Fraught triads – treating older women in crisis living with a migrant live-in caregiver and frail husband

ABSTRACT

Hiring migrant live-in caregivers to take care of older adults with dementia, chronic disease or frailty has become more common in Europe, North America, the Middle East, and Asia. When older couples hire a non-relative to provide live-in caregiver services for a family member, the attendant household transformation – from couple to triad – gives rise to social and psychological challenges. Although live-in caregivers can be indispensable, living together can be very stressful for older adults and live-in caregiver. This article describes the emotional distress of two older adult wives in their eighties, and the therapeutic methods used to reduce it, including empathic understanding, legitimation of emotions, promotion of open communication, and formulation of a household ‘management strategy,’ establishing specific expectations concerning the parties’ roles and a daily activity schedule. Involvement of older couples’ children was found helpful, and was aided through psychoeducation. Gerontologists, therapists, educators, and social workers who serve the needs of older adults can effectively assist this population in the evolution of their perceptions of their new situation, the regaining of a sense of equilibrium, mastery and control over their lives, and the development of greater tolerance and understanding of migrant live-in caregivers’ work burden, native culture, and individual practices. Professionals should actively screen for risks of burden, stress, depression, and anxiety in households in which live-in caregiver services may be considered. Psychoeducation and preparation of both the older adults and their live-in caregivers entering the new relationship may lessen the incidence of potential stressors.

Implications

Clinical and Practical implications:

• Professionals need to triage and diagnose the difficulties and stressors that arise when older couples or their children invite a paid live-in caregiver into the home, changing the day-to-day routine and relationship dynamics of the household. Professionals should actively screen for risk of burden, stress, depression, and anxiety among healthier older spouses, who may feel discomfort and frustration when their independence and privacy are compromised and their primary role seems to be eclipsed by the activity of a paid live-in caregiver. Older adults, their family members, and paid live-in caregivers can benefit from psychoeducation to understand and address emotional difficulties inherent in situations where serious health decline leads to the hiring of a paid live-in caregiver. Following the clinical implications, this paper suggest some practical implications when proving therapy to older adults. It includes outreach and work with the spouses, and if possible with the children of the frail older adult. While frail older adults are usually the primary object of physical and emotional support, their healthier older spouses also require significant emotional support, especially in the early period after a paid live-in caregiver is hired. The children of older adults can be a very useful resource in promoting early intervention and providing continuing support for parents coping with the addition of a paid live-in caregiver to their parents’ household.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author(s).