements with their external reactions and behaviours and attaches meaning to their experiences (Zembylas 2003b).

Though the terms ‘emotions’ and ‘feelings’ are often used interchangeably, the latter underscores personal and individual experiences, whereas the former goes beyond the emotions an individual encounters to include social and political experiences constructed by how one’s work (teaching) is organised and led (Shouse 2005; Zembylas 2003a, 216). Therefore, emotions are an important element in the dynamic and ongoing process of formation, construction, and negotiation of teacher identity (Song 2016; Zembylas 2002b, 2003a, 2005). Hochschild (1983, 196) reminded us that ‘It is from feelings that we learn the self-relevance of what we see, remember, or imagine’. Emotions provide people with an inner view for understanding, interpreting, and responding to experience, thus serving as beacons of our true selves (Hochschild 1983; Zembylas 2003a).

Nonetheless, emotion has long been regarded as inferior in the reason-emotion dichotomy. In professional fields, it has been stigmatised as unprofessional, sentimental, and uncontrollable, contrasting with the qualities of thoughtfulness, rationality, and objectivity that professionals, including teachers, are expected to embody (Sutton and Wheatley 2003). Empirical studies confirm the widespread existence of such stigmatisation towards emotion. In Shapiro’s (2010) self-study, for instance, she critiqued school policies and conventions that enforce emotional regulations, leading to a division between teachers’ professional and personal identities. Teachers are expected to maintain a perfect image, suppress deep emotions, and avoid openly expressing disagreement or disclosing personal aspects of their lives. These emotional rules and norms lead to emotional labour, tensions, and the emergence of two exclusive identities – a human being versus a model teacher. The stigmatisation of emotion highlights that emotions are not only a matter of personal disposition but are also influenced by wider social, cultural, historical, and political contexts in which individuals are situated (Yuan and Lee 2016; Zembylas 2003a).

In this study, we argue that emotion is a discursive practice (Zembylas 2005), which goes beyond the psychological understanding of emotion to include the role of language, culture and socio-political environment.

EMI and novice teachers in higher education of China

English in Chinese higher education (HE) has shifted from being taught as a foreign language to becoming a medium of instruction used for teaching and learning a wide range of academic subjects (Rose, Sahan, and Zhou 2022). The expansion of EMI has presented a considerable set of challenges to EMI teachers because EMI teachers are often expected to achieve a dual teaching aim: to teach students the discipline content and to improve their English language proficiency (Zhou and Rose 2021). However, due to the lack of institutional support and inadequate professional and pedagogical knowledge, EMI teachers have been further trapped in the expectation of ‘killing two birds with one stone’ (Curdt-Christiansen, Gao, and Sun 2023), adding a complex layer to the mapping of emotion (Yuan 2023a).

Research into teacher emotion covers a variety of topics across different disciplines, such as teacher-student relationships (Frenzel, Daniels, and Burić 2021; Keller and Becker 2021), the relationship between teachers’ professional beliefs (e.g. self-concept, efficacy, self-esteem) and their emotions (Hascher and Hagenauer 2016; Lohbeck, Hagenauer, and Frenzel 2018), and emotional labour strategies (Burić 2019; Lee and van Vlack 2017). For example, Zembylas (2002a) has focused on science teachers and proposed emotional genealogies to examine the role of emotion in teacher identity construction. Wolff and De Costa (2017) adopted a narrative lens to investigate the relationship between the emotions of an EFL teacher and her identity development. Loh and Liew (2016) turned their focus on English language teachers in secondary schools in Singapore and revealed the emotional burdens, tensions, and challenges entangled with English teaching. Nonetheless, EMI teachers’ emotions, embedded in the context of the expansion of EMI, have not yet caught sufficient attention. Questions such as how EMI teachers cope with dual emotional challenges posed by the English language as well as subject content, and how the emotions experienced by them in daily contexts contribute to their identity construction require further investigation.

For a novice EMI teacher at a key university in China, taking up EMI teaching may pose an additional and complex emotional challenge, in part caused by the implementation of the tenure-track system. China has implemented a series of reforms to improve the reputation and quality of HE in the country with the aim of developing national competitiveness in the global knowledge economy (Wang 2021). Accordingly, young academics, especially those employed by key universities (Project 211, Project 985, and Double First-Class) need to be evaluated by performance metrics regulated by each school or department every three years. At the end of the three-year period, those who are not eligible for tenure track can choose to leave or remain for three more years until they are sifted out or pass the evaluation (Wang 2021). This highly intensive evaluation system has put much pressure on novice academics causing anxiety and emotional stress (Tian and Lu 2017; Tian, Su, and Ru 2016). Being an EMI teacher adds another layer of complexity because they need to perform well not only in research but also in teaching through a second language.

