Exiting the Manosphere. A Gendered Analysis of Radicalization, Diversion and Deradicalization Narratives from r/IncelExit and r/ExRedPill

Abstract

The growth of the online ‘manosphere’ has raised significant concerns regarding the movement’s highly misogynistic discourses and related lone offender attacks perpetrated by incels. This article employs a digital ethnography approach to examine r/IncelExit and r/ExRedPill, two forums dedicated to assisting individuals leave the manosphere. Utilizing a gendered perspective, this study delves into narratives from these forums to engage with theoretical debates on the conceptual need to recognize masculine agency. Key focus areas include exploring the radicalization and deradicalization processes, along with examination of narratives from individuals who use these subreddits to divert from joining the manosphere.

This article explores the unique perspectives of individuals who are leaving, diverting-from, or have left the manosphere. The manosphere is an umbrella-term used to refer to the array of online groups and figures who share overlapping antifeminist sentiments and oftentimes violently misogynistic ideologies, including incels, pick-up artists (PUAs), men’s rights activists (MRAs) and others.¹ Broadly, the manosphere is undergirded by the belief that women have too much power in contemporary Western society, alongside varying biologically essentialist and pseudo-scientific interpretations of evolutionary psychology about (heterosexual) dating patterns.² Drawing on an analogy from a scene in the 1999 film The Matrix, people who have taken the ‘red pill’ believe that they have become awoken to this reality.³ Yet interpretations of the red pill vary across the manosphere. In r/TheRedPill, users draw on the belief that women are innately attracted to ‘alpha’ males and devise strategies to become more masculine.⁴ Whereas within (male) incel (involuntary celibate) communities, users subscribe to the more nihilistic ‘black pill’ ideology. Centrally for incels, is the belief that they are so fundamentally unmasculine and unattractive, that efforts to become more ‘alpha’ (and therefore more attractive to women) are ultimately futile.⁵

With a number of lone offender attacks being committed by young men inspired by the incel black pill ideology, this particular segment of the manosphere has drawn attention from terrorism experts and agencies alike, who have highlighted the need for deradicalization measures to be developed.⁶ However, the misogynistic attitudes endorsed by the manosphere more broadly can be considered to be criminogenic in nature, given the correlation between such attitudes and rates of violence against women.⁷ Indeed, accounts from users on r/ExRedPill detailed in this article, sometimes included admissions from male users that they had abused their partners after following the antifeminist ‘red pill’ ideology, with such narratives echoed by some women who described their own victimization from current or former partners who started engaging with manosphere content. Such data provides original empirical evidence of manosphere beliefs being central in the perpetration of violence against women.

Narratives from users of r/ExRedPill and r/IncelExit discussed here shed light on the dynamics of both radicalization to and from the manosphere, thus responding to the need for researchers and practitioners interested in online misogyny to consider these processes.⁸ Indeed, this has proved challenging for researchers in this area so far, because incel culture in particular is often characterized by a sarcastic and satirical tone which “makes it difficult to parse incel ideology and assess actual radicalization”.⁹ Advantageously here, narratives from r/ExRedPill and r/IncelExit were observed to be typically written without this humorous obfuscation, providing for particularly insightful narratives into how individuals join, and potentially leave, manosphere communities.

Both r/IncelExit and r/ExRedPill share the same aim of helping supporters of the antifeminist incel ‘black pill’ and manosphere ‘red pill’ ideologies move past these belief-systems. The subreddit r/IncelExit was created in October 2019¹⁰ and at the time of writing has over 14,000 subscribers, with the aim to help “people who got drawn into the Incel community… find a way to get back on track”¹¹. Apart from Davis’ Master’s thesis¹² on the construction of masculine hierarchies in r/IncelExit, along with my own initial publication on this topic,¹³ there is no other literature that substantially explores this subreddit that has been published to date. Despite its larger subscriber count of over 19,500 and its earlier formation in May 2014¹⁴, r/ExRedPill has not been the focus of any publications other than my own recent work.¹⁵ Its community description specifies the subreddit is for “former redpillers and others who recognize the damage caused by redpill [sic]”.¹⁶ Although I have previously written a shorter, more discussion-oriented piece on the possible implications of the emergence of these subreddits, this study is the first to offer an in-depth overview and analysis of radicalization, diversion and deradicalization narratives of individuals influenced by manosphere ideologies.

As this article will explore, posts from former members of the incel and red pill movements promisingly demonstrate that some individuals appear to be able to move past these misogynistic belief-systems. Firstly drawing on such narratives to problematize the link between aggrieved entitlement, misogyny and violence, this article also provides further empirical evidence highlighting the greater need for conceptual nuance and recognition of men’s agential capacity to progressively change and avoid patriarchal beliefs.¹⁷ Nonetheless, observations from this digital ethnography suggest that deradicalization from the manosphere is not a simple, linear or guaranteed process, even if some appear to succeed in this journey. More positively, this article proposes that the organically created r/IncelExit and r/ExRedPill forums on Reddit, although small, appear to assist some individuals deradicalize from extremist manosphere beliefs, while also helping others to avoid becoming radicalized to the manosphere at all.

