“Our first big fight” as a milestone in the development of close relationships

This research investigates retrospective participant accounts of a communication event in the development of close relationships—"Our First Big Fight” (FBF). The event is contextualized in terms of theories of relationship development, the role of conflict in development, and empirical studies of both turning points and critical events in close relationships. Open‐ended interviews were conducted with couples whose relationships had survived their FBF, couples who had not yet had an FBF, and individuals who had recently broken up with their relational partners as a result of their FBF. The data were analyzed through a procedure consistent with the grounded theory approach. Results indicate four conditions leading up to the FBF (uncertainty over commitment, jealousy, violation of expectations, personality differences), three effects of the FBF (clarification of feelings, awareness of interdependence, introduction of thematic conflict), and three differences between the “non‐survivors” and the “survivors” (increasing vs. decreasing uncertainty in the relationship, different beliefs regarding communication and conflict, differences in attributions regarding the FBF).