The importance of being a ‘lady’: hyper‐femininity and heterosexuality in the private, single‐sex primary school

Abstract

Drawing on recent ethnographic research in one single‐sex, private primary school, this paper will explore what it meant for the girls in this setting to embody the discourse of the ‘lady’. The paper will propose that classed and gendered discourses of respectability featured strongly in the girls’ lives, as they were expected to behave like ‘proper’ upper‐middle‐class ladies. However, the paper will also suggest that these discourses were being reworked through post‐feminist, neo‐liberal notions of modern girlhood, meaning that the girls also felt compelled to make themselves as heterofeminine ‘girly’ girls; as sassy, sexy and successful, as well as respectable and upper‐middle‐class(y) enough. By exploring the clash between these two sets of discourse, the paper will specifically seek to examine the lived embodiment of intersections of class, gender and sexuality and to explore the relevance of Judith Butler’s heterosexual matrix for these upper‐middle‐class girls.

Keywords:

• hyper‐femininity
• heterosexuality
• post‐feminism
• gender
• primary education

Acknowledgements

The author would like to thank the ESRC for funding this research (grant PTA‐026‐27‐1260), as well as Louise Archer, Debbie Epstein and Amanda Coffey for their insightful comments on previous drafts of this work. Particular thanks go to Emma Renold and Jessica Ringrose for helping to develop some of the ideas in this paper.

Notes

1. See, for example, Giles‐Simpson 2001; Thomas 2005; Aiken 2006; Ivens 2003; Davidson and Vine 2007.

2. See, for example, www.excite.co.uk, www.firstimpressions.uk.com, and www.etiquette-school.com.

3. I am aware that the meaning of ‘post‐feminism’ is widely debated (see, for example, Whelehan 2000), but I am specifically using post‐feminism in this article to refer to the ‘complex relationship between feminist discourses and neo‐liberal economic policies and discourses, which are dramatically reshaping the realms of education, work and family’ (Ringrose 2007, 472) and also to those discourses suggesting that equality has been achieved, and that feminism is therefore out of date and can ‘be done away with’ (see McRobbie 2004).

4. All names have been replaced by pseudonyms.

5. Grease is an American film, originally released in 1978, whose plotline tracks several high‐school romances – in particular the budding romance between the main characters, Danny and Sandy.

6. Tara Palmer‐Tomkinson is a well‐known upper‐middle class ‘it girl’, socialite and rehabilitated cocaine addict. Tara was educated at the private Sherbourne School for Girls in Dorset, and now most commonly works as a television presenter.

7. It is not the purpose of the paper to outline the ‘it girl’ identity in any depth. However, the ‘it girl’ has commonly been described as a charming, rich, fashionable and sexy young woman who has reached fame (often momentarily) through her fortune and attendance at many well‐known celebrity functions. ‘It girls’ are commonly recognised as ‘posh’, and the term is occasionally elided with that of the ‘lady’, especially when these girls are regarded to be from the higher echelons of society.

8. See, for example, Tara Palmer‐Tomkinson’s (2007) new book, A Naughty Girl’s Guide to Life, which, through a number of catch phrases (‘The bottom line is to remember not to stress about your bottom’), combines advice on love lives, friends and fashion. Though the book does not claim to be aimed at a ‘class‐specific’ audience, the advice includes tips on how to live life so as to respectably ‘mix Primark with Prada’, how to exit the sea ‘gracefully’ in a bikini, and how to blag ‘freebies’ from Chanel.