The structure of this article is as follows. Firstly, this project’s use of digital ethnography is reported on, including the procedural aspects of this methodology. Next, a review of this article’s focus on theories of gender to analyze this research’s findings is detailed. Following this, a brief overview of r/ExRedPill and r/IncelExit is provided. The findings and discussion of this research are framed using a Reflexive Thematic Analysis (RTA) approach, guided by subsections that focus on radicalization to the manosphere, diversion narratives that highlight individuals seeking help from these forums to avoid radicalization, and stories that detail deradicalization and rehabilitation from red and black pill ideologies. Importantly, there is a caveat here: The distinction between radicalization, diversion and deradicalization narratives could be quite blurred, because it was often unclear how much an individual user might have engaged with manosphere dogma and the extent to which they had adopted, followed or rejected manosphere dogma.

Methods

The r/ExRedPill and r/IncelExit subreddits were investigated using a digital ethnography approach. Digital ethnography is a qualitative research method that applies the principles of ethnography to the digital realm, and assumes no specific data collection techniques or analytical frameworks.¹⁸ This approach follows the underlying principles of ethnography to holistically and richly understand internet communities, while also allowing for the analysis of the motivations of individual participants within them.¹⁹ Much like traditional ethnography, researchers who have used digital ethnography to explore online groups have varied considerably, and have chosen specific techniques that have catered to the specific needs of their studies.²⁰ In my own approach to ethnography, I draw on specific stories within the collected data to illustrate particular findings and analytical arguments that may be based on more than just one specific narrative. At times, this writing relies on a number of shorter quotes or summaries of broader observations. Elsewhere, I quote large segments of text that are particularly insightful. Where necessary, certain narratives or discussions between multiple users are paraphrased and summarized to improve conciseness. Following common ethnographic practices,²¹ observational notes were also taken while conducting this research.

The findings presented in this research are based on observations from collecting and analyzing 160 posts in total, comprising 80 posts from each of r/ExRedPill and r/IncelExit. Top-level posts varied considerably in length, with some containing only a short question to the forum, while others could be very long narrative perspectives, surpassing 1000 words. As of the time that these posts were collected, there were a total of 6,555 comments in response to these posts. Of this, 129 comments from r/ExRedPill and 152 from r/IncelExit were coded based on the (subjective) analytical richness of the comment. However, time limitations meant that it was impractical to code or read all comments written in response to a post, which sometimes received over 100 comments. In conducting this ethnography, I did not interact or engage with the forum and its participants, meaning that observations are based entirely on the collected data. All posts were initially published and subsequently collected between April and October 2022. To ensure that these posts were broadly representative of the respective communities, on the first Monday of May and July 2022, the ten ‘top’ and ‘most recent’ posts from each forum were selected. The other 40 posts from each subreddit were qualitatively selected, subjectively based upon how analytically rich certain narratives or discussions appeared to be. As mentioned earlier, many individuals without an apparent personal connection to the manosphere post in these subreddits, yet these were less relevant to this project’s interest in radicalization, diversion and deradicalization from the manosphere. Therefore, posts that were selected qualitatively were only written by individuals who had either: engaged, or were still engaging with manosphere ideas; were seeking advice, that may or may not have been engaged with manosphere ideas; and posts written by people who had a close relationship with someone who had become radicalized by red- and/or black-pill ideologies. Some posts written by outsiders were collected amongst the 40 non-qualitatively selected posts from each forum, but such posts were generally less insightful for this research’s objectives.

Following the data gathering procedure, a reflexive thematic analysis (RTA) approach was used to qualitatively identify and code themes from within this data, while also relating these findings to the gendered theoretical framing of this research.²² RTA is a variation of thematic analysis (TA).²³ In TA, themes are generated through the identification of patterns within the data;²⁴ whereas RTA involves both this inductive generation of themes, along with the deductive creation of themes informed through the theoretical framework of a project.²⁵ This approach therefore allows for the qualitative identification of patterns across the data collected for this project, while reflexively considering these findings in relation to the broader background literature and theoretical lens that frames this study. NVivo was used to qualitatively code the data collected from the digital ethnography process, according to principles of the RTA approach. Some codes were therefore based on original observations identified within this data, such as one for cataloguing comments and posts from individuals who described having a close relationship with someone who was influenced by manosphere beliefs. Meanwhile, other codes were informed by theoretical concepts, such as on aggrieved entitlement. Because this study of r/ExRedPill and r/IncelExit was part of a larger doctoral research design investigating online forums that discuss singleness, involuntary celibacy and dating strategies, some of the codes created for this broader project were rarely relevant for these specific subreddits, such as those pertaining to LGBTQIA + experiences of singleness.

To protect the anonymity of users, all quotes have been slightly adjusted so they are not reverse-searchable, while still retaining the original sentiment of the text. This is in accordance with this project’s (Project Number: 29362) approval from Monash University’s Human Research Ethics Committee (HREC), following the best-practice recommendations of Fiesler and Proferes²⁶ and the Association of Internet Researchers.²⁷ Uniquely, ChatGPT was used to more efficiently alter many of the longer user quotes. This original method involved using the following input into ChatGPT: “Rewrite this quote so that it is not reverse-searchable, yet retains its original meaning, sentiment and writing style: [user quote]”. To better capture the informality of the writing of many users, sometimes this input was altered to include a reference to a “casual” writing style.