In what follows, we present a case study to explore Ling’s emotion discourses and understand how she negotiates her identities in the process of becoming and being an EMI teacher.

Research design

The participant

Ling was born in the 1990s and obtained her PhD degree from an overseas university in 2021. Shortly after her graduation, she was appointed assistant professor at a key university in China. One of the objectives of her department is to enhance students’ English language proficiency. As a result, many courses were taught in English. During her first academic year, Ling was, in accordance with the department’s teaching plan and her PhD qualification, tasked with teaching the introductory courses of Western sociology to undergraduate students, using EMI.

Feeling lucky to have obtained the job of her choice, Ling had high expectations of herself and wanted to become a qualified tenured university lecturer as soon as possible. With the tenure-track system, she was expected to produce both quality and quantity of research outcomes within three years, along with a teaching workload. As a novice, she found herself spending much time preparing teaching and digesting the complex emotions generated by teaching, thus leaving little time and energy to do research. Feeling pressured, she often shared and expressed her emotions with her friends and also posted some of her emotions on her WeChat Moments.

Ling was purposefully and conveniently chosen as a research participant. The selection was both strategic and self-voluntary. Strategically, Ling represents a large number of young novice academics in China who are in the process of forming a teacher identity and engaging in emotional struggles. Voluntarily, Ling sought to share her emotional and identity struggles through self-reflection and self-insight with the researchers. A case study design was chosen, facilitated by Ling’s pre-existing connection with the researchers. Because of the trustworthy relationship between the researcher and the ‘researched’, the convenience sampling provided easy access to Ling’s WeChat posts and her emotional thoughts and reflections.

Ensuring Ling’s ethical rights remained our top priority. To safeguard her privacy, we took several measures to anonymise her data, including assigning her the pseudonym ‘Ling’, pixelating identifying details in images, and concealing information about her workplace. Despite these measures, the potential for inadvertent disclosure of her personal identity persisted, particularly as her WeChat data were accessible to her WeChat network. Addressing this concern, we carefully selected specific Moments posts and chat screenshots for this study, each approved by Ling herself through explicit consent. We also invited her to review and confirm her anticipated privacy, making necessary adjustments accordingly.

Data collection and analysis

We adopted a case study design to understand Ling’s lived emotional experiences. The data collection period lasted 10 months, covering Ling’s first academic year of teaching. Different sets of data were collected, including semi-structured interviews, follow-up interviews, reflective journals, and screenshots of chatting on WeChat and posts on WeChat Moments. Table 1 presents the summary of data sources and the amount of data.

Table 1. Data inventory.

Data Source	Amount
Semi-structured interviews (2 rounds)	1 hour and 3 minutes
Follow-up interviews (monthly)	1 hour and 56 minutes
Reflective journals	2345 words
WeChat chat records	284 pages (of screenshots)
WeChat Moments posts	10 pages (of screenshots)

The case study approach allows flexibility in data collection during the pandemic. Face-to-face data collection was not possible due to strict pandemic regulations; likewise, Ling was unable to meet her friends and colleagues offline to express her complex emotional reactions about work, preventing offline observations. Most of Ling’s work and interactions took place online. She relied heavily on social media platforms, such as posting on WeChat Moments, to manage her identity as a teacher. To depict a thorough portrait of her, we collected as many digital data as possible, coupled with reflective journals and interviews.

Two semi-structured interviews were conducted to gather background information and the life trajectory of Ling including her understanding of the teacher’s role and teacher emotions. Follow-up interviews, conducted monthly and lasting 10–15 minutes each, aimed to track Ling’s emotional changes, reflections and, when necessary, provide further clarification on her emotional reactions to the aforementioned data. During the interviews, Ling primarily spoke Chinese but occasionally incorporated some English expressions. WeChat Moments data served to capture her emotion-relevant reflections, for instance, her reactions to students’ praise and her achievements. WeChat chat records between Ling and her friends served to understand momentary and lived emotional reactions and emotion discourses. Reflective journals served to capture Ling’s emotional reflections on her teaching.

