Frenemies: Acting like Friends but Feeling like Enemies

Abstract

Frenemies, partners who appear to be friends on the surface, yet purport to dislike one another, have received less attention in the scholarly literature than friends and enemies. To explore the discordant and complicated relationship known as frenemyship, 72 undergraduates completed an open-ended online survey that was coded using inductive thematic analysis. Findings indicate that frenemies play a significant role in people’s lives and represent not just a behavioral form (e.g., relational aggression), but an independent relational type characterized by disguised disdain. Results indicate that people maintain frenemyships because relational benefits (e.g., saving face, maintaining social networks, and sustaining potential instrumental connections) outweigh negative ramifications of dealing with the relationship or terminating it. From these findings, we propose a definition of frenemyship as a discordant relationship in which one or both parties engage in cordial interactions, while simultaneously evaluating the other in a distrustful, unfriendly, even hostile, manner.

Keywords:

• Bullying
• Conflict
• Enemyship
• Frenemy
• Friendship

Disclosure Statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author(s).

Correction Statement

This article has been corrected with minor changes. These changes do not impact the academic content of the article.

Additional information

Notes on contributors

Carol Bishop Mills

Carol Bishop Mills, Ph.D., is a Professor of Communication Studies and the Director of the School of Communication and Multimedia Studies at Florida Atlantic University.

Panfeng Yu

Panfeng Yu is a Ph.D. candidate in the Hugh Downs School of Human Communication at Arizona State university. She works on the influences of communication in frenemy relationships on mental health outcomes.

Paul A. Mongeau

Paul Mongeau, Ph.D., is a Herberger Professor in the Hugh Downs School of Human Communication at Arizona State University.