Using Theories of Gender to Analyze Manosphere Discourses

A gendered analysis of discourses within r/ExRedPill and r/IncelExit is held to be productive here, because individual performances of masculinity and gendered expectations surrounding dating and identity more broadly, are central to the incel and red pill movements. As Hoffman and colleagues have argued, feminist research “has led the charge in analyzing the environment in which incels operate and the root causes of their violence”.²⁸ Therefore, the following prominent concepts from the gender studies field are used to inform this article’s analysis of discourses from r/ExRedPill and r/IncelExit.

Connell’s theoretical work on gender influences this work, along with critiques of hegemonic masculinity and other concepts rooted in this framework. Hegemonic masculinity is “not a fixed character type”, but rather, “the masculinity that occupies the hegemonic position in a given pattern of gender relations”.²⁹ Through this hegemonic form of masculinity continually adjusting, Connell and Messerschmidt propose that this has allowed patriarchy to be maintained and reproduced across cultures and time, although they do not assume hegemonic masculinity will necessarily reproduce ad infinitum.³⁰

To Connell, the relegation of subordinate masculinities is as important to the reproduction of hegemonic masculinity as the subjugation of women.³¹ Accordingly, such subordination of certain masculinities can delineate boundaries of acceptable masculine performances, by “defining ‘real’ masculinity by its distance from the rejected”.³² Arguably however, it is not actually particular masculine traits that are being relegated in this process. Instead, Schippers contends that subordinate masculinity is better understood as femininity or feminine traits performed or embodied by men, which are therefore socially subjugated for crossing the binary, gendered expectations of how men and women should do gender.³³ From this standpoint, the subjugation of subordinate masculinities – which Schippers instead refers to as “male femininities” – fits in line with the view that femininity itself should be considered an axis of intersectional oppression.³⁴ Correspondingly, Hoskin’s writing on femmephobia,³⁵ a concept which contends that femininity is systematically devalued, is utilized in this article’s analysis.

From a different angle, Demetriou has also influentially rejected the distinction between hegemonic and non-hegemonic masculinities, arguing that it is overly binary.³⁶ Instead, Demetriou suggests that different masculinities influence one another through the process of ‘hybridization’, suggesting that hybridity and negotiation are influential in allowing hegemonic groups to maintain dominance. Demetriou demonstrates this interplay by referring to instances where aspects of male homosexual culture and fashion have been appropriated into dominant masculinities, such as through the wearing of earrings. Thus, Demetriou argues that hegemonic masculinity is “not constructed in total opposition” to subordinated and marginalized masculinities, but rather, the appropriation of aspects of such masculinities through hybridization can allow hegemonic masculinity to transform.³⁷

Hybrid masculinity³⁸ is a particularly applicable concept when unpacking the juxtaposition between the self-subordinating discourse of manosphere communities and their desire to return to a retrograde era of uncontested patriarchal power.³⁹ But the concept has also been criticized for implicitly viewing any softening of masculinity to be a patriarchal masquerade, when such changes may instead point towards legitimate progressive changes amongst men’s performances of masculinity.⁴⁰ Consequently, Ralph and Roberts argue that the masculinities field needs to improve its theoretical capacity to recognize men’s capacity to change and improve behavior,⁴¹ while also avoiding the pitfalls of Inclusive Masculinity Theory,⁴² which has been criticized for its optimistic assumption that acceptance of homosexuality amongst men may fundamentally erode hegemonic masculinity.⁴³ As I have previously flagged,⁴⁴ the existence of men and boys who had initially endorsed the misogynistic and patriarchal views of the manosphere, only to then subsequently denounce such views in r/IncelExit and r/ExRedPill, provides for a particularly unique perspective on this theoretical debate.

Aggrieved entitlement is another gendered concept that will be critically engaged with in this article’s analysis. The concept of aggrieved entitlement examines how some men and boys who feel emasculated may use violence to avenge perceived enemies, to compensate for their sense of subordination.⁴⁵ Through detailing brief profiles of American school shooters, Kalish and Kimmel argue that virtually all American school shootings have been committed by isolated, geeky and/or socially awkward, adolescent males. They contend that for these school shooters, violence has served as a way to avenge the humiliation they had suffered in high school. As they describe, these school shooters have felt aggrieved by a social hierarchy where they are at the bottom, bullied and teased. Yet they feel entitlement too; for they believe that they are deserving of what they desire, and maintain that others should feel the pain that they have endured for not attaining what they feel entitled to. This approach is exclusively centered on masculinity and men/boys; to Kalish and Kimmel, aggrieved entitlement is a “gendered emotion… And its gender is masculine”.⁴⁶ The central justification here focuses on humiliation: “Aggrieved entitlement inspires revenge against those who have wronged you; it is the compensation for humiliation. Humiliation is emasculation: humiliate someone and you take away his manhood”.⁴⁷ In other words, they argue that the emasculation of being bullied and occupying a lower masculine social ranking is so humiliating, that for some men and boys who feel entitled to greater masculine status and power, violent retribution becomes a seemingly inevitable response.