To increase the rigour of the study, two types of triangulations were carried out: (1) methods triangulation: multiple methods were adopted to reduce potential bias from any single method and to gain more insight into Ling’s teaching experience; (2) investigator triangulation: all three authors were engaged in data collection and analysis to reduce the possibility of researcher bias.

The data were analysed thematically based on data types: Ling’s Moments, WeChat group conversations, and the reflective journal, interviews. Subsequently, through a second round of open coding aligned with chronological data, we identified a pattern in Ling’s emotional journey over the year: over time, she confronted pressure, leading to doubts about her professional future, but gradually, she shifted her perspective on her teacher identity from perfectionism to acknowledging imperfections. Two rounds of open coding were followed by axial coding, categorising similar emotions, such as ‘fatigued’, ‘tired’, and ‘exhausted’, and establishing connections between codes. This process, along with consideration of temporal patterns and our research question, resulted in the development of four themes: excitement and anxiety, exhaustion and helplessness, apprehension and worry, and healing and equanimity.

Findings: emotions and teacher identity

In this section, we present a thick description and in-depth analysis of Ling’s data. We reveal the changes in emotions during her lived teaching experience and explore how such changes shape as well as reveal her teacher identity construction. Our analysis focuses on the process by which Ling negotiates her perception of being and becoming an EMI teacher through emotion discourse. The findings are presented following the four themes: excitement and anxiety, exhaustion and helplessness, apprehension and worry, and healing and equanimity.

Excitement and anxiety: ‘I am a teacher but what does it mean?’

This theme follows Ling’s trajectory from the excitement of getting the job offer to self-doubt about her expected teacher role. Figure 1 shows the WeChat Moments she shared with her network. This post is composed of a line of text and a picture of Ling’s employee certificate. The picture has been omitted for ethical concerns.

Figure 1. WeChat Moments post 1.

As shown in Figure 1, Ling expressed her happiness and excitement. The picture speaks more than the texts, as it directly shows the theme of the post. The university name attached on the employee’s ID certificate immediately presents Ling’s sense of belonging and her new identity as a faculty member of the university. She used the metaphor ‘笨鸟a clumsy bird’ to describe herself as a modest person who finally achieved her goal. Concomitantly, she expressed her gratitude to people who had supported her. When asked the meaning of this ‘clumsy bird’ label, she acknowledged in the interview that,

Extract 1

当我拿到这个（工作）证的时候，我才觉得我真的变成一名教师了，我不再是学生了，我已经当了太多年的学生了，可是我又不确定我是不是够格（做一名老师），我觉得自己就像一只笨鸟，总是要比别人花费更多的时间和精力去达成一个目标。

When I got this certificate, I’ve truly felt that I had become a teacher, I’m not a student anymore, an identity that has accompanied me for years. But I’m not sure if I’m qualified and capable of taking on this new role. I feel like I’m a clumsy bird, you know, I always need extra time and efforts to reach a goal. (Follow-up interview, 9 August 2021)

笨鸟 (a clumsy bird) is from an often used four-word idiom, 笨鸟先飞 (the clumsy birds must fly early; English equivalent: a slow sparrow should make an early start). In Chinese, however, it also implies that diligence can make up for one’s ‘slowness’. Perceiving herself as a ‘clumsy bird’, Ling implicitly expressed mixed emotions: on the one hand, she took pleasure in her new role and the achievement earned through years of hard work; on the other hand, she was anxious about her ability to fulfil the expectations associated with the role.

Figure 2. The “I am in a panic” response.

Responding to the many ‘liked’ posts and congratulating comments, Ling expressed ‘I am in a panic’, coupled with a crying face emoji (Figure 2).

Through this emotional statement of claiming herself to be in a panic, Ling expressed her anxiety directly: the beginning of her new career was a great encouragement but also brought her a new challenge.

The sense of incompetence was shown in the interviews:

虽然我拿到offer了，但我内心的焦虑感和不安远大于喜悦，因为我知道太多人比我优秀比我更胜任这个职位，我可能只是沾了点小运气。

Although I got the offer, anxiety and unease overwhelm me because I know there are too many talents who are more competent than I am. I might just be lucky. (9 August 2021)

The interviews together with the posts full of emojis and emotional statements revealed her mixed feelings about her new teacher identity: an envisioned ideal teacher, filled with anxiety about her teaching qualification.

