“And then I came out…”: A thematic analysis of gay men’s recalled memories of coming out and its impact on their mental health and well-being

Abstract

Background

Coming out to parents can have beneficial long-term mental health outcomes for gay men. Though studies have explored the phenomenon of coming out, there are limited qualitative insights regarding the emotions that gay men experienced after disclosing their sexual orientation.

Methods

Nineteen interviews with Black/African American, Hispanic/Latino American, and White/Caucasian American self-identified and out gay men, ages 19–30, were analyzed using the iterative process associated with inductive qualitative thematic analysis.

Results

Data showed that parental willingness to engage in conversations about their son’s sexual identity helped sixteen participants to (i) have a release from heteronormative expectations, (ii) have renewed self-confidence, (iii) be unapologetically themselves, and (iv) engage in critical normalization of sexual identity conversations. Interestingly though, for three participants, these conversations had no overall impact on their mental health.

Conclusions

For the majority, coming out helped to create a positive shift in overall mental health—more specifically the conversations helped improve their self-esteem; as once their parents knew of their sexuality, they no longer cared about social pressures to conform. Accordingly, they began publicly building social support and friendship networks. For a few, coming out was viewed as a formality and had no lasting impact on their overall mental health. Study findings underscored both the benefits and importance of open communications between parents and their gay sons.

Keywords:

• Gay men
• mental health
• parent-child communications
• sexuality
• thematic analysis

Disclosure statement

This article uses data from a dissertation completed by Allen (2017).