Earlier research on incels has found the concept to be analytically beneficial in understanding the relatively similar circumstances and motivations of incel-inspired lone offender attackers.⁴⁸ Similarly, I have also found the concept to be useful in analyzing the misogynistic rhetoric that prevails within incel forums.⁴⁹ Yet in this earlier work, and to a greater extent here, it is argued that it is necessary to problematize this link between masculinity, aggrieved entitlement and misogynistically-motivated violence. For instance, it is unclear in Kalish and Kimmel’s original writing on aggrieved entitlement, nor in Kimmel’s later work,⁵⁰ how and when aggrieved entitlement motivates violence. Indeed, it appears that for most incels, and probably others in the manosphere, aggrieved entitlement more frequently motivates rhetorical violence against women, rather than physical violence.⁵¹ In this article’s analysis, a more nuanced and complicated view of aggrieved entitlement and its connection to misogynistic beliefs is offered. Namely, it will focus on discourses from r/IncelExit and r/ExRedPill, where sexist attitudes abounded without a corresponding sense of (masculine) entitlement. Furthermore, this analysis will also demonstrate that manosphere ideologies could be attractive to men even if they did not appear to have an accompanying sense of entitlement to women. Returning to the argument that there is a need for masculinities research to emphasize the agency individuals have in how they perform gender,⁵² it will also be demonstrated that some users were able to recognize when they felt entitled to a particular romantic interest, and then thoughtfully consider why they felt this way – with the assistance of other commenters on r/ExRedPill and r/IncelExit.

Overview of r/ExRedPill and r/IncelExit

Given the lack of research on both r/ExRedPill and r/IncelExit to date, briefly, this section will outline some general observations from this digital ethnography about who seems to participate in these forums, and the types of posts that most commonly appear. In both r/IncelExit and r/ExRedPill, there is a diverse mix of users who convalesce. Although this is by no means an exhaustively measured or extensive summary, the following groups were identified based on my observations and analysis: individuals appearing to sincerely question or move past their manosphere beliefs; outsiders interested in the manosphere, who seek to offer guidance as best they can, including women, therapists and many others, such as even a reverend; former incels/red pillers, who have moved past their formerly held beliefs and seek to assist others; people from the manosphere who are trolling or disingenuously engaging in debates; and lastly, people with no apparent connection to the manosphere, who post statements criticizing various aspects of the red pill/incel movements, such as its ideology or high profile figures. Rarely, women describing their own radicalization to the manosphere also participated in these forums, with two such narratives appearing on r/ExRedPill, while one post on r/IncelExit was written by a nineteen-year-old self-described female incel. Although Jarvis and Eddington have previously studied r/RedPillWomen,⁵³ a subreddit with over 65,000 users,⁵⁴ little research to date has considered women’s radicalization to the manosphere’s misogynistic and anti-feminist beliefs.

A notable difference between the forums is that there was perhaps a slightly higher tendency for posts on r/ExRedPill to come from outsiders who were ideologically opposed to the manosphere, although this did occur on r/IncelExit as well. This is potentially unproductive, as research within the countering violent extremism (CVE) field has found initiatives that offer individuals oppositional counter-narratives are often less effective than alternative narratives that open up space for mutual understanding and tolerance, which can help to address the grievances and psycho-social needs of people who may be vulnerable to extremist ideologies.⁵⁵ Illustrating this, most former right-wing extremists interviewed by Scrivens et al. described how aggressive and judgmental responses from others to their beliefs pushed them further into violent extremism.⁵⁶ Therefore, such counter narratives on r/ExRedPill and r/IncelExit may create an alienating and unwelcoming space for newcomers who are beginning to challenge their own red-pill beliefs.⁵⁷ Reflecting a similar sentiment in a highly-upvoted post on r/ExRedPill, the forum’s dynamic was criticized by one user as creating an “echo chamber” within the community, as people expressing red-pill beliefs would often be downvoted, rather than productively engaged with. As Massanari details in an influential article on the misogynistic online incidents of Gamergate and The Fappening,⁵⁸ Reddit’s ‘karma’ points system, where users upvote or downvote posts and comments, can stymie or silence minority views. But whereas Massanari argued that this system contributed to the ‘toxic technocultures’ on particular subreddits where misogynistic views were popular, an inverted and staunchly anti-misogynistic dynamic occurred within r/ExRedPill – albeit one that was often quite contested. Namely, because of the anti-manosphere principles of the subreddit, people with red pill sympathies – even if they were in the process of questioning their own beliefs – could be met with downvotes and disdain, rather than empathy and encouragement.

Findings and Analysis

User Reflections on Their Radicalization to the Manosphere

In notably frank and introspective narratives, multiple users described their personal pathways to taking the red- and/or black- pills of the manosphere. Whether in individual posts or comments in other discussions, users on r/ExRedPill and r/IncelExit provided rich, diverse and unique details about their experiences. Although individual stories often differed considerably, this section will provide an overview of pathways to the manosphere that appeared more frequently. For the most part, these observations are based on an assortment of different narrative posts where the user described their own radicalization journey. However, one post on r/ExRedPill specifically asked users how they got interested in the red pill, which provided relevant viewpoints for this subject, even if only four users responded with their own radicalization stories.