Exhaustion and helplessness: ‘how do I balance teaching and research?’

This thematic unit depicts Ling’s emotional struggles and exhaustion as a new EMI teacher. The following excerpt shows her feeling of incompetence when preparing teaching content for the new semester.

Extract 2

快开学了，开学恐惧症，备课也备不明白，用英语教社会学，这也太难了，中文我都不一定教得顺溜，我到底是要用教英文的方式教还是用教社会学的方式教，前者侧重语言，后者侧重内容，可是内容又绕不开语言，语言又得有内容为依托，所以我到底要怎么教，emo了。

Approaching the new semester, I am so scared. I have no idea how to prepare for the teaching sessions. Teaching sociology in English is so difficult. I am not even sure that I can teach the subject well in Chinese. Should I teach it from language perspective like teaching English, focusing on the language, or from sociology approach, focusing on the content? The former looks into the English language, the latter focuses on the content. However, the content cannot be separated from the language, and language teaching has to be grounded in the content. So, how should I approach teaching then? I’m feeling so emotional. (Reflective journal, 25 August 2021)

Overwhelmed by anxiety and confusion caused by the EMI course, Ling was not fully adapted to the new teacher identity. With little EMI teaching experience, Ling did not know how to achieve both language and content goals as a novice EMI teacher. Similar reactions to EMI courses have also been reported in other studies (e.g. Curdt-Christiansen, Gao, and Sun 2023; Yuan 2023a). Ling was honest with herself in the journal that she felt emotional and asked ‘how should I approach teaching’. With little experience, insufficient training, and little advice, Ling felt that she was left out and on her own. A sense of helplessness arose when little targeted institutional support was provided, and she had to rely upon herself. This emotion has also been found by Curdt-Christiansen and her colleagues in their study of EMI teachers’ needs (2023). They pointed out the need for more training courses for EMI teachers at universities.

The journey towards being an EMI teacher was demanding, resulting in tremendous emotional fluctuations. Similar to the participants in other empirical studies who experienced (Chaplain 2008; Fives, Hamman, and Olivarez 2007) high levels of emotional exhaustion in their early teaching career, Ling was also drowning in emotional exhaustion at the start of her teaching activities. She spent much time preparing a new session, often taking one to two days. Staying late became a norm. Sacrificing her health in order to have more time for preparation somehow turned into a strategy for coping with stress and anxiety. However, this strategy, to some extent, consumed Ling’s enthusiasm for teaching and wore her out. As she acknowledged in the interview,

Extract 3

我原以为非升即走制度下我会有很多时间做科研，毕竟科研就是主要的考核依据嘛，但事实证明在教学上耗费的时间和精力真的太大了，每次上完课都觉得被掏空，哪里会有心情去写论文，然后等缓过神来又要准备新的内容。

I initially thought that under the ‘publish or perish’ system, I would have plenty of time for research since it’s the main criterion for evaluation. However, the reality has proven that teaching demands a significant amount of time and energy. After each class, I feel completely drained, with no energy left for writing papers. And by the time I recover, I have to prepare new content again. (Semi-structured interview, 1 November 2021)

The emotional exhaustion caused by teaching exceeded her expectations. The time taken up by teaching preparation left Ling with neither time nor energy for research. Although she was given a lighter teaching workload, the dual and her unfamiliarity with the EMI course forced her to devote double or even triple the time to preparing lessons outside of class time. The resulting emotional drain overwhelmed her when she was faced with research tasks.

In this case, teaching and research are seen as conflicting priorities, posing significant challenges for early career academics like Ling. Under the ‘publish or perish’ system in Chinese HE, research output is a crucial metric for evaluating these academics. As a result, many may feel compelled to sacrifice the quality of their teaching or be unwilling to invest substantial time and effort in it, in order to focus on meeting research productivity targets (Tian, Su, and Ru 2016). However, Ling’s interview reveals her deep desire to strike a balance between her research and teaching responsibilities. The multiple, intertwined conflicts she faces as an early career academic create a challenging, if not untenable, situation for her.

Apprehension and worry: ‘what can a novice teacher do?’

