Disconnection and Decision-making: Adult Children Explain Their Reasons for Estranging from Parents

Abstract

This article reports on a qualitative study of adult children who were estranged from at least one parent. Twenty-six Australian participants reported a total of 40 estrangements. Of these, 23 estrangements were initiated by the participant and 16 were maintained by the participant after being initiated by the parent or occurring after a mutual lessening of contact. Participants reported three core reasons for estrangement: (i) abuse, (ii) poor parenting, and (iii) betrayal. However, estrangement was predominantly situated in long-term perceived or actual disconnection from the parent and family of origin. Most participants had engaged in cycles of estrangement and reunification, using distance to assess the relationship and attend to their own personal development and growth across time. Estrangement was generally triggered by a relatively minor incident or a more serious act of betrayal considered to have been enacted by the parent.

本文为定性研究，其对象为与父母至少一方失和的成年子女。共有26位澳大利亚参与者，涉及总共40起失和案例，其中23起的起因在参与者，16起的起因在父母但参与者一直不与父母和好，或因双方的原因彼此减少接触。据参与者陈述，失和的三个主要原因是：1）虐待；2）教养差；3）背信。不过，失和一般发生在与父母或家庭关系破裂的情况下——无论真实的还是想象的。多数参与者都经历了失和、和好的周期，用距离评估关系并处理自己个人的发展和成长。失和一般由琐事触发，也可能起于家长的一次背信行为。

Keywords:

• Family Estrangement
• Abuse
• Conflict
• Adult Children

Acknowledgements

The author would like to thank the participants for their thoughtfulness and commitment to advancing our understandings of family estrangement.