A common pathway into the manosphere was that many individuals sought to comprehend and respond to romantic rejection. As one user on r/ExRedPill estimated, “95% of people on TRP [The Red Pill] had their hearts broken by a girl in high school or university”, before admitting that he “was one of them. I desperately wanted to understand why I felt inadequate. Why that girl didn’t want me anymore and why she chose a different guy over me”. For some users, the red pill was appealing after experiencing a difficult breakup or being cheated on, whereby such challenging personal experiences could be explained by the ideological belief that women are evolutionarily-wired to cheat or manipulate men.⁵⁹ This appeal was explained by one user who had subsequently moved on from their previously-held beliefs: “I was caught up by the red pill after splitting up with a woman who was very toxic. For HER, I still believe most red pill theories are applicable. The issue is to extend this to every other woman on earth”. Furthermore, the incel black pill could offer an alluringly simple, deterministic explanation for a lack of romantic success entirely. As a user on r/IncelExit explained, “I didn’t have any luck with women so the blackpill reinforced my belief that I was ugly”. Given that red and black pill ideologies contend that women are exclusively attracted to hypermasculine men,⁶⁰ romantic rejection could therefore be attributed to insecurities about (subjective) personal shortcomings, both physical and emotional.

Relating to this, a fear of masculine inadequacy was another prominent theme within both forums. Low self-esteem is noted elsewhere to be a common personal factor in radicalization,⁶¹ but in this case, such difficulties were also highly gendered. Many users described how their inability to act like an ‘alpha’ caused considerable mental distress, as manosphere doctrine steadfastly holds that women are not attracted to ‘beta-males’.⁶² Consequently, some users described attempting to avoid any emotional sensitivity or feminine traits, supporting the view that distancing oneself from femininity is often integral to how masculinity is performed.⁶³ As one user on r/ExRedPill explained, manosphere views on masculinity and women’s attraction were extremely damaging to his self-esteem and sense of gendered identity, which prompted him to dramatically change his behavior:

I had realized the real issue… I had nearly all the traits described about these so-called ‘betas’. I understood that if I wanted to stand out I needed to be cold, careless, and maybe even a little mean sometimes and have many options with women and socially stand out, because according to the red pill that’s what the female nature looks for, and I truly thought that and that it made sense about why I’ve failed with all the girls I’ve fell in love with.

For this user, attempts to shape his personality to the ideal presented by the alpha-male gendered actor left him feeling frustrated, lonely, and suffering from anxiety attacks, before he concluded that the disconnection between this ideal and his authentic identity was unendurable. Describing a period of deep personal reflection, the user described that he could not be “cold, careless”, like the red pill endorses, because at heart he was “an introvert” that liked “gaming, superheroes, manga, reading and other geeky things”, before emphatically concluding that “It doesn’t worry me if I’m a ‘beta’ anymore”. Despite this user’s desire to change their views on their own behavior and performance of gender, another user’s description of their own sense of masculine inadequacy demonstrated the difficulty in challenging a negative view of oneself after consuming red pill content. Proclaiming that he was “completely unmasculine” because he was an “over-sensitive, highly emotional, excessively bookish beta-male”, this user’s post on r/ExRedPill described intense, unresolved pain stemming from the disjuncture between his emotionality and a manosphere-influenced view of masculinity and what women are purportedly attracted to:

If I were to ‘ascend’ [lose virginity], I’d be stuck upholding a façade of masculinity indefinitely. I’d still have to assert myself during intimacy while suppressing my genuine emotional desires. I’d still be isolated, satisfying my sexual longings yet still yearning for a deeper connection… I fear dying alone, yet I detest having to conform to a fuckboy persona to win a woman’s affection… I feel so shameful about this but don’t know how to stop feeling this way.

Although posts like these inevitably received responses from others on the forum (including from women themselves) countering that many women are attracted to emotionally sensitive men, manosphere interpretations of women’s attraction appeared to be hard to let go of for many users. A possible interpretation of this, is that the power of manosphere beliefs on female attraction lies in their ability to be readily applied to any sense of masculine insecurity. In this case, the user is particularly concerned about how his sensitivity and emotionality are unmasculine – and implicitly, feminine. Alternatively, this user’s apparent disregard for what women themselves state that they are attracted to, could be interpreted as following a broader societal pattern of devaluing femininity and women more generally.⁶⁴ But in either case, femmephobia appears to underlie this dynamic, supporting Hoskin’s contention that this concept has applicability in the masculinities research context too.⁶⁵

It is also worthwhile here to reflect on the two narratives from women in r/ExRedPill which described their own radicalization to the red pill, which shared many similarities to narratives written by male users. Again, issues with self-esteem and successfully performing gender were crucial to their belief in red pill ideas. One user described how she felt “abnormal” and had low self-esteem because she had never had a boyfriend by the age of seventeen. This user subsequently latched onto red pill content because it gave her clear guidance on how to “be more attractive to men”, thus providing a framework for her to successfully perform femininity in a way that was purportedly desirable to men. In the second narrative, this other user described how she attempted to perform the “tradwife” ideal “so that [she] could be respected”, because this passive, hegemonic feminine ideal is idolized within red pill communities.⁶⁶ Thus the red pill’s rigidly binary view of gender roles could be attractive to both men and women experiencing insecurity about their own gendered presentation, as it outlined clear expectations about how men and women should act.