In this thematic analysis, we focus on Ling’s apprehension and worry stemming from the uncertainty surrounding EMI programmes, which emerged as she began to develop a sense of teacher responsibility and identity. This newly constructed self-made her question the EMI course from time to time, as recorded in her reflective journal,

Extract 4

今天上课上得人一肚子火，并没有昨天备课的喜悦，因为上课的内容对于低年级的学生来讲太太太难了 … 对于学生来讲，他们除了获得困惑什么都得不到不是吗？语言语言没掌握，内容内容听不懂，甚至不知道兼顾哪一边，这样的教学只会增加学生对这门课的恐惧和抗拒，反正听不懂，那我还不如去学一些practical的知识。

I was extremely frustrated during today’s class and didn’t experience the kind of joy I had during the preparation yesterday. Because the content was far too difficult for the lower-grade students, completely surpassing their comprehension level … For the students, all they have gained is confusion, isn’t it? In terms of the language, they haven’t mastered it; regarding the subject content, they haven’t comprehended it. They are probably even unsure which aspect (language or content) to focus on. Such teaching will only increase their fear and resistance towards the course. Since they don’t understand, they might as well prefer to learn something practical (rather than this course). (Reflective journal, 16 March 2022)

Ling’s emotions in Extract 4 encompassed frustration and confusion regarding the EMI course. When teaching philosophical content in English, she observed that students were confused and not actively participating in the class. Ling raised concerns about the ambitious dual goals of EMI teaching, as students exhibited significant variations in both English language proficiency and subject knowledge. This discrepancy may result in a loss of focus and even diminished interest in the subject matter. This emotional reaction aligns with the arguments presented by Shao and Rose (2022), who contend that a lower proficiency of the English language can disadvantage students in acquiring content knowledge. They propose a translanguaging pedagogy to address this predicament, but Ling remained uncertain about whether such an approach would be permitted.

Extract 5

我作为课程老师似乎有权利对课程内容进行把控，但是作为新老师，这种权利有多大、这个界限在哪里没有人明确说明，如果我不依照这本教材是否会受到批评、是否会遭到学生的质疑等等，没有人给我一个明确的解答 … .

As a disciplinary lecturer, I seem to have the autonomy to decide the contents of the course. But as a new lecturer, I am not informed about what this autonomy is, where the boundaries are, no one has made it clear to me. If I don’t follow the teaching materials, would I be criticised or would I be challenged by students, with all these questions, no one has given me a clear answer. (Follow-up interview, 16 March 2022)

Ling began to question the EMI course and feel troubled by the diverse abilities of the students. Uncertainties about her role as a novice EMI teacher led her to question if she was meeting her students’ expectations and aligning with university guidelines. A sense of feeling ‘able to do very little’ gave rise to mixed emotions about the EMI course.

Ling’s emotional experiences were further compounded by the challenges of navigating a new professional environment and adapting to the expectations and norms of the teaching community. The uncertainties and insecurities inherent in the novice stage likely amplified her feelings of apprehension, self-doubt, and helplessness, particularly when facing the dual challenges of EMI teaching. Her hesitance to voice her concerns or seek support from more experienced colleagues could be attributed to her peripheral position as a newcomer in the teaching community, reflecting the power dynamics and hierarchies that exist within academic institutions. Additionally, concerns regarding the ‘publish or perish’ policy made her cautious about questioning the established EMI course structure, leading her to remain silent about her ambiguous rights as a new teacher.

This silence and passive approach are also discussed in Yim and Ahn’s research (2024). In Confucius-influenced societies like China and Korea, where senior teachers hold higher status, and newcomers are in a vulnerable position. To protect themselves, novice teachers adopt a passive attitude towards conflicts and uncertainties. Ling’s situation was further complicated by the constant evaluation pressure, making her uncertain about which actions were permissible. Consequently, when facing uncertainties and negative emotions in EMI teaching, she tended to internalise these emotions and cautiously navigate within the established system.

Healing and equanimity: ‘every cloud has a silver lining’

Ling’s first year was not solely filled with negative emotions. Her sense of teacher identity development is a journey of emotion and transformation as she experienced many joyful moments. Expressions of love and appreciation from her students brought her a sense of value and gave her meaning in her identity as an EMI teacher.

