Constituting compulsory monogamy: normative femininity at the limits of imagination

Abstract

Feminists have coined the term ‘compulsory monogamy’ to describe the deeply normalised status of coupling, especially for women. To say that monogamy is compulsory is to call attention to constraints on our ability to imagine alternatives. The visibility of alternative relationship models can challenge monogamy's grip on our imaginations, but it can also reinforce its status. This paper explores how normative femininity functions to code monogamous and non-monogamous possibilities as desirable and undesirable, respectively. While both are possible, monogamy is reinforced as healthy adult sexuality – for women and men – through the policing of femininity. The paper grounds this discussion in a reading of a film – Two Girls and a Guy – in which the possibility of a non-dyadic relationship is on the table and at the same time rendered implausible. The analysis has implications both for further unpacking cultural investments in coupling and for resisting compulsory monogamy.

Keywords::

• monogamy
• femininity
• class
• racialised gender
• coupling
• polyamory

Acknowledgements

The author thanks Sara Giordano, Clare Hemmings, Cathy Luna, Sreerekha Mullasery, Pamela Scully and Josephine Wilson for discussing this paper with her at various stages.

Notes

^1. The ‘twoness’ requirement is analogous to the ‘same-sex’ requirement for partnering in Elizabeth Emen's groundbreaking essay, ‘Monogamy's law: compulsory monogamy and polyamorous existence.’

^2. See The Alt.polyamory FAQ Culture Supplement and harukohannah's Polyamorous Films/Series lists online.

^3. François Truffaut's Jules and Jim (Jules et Jim) is based on a novel by Henri-Pierre Roché, depicting a tumultuous triadic relationship that ends in tragedy. The film serves as a major cultural touchstone for rendering consensual non-monogamy legible.

^4. A triad refers to a partnership, open or closed, among three people, and a ‘V’ to a relationship structure where one person in a threesome is seeing the two others, but they are not in a sexual/romantic relationship with one another.

^5. Monogamy and non-monogamy are not ‘opposites’, but rather co-constituted sets of discourses that depend upon one another for their coherence (Willey 2006, Finn and Malson 2008, Saxey 2010).

^6. It is worth noting that the signification of beauty or lack thereof through racialised signs is not simply analogous to similar depiction involving black actors; importantly, ‘[s]tandardised notions of beauty are one reason why black women's appearances in mainstream cinema have been so limited’ (Young 2002, p. 43). The racism that keeps Hollywood films so white is related to and indeed precipitates the use of inexplicit signifiers of racialised value.

^7. Having confirmed before Blake's arrival that neither of them were cheating on him, both ‘confess’ to multiple affairs later on, ostensibly to show Blake how it feels. Whether or not either of both of them is sincere in their confessions is left inconclusive and open to interpretation.

^8. The songs by Dubcheck function as a lietmotiv for Lou. Lietmotiv is ‘a clearly defined theme or musical idea, representing or symbolising a person, object, idea etc. which returns in its original or an altered form at appropriate points in a dramatic (mainly operatic) work’ (The Grove Concise Dictionary of Music).

^9. Anderson (2010) calls this dissonance wherein acceptance of cheating bridges desires for both monogamy and recreational sex – among young, straight men – ‘the monogamy gap’.

^10. Lou and Carla discovered early on that he kept their photos in the same frame on his piano, switching them according to who was there.

^11. See Willey and Giordano (2011) for a critique of the science behind the gendered evolutionary tale of monogamy.

^12. See Petrella (2007) on how polyamory self-help books use this ethos to elevate polyamory to the status of a ‘superlative relationship’ wherein the work required is greater, hence so too are the personal benefits.

^13. See Feminist Studies Forum on SlutWalk (2012) for a rich discussion of the politics of and debate surrounding the re-appropriation of ‘slut’ in the campaign. See especially Durba Mitra's analysis of the politics of victim-blaming that critiques of the word's use have tended to elide.

^14. Berlant uses ‘cruel optimism’ to describe affective attachments to fantasies that are not in our interests.

^15. See Shah (2009) for a critique of how a politics of inclusivity leads to uncritical approaches to sexuality on the left.

Additional information

Notes on contributors

Angela Willey

Angela Willey is an Assistant Professor of Feminist Science Studies, jointly appointed in Gender Studies at Mount Holyoke College, the School of Critical Social Inquiry at Hampshire College, and Women, Gender, Sexuality Studies at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. Her research examines the historical and cultural reproduction of the ideal of monogamy as well as resistance to the normalisation of coupled forms of social belonging.