While this section has demonstrated that issues of low self-esteem were a commonplace personal factor in radicalization, especially as this pertained to a sense of gendered inadequacy, some profoundly self-critical assessments of appearances also perhaps indicate the prevalence of underlying depressive and/or body dysmorphic disorders. Although much caution should be taken in inferring possible psychological diagnoses from the textual data collected for this research, some narratives were particularly distressing in their hateful self-descriptions, while many users described their engagement with therapy and referred to specific psychological diagnoses they had received. Importantly, difficulties with low self-esteem also appeared to influence experiences with dating, with some users discounting evidence of romantic interest or compliments from others. As Davis highlights,⁶⁷ this also leads some users to view themselves as low-ranking in the masculine hierarchy of attractiveness, showing that within these communities there is often still a noticeable influence of incel ideas. Distressingly, some users, like this man in his early twenties on r/ExRedPill, also described suicidal ideation:

…My sense of self-worth has plummeted, and I have felt the urge to end my own life - last week, I even reached out to a hotline for help. Whenever I catch sight of myself in the mirror, I can’t help but feel repulsed. While others have complimented my appearance, describing me as handsome, badass, or decent, it seems like nothing more than empty flattery. I’ve had a few instances of women showing interest in me when I’m out in public, with a couple being quite obvious (I still regret not taking action), and even at the gym, my father points out when a girl is checking me out. But these moments are few and far between, and more often than not, I feel like I’m met with indifference, ridicule, or simply overlooked entirely.

Despite the distressing nature of this narrative, positively, this user described finding r/ExRedPill as a “godsend”. Because the forum provided evidence that countered the narratives about appearances that proliferate in the manosphere about appearances, which he described had ruined his self-image, r/ExRedPill did appear to offer some helpful social support and advice. Nonetheless, individuals with such significant mental health issues clearly require far more support than what strangers on an internet forum can provide, evidenced by this user’s ongoing mental health challenges and engagement with a crisis support service. Furthermore, some users could also be highly resistant and dismissive to the comments of others, even if they were empathetic and supportive. In one discussion on r/IncelExit where the original poster (OP) expressed that he could not fathom that his matches on Tinder could be attracted to him, another user commented that they had suffered from body dysmorphia, and suggested that the OP might also suffer from the same condition. But despite admitting that they had every symptom associated with body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), the OP adamantly rejected the commenter’s advice, stating: “I don’t suffer from genuine body dysmorphia; I’m just a repulsive individual”.

On the one hand, it is positive that individuals facing such severe issues with self-esteem have a place to vent and solicit support. However, it is also apparent that many individuals likely have complex psychological needs that far-surpass what well-intended advice on an internet forum can provide. While respondents to posts often encouraged users to seek therapy, some users also stated they were unable to access therapy due to its prohibitive cost, highlighting the need for access to mental health services to be improved. Nonetheless, despite the limitations in the support the r/IncelExit and r/ExRedPill communities could offer to people facing significant mental health challenges, the forums ultimately appear to help many face such difficulties. Relatedly, a number of users recommended the popular HealthyGamerGG YouTube channel as a useful therapeutic resource.⁶⁸ Created and hosted by psychiatrist Dr. Alok Kanojia, a self-described recovered gaming addict,⁶⁹ this channel provides psychological advice for its fanbase of predominantly young male gamers. Although again, a virtual approach to mental healthcare has inherent limitations, with over one million subscribers and an adoring subreddit that itself appears to serve as its own informal support network,⁷⁰ such innovative approaches should be encouraged and researched further.

Observations from this digital ethnography suggest that a relatively common radicalization pathway stems from men and boys seeking advice and help for the psychosocial challenges they face online, which led them to manosphere figures who post videos offering motivational, self-help and dating advice to this demographic. Notably, such videos could offer (mis-)guidance to users facing significant personal difficulties. For example, one user from r/ExRedPill described how his mother’s absence and his father’s traumatic death at a young age meant he was desperately searching for a role model, which he sought through watching motivational self-help videos on YouTube. While some of these figures were not ideologically aligned to the manosphere, like Mark Manson (author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck [2016]), he was also drawn to far-right figures such as Jordan Peterson. Although a minority of other users also described experiences of traumatic childhood events shaping their pathway to the manosphere, such figures were also popular with many other users. For example, a twenty-year-old user on r/ExRedPill said that during the pandemic he watched one red pill video and then another, which then sent him “down the rabbit hole” to watching other manosphere videos, supporting research suggesting that social media recommendation algorithms may be influential in a person’s radicalization pathway.⁷¹

Youthfulness appeared to be a personal factor in radicalization to the manosphere, with anecdotes frequently centering on experiences at high school or university, while many users also specifically denoted their age and sex in their posts or comments. Although age is a common personal factor of radicalization to different extremist ideologies,⁷² this may also be exacerbated in this context, because a lack of romantic experiences may impair an individual’s ability to critically consider manosphere ideas. Quite simply, many users appeared to simply lack life experiences that could potentially counter manosphere ideas about women. Indeed, evidence presented later in this article will show that for some deradicalized users, positive, compassionate experiences with women which challenged the manosphere’s misogynistic tropes about women, were often critical in an individual reflecting on their beliefs. However, some users in both forums were in middle age, with some users from r/ExRedPill also referring to marriages.