Figure 3 illustrates ling’s happiness on her WeChat Moments. A student’s expression of love and determination to study hard made Ling feel ‘healed’. From Ling’s tweets and her replies to her friends, it can be observed that her joy and emotions of fulfilment allowed her to realise the meaning and value of being a ‘teacher’. Her perceived or expected role as a teacher had evolved making her feel the sense of responsibility as a teacher. Ling measured herself against the socially constructed ideal teacher image from time to time, critically assessing the disparities between her present self and the envisioned ideal teacher. She was on her way to ‘becoming a teacher’ (Giovanelli 2015). The positive emotions of being recognised and loved by her students provided Ling with a new understanding of her role as a teacher and a deeper awareness of her responsibilities.

Figure 3. WeChat Moments post 2.

In her first year of teaching, Ling went through emotional ups and downs. Positive student feedback boosted her confidence, affirming her successful adaptation to the expected role of a teacher, while low moments helped her identify areas for improvement. Recognising the patterns in her emotions and deeper understanding of herself, Ling stated in the interview that ‘I have achieved a greater sense of emotional equilibrium. Although there are still emotional fluctuations, when I feel down, it means that there are happy moments waiting to happen next. Every cloud has a silver lining, right?’ (Follow-up interview, 13 June 2022).

Discussion

The study investigates Ling’s emotion discourse and the role of emotions in her teacher identity construction as a novice EMI teacher. Through the analysis of Ling’s conversations and personal reflections during her first year of employment, Ling’s emotions, including pride, happiness, distress, exhaustion, apprehension and more, have become an intricate part of her identity, offering insights into her growth and development as a teacher (Song 2016). Being an EMI teacher involves a constant negotiation and dialogue between her experiences and the external world, a process that is neither linear nor stable (Nazari, Seyri, and Karimpour 2023; Yuan and Lee 2016; Zembylas 2005). Ling’s journey encapsulates the challenges and triumphs inherent in the formation of her EMI teacher identity.

As argued by Loh and Liew (2016, 276), the notion of teaching as emotionally charged work, operating along ‘a pleasure-pain axis’, captures a spectrum of both joy and pain that teachers experience in their profession. Throughout the academic year, Ling underwent a range of emotions: excitement, confusion, distress, self-doubt, equanimity, and more. These emotions reflect the intricate emotional landscape embedded in the professional life of an EMI teacher. They serve as both immediate and gradual catalysts for her identity construction and development (Yang and Shu 2021). As a novice, she had a limited understanding of being an EMI teacher and faced challenges of balancing language instruction and content teaching. Lack of effective institutional support and the pressure for research output further contributed to her negative emotional state. Nevertheless, she exhibited resilience by actively participating in teacher training and dedicating much time to refining her teaching practices. In this regard, emotions functioned as indexical signals (Golombek and Doran 2014), reflecting internal conflicts within her professional identity and guiding her towards avenues for professional development.

As Ling progressed in her work, she received positive feedback from students and their admiration, which supported her greatly in her journey to becoming a teacher. This aligns with Hargreaves’s (1998) assertion that the teachers’ sense of failure or success are frequently intertwined with the emotional connections they establish with their students. The positive emotions received from students brought about significant shifts in Ling’s emotional state. She began to develop a more nuanced understanding of herself, no longer perceiving her identity from a static standpoint but embracing a dynamic perspective on the development of her professional identity. Positive emotions bolstered her sense of direction to some extent, solidifying her existing identity and beliefs (Barcelos and Ruohotie-Lyhty 2018). They served as motivation for her to excel in her work and provided a sense of composure when facing challenges. Throughout the academic year, Ling recognised the distinctions between being a teacher and becoming a teacher.

Ling’s emotional journey in EMI teaching serves as a microcosm, reflecting the broader challenges and discursive influences on teacher identity construction. Our findings indicate two crucial factors contributing to her emotional burden: the EMI course and the tenure-track system. Ling encountered numerous challenges in achieving the dual objectives of the EMI programme during actual teaching. As Ellison (2021, 196) aptly acknowledges, ‘EMI triggers many, often negative, emotions’. These specific challenges and lack of effective institutional support led Ling to dedicate significant time and effort to her teaching responsibilities, directly impacting her research involvement. The negative emotions hindered her progress in research, further exacerbating her negative emotional state.

