Stories passed down through the generations leave an important legacy for families. Memories may not be spectacular. However, they are an important record of our history through the decades and a source of heritage information for relatives. Senior adults may also say that what happened to them is not important, because they do not want to bore someone else with their memories. Interested relatives should encourage them to tell their stories, because these storytellers are often ordinary people with extraordinary lives.
Sharing memories helps older adults to relive their past events in their lives. By sharing memories, older adults can explore their thoughts and feelings about the past. They can put their past experiences into perspective with what is happening to them in the present or what is expected to happen in the future. Although writing or reciting may sometimes be difficult because it brings back painful memories, it may, for many looking back, bring some peace. Preserving one’s memories keeps not only family and events alive, it preserves the storyteller: I am and will continue to be remembered. Storytelling can improve the confidence of older adults. By recalling how they overcame past struggles, they are better able to confront new challenges and can forgive themselves their mistakes. Their stories are often vital lessons for relatives who hear their stories, that is, what to do and not to do in their own lives.
In long-term care facilities, storytelling programs, most often called life review or reminiscence by professional practitioners, have become vital care protocols. Storytelling and sharing memories are beneficial to terminally ill patients by addressing their need to feel that life has meaning and purpose. Patients often find it helpful to put their lives in perspective. When transcripts have been made of these sessions, family members of patients who had died have said that the transcripts consoled them while they grieved.
For practitioners, the open-ended question is the most important tool: How are you feeling today? How many children and grandchildren do you have? Other helpful tools include active listening, responding positively, asking follow-up questions, and allowing time for silence and emotion. These skills also require that we should be sufficiently curious and sufficiently interested in the other person to make sure that we are clear about what they are saying, asking for clarification and reflecting back to make sure that we have heard correctly. It is about taking seriously that the conversation is not about us but about the other. For cognitively impaired patients, many memories spring from keepsakes, souvenirs, and photographs. Using objects as prompts for memories is particularly helpful for patients with dementia. Sensory stimulation through sound, movement, dance, smell, vibration, and food can also trigger strong memories.
The Golden Rule guides people to choose for others what they would choose for themselves. It is an imperative whether the listener is a relative or a care provider. People want to be heard and, through that hearing, respected. They do not want words; they want attention and presence. Even when the relative or patient is looking for an answer, listening and creating a space for them to reflect is all they need to come to the answer themselves rather than having anyone impose it on them.