Perspectives from users showed that consumption of manosphere propaganda was often a radicalization pull factor, although this often interacted with individual-level characteristics.⁷³ For example, some narratives clearly pointed to how manosphere ideas could shape young users’ understanding of friendship, romantic relationships and love at a formative age. The influence that PUAs had had in shaping one fifteen-year-old user was particularly noteworthy. This individual, who stated that he used to watch PUA videos when he was younger, asked on r/IncelExit if he was “simping”⁷⁴ a female friend whom he appeared to have a crush on. This user expressed concern that by complimenting his friend; walking with her home from school; sharing and discussing experiences of trauma; helping her deal with a creepy guy; and by just generally being a very good friend in a seemingly mutually respectful and reciprocal relationship; he feared he was “simping”. In this user’s narrative, it is evident that he has sincere respect and admiration for his friend, even if his more romantically-inclined feelings towards her might not be reciprocated, stating that he does not “do kind acts for her or compliment her so she likes me back, i just do it cause i want to thats all. i guess its cool if she likes me too but its alright if she doesn’t”. Clearly, the influence of watching PUA videos induced fear about how this user performed masculinity, for he did not want to be the emasculated simp that the manosphere derides. Put another way: watching such videos affected him so much that he questioned whether he should be respectful and kind to women at all if he wanted to accomplish the manosphere’s conceptualization of masculinity. Yet showing the potential this subreddit offers, this user was able to find a supportive space to ask for advice freely and openly. Given that the narrator responded receptively to other users offering advice to him, and again sought feedback on at least three other occasions on the forum (these posts were also collected in this research), it appears that r/IncelExit and r/ExRedPill do offer sympathetic, alternative narratives that may help to divert some individuals from participating or re-engaging with manosphere forums. However, subsequent posts from this user also highlighted how moving away from such ideas is in no-way an easy, linear, or guaranteed process. Discourses presented in further sections will underline this point.

Diversion

Despite r/IncelExit and r/ExRedPill being primarily aimed at supporting individuals who have already become radicalized by manosphere ideologies, the forums also attracted a number of individuals who were drawn to these ideas, but did not appear to be fully convinced by them either. For this subset of people within r/IncelExit and r/ExRedPill, the forums provided a space where they could vent about their experiences of singleness, ask for advice or support, and also query the validity of specific red and black pill ideas to a community that offered alternative narratives to manosphere forums. Previous research has found that in contrast to more oppositional counter-narratives, “alternative narratives can be more effective at challenging extremist narratives because they can directly address real and perceived grievances as well as the psycho-social needs that may lead to engagement with extremist discourse”.⁷⁵ Although this research’s design cannot ascertain whether such users ended up avoiding going down the manosphere rabbit hole, it is nonetheless plausible to infer that through offering alternative narratives in this manner, r/IncelExit and r/ExRedPill help divert some individuals from ascribing to the misogynistic black and red pill ideologies.

While it is promising that many users were engaging with r/ExRedPill and r/IncelExit to move away or divert from manosphere ideas, this did not necessarily mean that they did not continue to hold sexist or problematic views towards gender and dating, supporting Davis’ observations of r/IncelExit.⁷⁶ Still, such narratives often highlight the need for greater nuance within the masculinities field for both recognizing agency and the inherent complexity individuals face in forming their own gendered identity, especially when one is navigating through wildly different perspectives on gender across different online communities. To illustrate this point, let’s firstly focus on a long post written by a seventeen-year-old on r/IncelExit. To begin with, this user described himself as “not quite an incel, but I nearly fell down the red pill rabbit hole”, declaring that he had ultimately “avoided both thankfully”. For this user, he felt a deep sense of shame for being attracted to women: “I’m a seventeen-year-old with these crazy desires that just won’t disappear. I really hate how I have these urges that I can’t do anything about, and I hate how much women turn me on”. This user described his guilt stemming partly from a religious upbringing, but it also was driven by his apparent engagement with feminists online, provoking deep shame and concern about whether he felt entitled to women or objectified them:

I often feel like a deviant or a monstrous person for desiring sexual intimacy with women. I come across comments online, particularly from women, that reiterate the idea that sex is not something to which I am entitled or deserving of. I keep telling myself that I cannot be entitled to sex and should not deserve it. I will never earn the right to see a woman undressed or to feel their body and touch their boobs. I just want to suppress my sex drive entirely, so that I can never make any woman feel uncomfortable. But now I feel sad when I look at women, because I want them sexually so much but I hate myself for feeling that way because I don’t want to objectify them.

According to this user, online anti-misogyny rhetoric made him feel unfairly marginalized, which his narrative suggested was a push factor⁷⁷ in his attraction to the red pill:

…It really bothers me to see so much animosity towards men everywhere. This is precisely why I came close to joining the Red Pill or Incel movements. I mean, imagine being a young, innocent guy like me who has never done anything wrong to women in his life. I’ve never talked to them inappropriately, harassed them, or anything like that. I’m just a normal guy living a normal life. But when I see women hating on men, which obviously includes me, I get pretty frustrated. It’s like, why do they hate us so much? What did I ever do to them? And don’t try to tell me that they don’t mean "all men", because they definitely do.