The pressure of the tenure-track system in Chinese HE is another factor that further influences the emotions of novice teachers like Ling and their identity construction. The relentless pursuit of publications and research output adds to Ling’s emotional burden, intensifying the already challenging demands of her multifaceted role as a novice teacher, language instructor, subject teacher, early stage researcher. This complex interplay of roles creates a cycle of emotional distress that undermines Ling’s sense of identity as an EMI teacher. It is apparent that emotions are not solely individual encounters but are intertwined with social and cultural contexts (Benesch and Prior 2023; Yuan and Lee 2016), shaping the experiences and identities of educators like Ling within the broader landscape of Chinese HE.

Furthermore, Ling’s tendency to remain silent about her negative emotions and concerns surrounding EMI teaching could be attributed to the cultural norms and expectations of the Confucian culture in China. In such contexts, expressing negative emotions or questioning established practices may be perceived as contradicting the professional image of a teacher and potentially jeopardising one’s position, especially for a novice in a vulnerable position like Ling. The deeply ingrained cultural values and power dynamics within the academic hierarchy likely shaped novice teachers’ emotional expressions and coping strategies.

Ling employed various forms of emotional expression to disentangle the overlapping and seemingly conflicting roles imposed on her. Through repeated encounters and adjustments of her emotions, she developed self-awareness which not only strengthened her teacher identity but also instilled her with confidence in her own development. It enabled her to approach future uncertainties with a positive outlook, reinforcing her commitment to her evolving identity as a teacher.

Conclusion

In this study, we delve into Ling’s lived emotional experiences and the role of emotions in the construction of her EMI teacher identity. Emotions play a vital role in shaping her understanding of herself as a teacher. By engaging in emotional statements, Ling acquired a deeper comprehension of her strengths, limitations, and aspirations as an EMI teacher at a key university in China. Emotions serve as internal signals that guide us in understanding, making sense of, and responding to our lived experiences. In essence, emotions act as beacons that illuminate our perceptions of our identities and provide us with a profound insight into our being (Hochschild 1983; Zembylas 2003a, 2005). In this sense, emotions are no longer seen as opposed to rationality but serve as reflective tools, enabling individuals to confront their feelings, identify constraints, and actively transform themselves (Yuan and Lee 2016). These transformative moments, as argued by Song (2016), arise not solely from external experiences but also from internal processes of acknowledging emotions, understanding their origins, and positioning oneself within one’s professional environment. Ling’s case demonstrates how individuals use their emotion discourse to recognise and engage with their emotional experiences, thereby facilitating self-transformation and personal growth. From this perspective, emotional discourse becomes a site where individuals negotiate their identities and empower themselves to take ‘care of the teacher-self’ (Zembylas 2003b, 108).

While providing valuable insights into the emotional dimensions of EMI teacher identity, the study has some limitations: a single case and a relatively small dataset. Being centred around one case and one participant may limit the broader applicability of the findings. Future research endeavours could work towards addressing these limitations by adopting a multi-case study approach or using larger and more diverse datasets. Additionally, a longitudinal ethnographic approach could be employed to capture the nuances, subtleties, and contextual variations in EMI teachers’ emotional experiences and the construction of their professional identities.

Despite its limitations, Ling’s case holds important implications for EMI policies, teacher training programmes, and novice teachers themselves. Ling’s case illustrates the distinct emotional challenges faced by novice EMI teachers in China or elsewhere, who must navigate the dual demands of language instruction and content teaching while grappling with the pressures of the tenure-track system. The emotional strain resulting from these overlapping roles and institutional constraints underscores the urgent need for tailored support mechanisms and professional development opportunities that cater to the specific needs of EMI teachers. Specifically, teacher training programmes should incorporate strategies for managing the emotional labour involved in EMI teaching, such as techniques for integrating language and content objectives effectively, as well as coping mechanisms for the emotional burdens of balancing teaching and research responsibilities. Moreover, educational institutions and policy makers should strive to create a supportive environment that acknowledges the emotional burden associated with EMI courses within a time-constrained evaluation system. Additionally, for novice EMI teachers, the spectrum of emotions they experience throughout their journey to become a university teacher is intertwined with their identity construction process. Acknowledging and reflecting on these emotions can provide valuable insights into personal growth and self-transformation.

Acknowledgements

We would like to thank the anonymous reviewers who helped us shape our focus and strengthen our theoretical discussions.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author(s).

Additional information

Funding

This study was funded by the Social Science Foundation of Beijing, China [grant number 22YYB010].