When “Old Ladies” Meet: On Being Seen and Heard in a Lonely World

ABSTRACT

This article explores the unique relationships that sometimes develop between aging women who become friends or analytic partners. Having endured – and, to some extent, triumphed over – the insults and injuries that attend being a woman in Western society, and being aware of the limited time that remains to them, these women are able to develop connections that are more open and loving than those they had previously known. The article also examines a number of relevant topics including Adam Philips’ reframing of helplessness and vulnerability as not only a curse but also a blessing, Mark Freeman’s concept of narrative foreclosure and the effects of what Jill Stauffer terms “ethical loneliness.” Two clinical vignettes are provided by way of illustration.

Acknowledgments

We are very grateful for our relationship with one another in which all of our thoughts and feelings about one another and many other things may be shared, and we are grateful for our relationships with patients like Lorraine and Grace who have taught us much about the ways old ladies can be seen and heard.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the authors.

Notes

¹ To feminist ears, the term, “old ladies” may sound sexist and pejorative insofar as the use of the word, “lady,” harks back to a time when women were thought of only in terms of their roles as wives and daughters. Nevertheless, we have chosen to use this term because it powerfully evokes the dismissive attitudes that elderly women tend to receive in our society.

Additional information

Notes on contributors

Annette Richard

Annette Richard, M.Ps., is Chair and Co-founder of the Groupe d’Étude sur l’Intersubjectivité (GEI), a thriving IAPSP Institutional Member. She was a Lecturer at the Psychology Department at Université de Montréal for many years. She is presently co-editor of Psychoanalyis, Self and Context and a member of the IAPSP International Council. She has a private practice of psychotherapy and supervision in Montreal, Quebec, Canada.

Doris Brothers

Doris Brothers, Ph.D., is a co-founder and faculty member of the Training and Research in Intersubjective Self Psychology Foundation (TRISP). She served as co-editor of Psychoanalysis, Self and Context with Roger Frie from 2015 to 2019, She is active on the advisory board and council of the International Association for Psychoanalytic Self Psychology (IAPSP). Her last book is Toward a Psychology of Uncertainty: Trauma-Centered Psychoanalysis (Analytic Press, 2008). Her private practice is on the upper west side of Manhattan, New York, USA.