Care and control

Abstract

What motivates the decision to take the ashes of the dead person from the crematorium and dispose of (or keep) them elsewhere? This article reflects on the findings of a sociological study of the views of bereaved people and bereavement professionals about the disposal of cremated remains. It highlights the difficulty of distinguishing between the wish to dispose of the ashes in a way that reflects healthy continuing bonds with the deceased and an unhealthy reluctance to let the dead person go.

Keywords:

• Cremated remains
• disposal
• continuing bonds
• letting go
• reciprocity

Acknowledgements

With thanks to Professor Jenny Hockey for checking the accuracy of this article.

Additional information

Notes on contributors

Brian Cranwell

Editor's note: The ashes of the dead are both a part of the person as they now are and a symbol of the person that was. As such they simultaneously force recognition of the reality of death and become sacred objects in their own right, to be treated with the same respect and reverence as a dead body. Some people do have great difficulty in deciding what to do with the ashes. Even the empty container, once the ashes are scattered, can continue to ‘contain’ the spirit of the dead person. Such difficulties may reflect an unresolved problem in accepting the death, but the problem will not be solved by getting rid of the ashes or the container. The client may decide, when the moment is right, to do just that and this may be an outward sign of internal change. CMP