Ultimately, this user’s shame about his sexual desires and fear of objectifying women led him to believe that reclusively avoiding relationships, sex and contact with women, was the best option for him. Although respondents to this post clarified that while women certainly did not want to experience sexual harassment or objectification, they fundamentally sought to be treated as equals – rather than ignored altogether. In response, the OP was unconvinced by this sentiment, and was unable to see the irony in that through avoiding women entirely on the basis of their gender alone, he would be inadvertently and unintentionally discriminating against them. However, the OP was convinced of his view that women wanted total gender separatism, stating his opinion was based on his time perusing unnamed female-oriented subreddits.

From a masculinities perspective, this users’ narrative challenges orthodox theories. On the one hand, hybrid masculinity could be viewed as applicable, because he feels marginalized and subordinated by feminism, women and his virginity. Yet despite the user’s sexism, the apparent unintentionality of it, combined with a lack of support for masculine supremacy, confounds the applicability of hybrid masculinity to this narrative. Similarly, despite this individual’s sexist and generalized view of women, this narrative does not exhibit aggrieved entitlement as it is conventionally understood. For although he is grappling with strong feelings of sexual frustration and aggrievement at being single, his sense of religiously-influenced sexual shame and awareness of feminist critiques prompts him to strongly repress and guard against any notion of internalized entitlement to women. Such a unique narrative therefore again highlights the need for greater conceptual nuance in understanding the link between aggrieved entitlement and sexism. Because if anything, this particular user felt aggrieved and militantly disentitled to women, yet this still resulted in the user unintentionally viewing women solely on the basis of their sexuality. However, this equation may still contribute to the enactment of violence against women. (Although regarding the aforementioned user, there is not enough information to determine if he poses a risk to others.) Consider Robert Long, who in 2021 killed eight people, mostly women of Asian descent, at separate massage parlors in Atlanta.⁷⁸ Long reportedly held considerable religious shame about his visits to massage parlors for sexual services and his consumption of pornography, leading him to attend a Christian addiction center. He reportedly told police he conducted his attack to eliminate the source of his sexual temptations.⁷⁹ Therefore, Long appears to have felt anger towards sex workers not because he felt entitled to them and they rejected him. Instead, it appears Long’s deeply religious upbringing may have shaped a sense of entitlement to an immaculate relationship with God, whereby sex workers were apportioned blame for contaminating his quest for spiritual purity. Thus, without a sense of entitlement to women, ideological and/or religious righteousness, combined with other (misdirected) grievances towards women, may underlie acts of violence against women. Again, this suggests the connection between aggrieved entitlement and lone offender violence is not as simplistic as previously argued by Kimmel.

Once again problematizing a simple connection between aggrieved entitlement and misogyny, I disagree with Davis’⁸⁰ analysis of a user’s quote where this community member states that: “No one owes you a date. But simply wanting something and being upset that you don’t have it, doesn’t mean you’re entitled… If you want to buy a PS5 but they all sold out quickly, doesn’t mean you feel entitled to a PS5. You’re just in an unfortunate situation and you’re allowed to feel disappointment”. While I concur with Davis’ view that this analogy is dehumanizing through its clunkily sexist comparison of women’s rejection to a gaming console, I dispute her contention that this user is “framing his entitlement as mere disappointment”.⁸¹ If we take this user’s words at face value, this individual is instead expressing the view that while he feels disappointed about being single, he does not feel entitled to date women. Still, even if this user is expressing what I’ll term ‘aggrieved desire’, instead of aggrieved entitlement, it is nonetheless a dehumanizing view of women. This suggests that sexism can abound even in the absence of aggrieved entitlement. Nonetheless, in the second quote in this section – “It’s okay to be pissed… Society has let you down” – Davis also shows that some users on r/IncelExit do still excuse entitled sentiments, even if they profess to have left the incels community.⁸²

In other narratives fitting this diversionary pathway theme, a sense of aggrievement at desiring romantic relationships with women, rather than feeling frustrated and entitled to dating women, often shaped responses to singleness and involuntary celibacy. This is of course, markedly different to the aggrieved entitlement that proliferates within manosphere forums.⁸³ Still, even if there was no apparent sense of entitlement to dating or hostility towards women within such narratives, negative views of oneself remained an alluringly simple explanation for rejection. This was apparent in a narrative in r/IncelExit, where the user described how he’d previously battled to “unlearn heaps of the depressing shit I used to tell myself… (No one finds me interesting, I’m not attractive enough, it’s all my fault no girl has ever dated me, etc)”. But in the face of rejection from a crush, “everything [he] attempted to unlearn was just confirmed by what happened”, as his crush’s romantic disinterest was interpreted to confirm his negative self-beliefs, leading to him worry that he might stay single forever. More positively however, was that despite this user’s regression into negative and deterministic beliefs about his dating prospects, there was nothing in his writing that contained any expression of anger towards the woman who rejected him, nor any sense of entitlement to be in a romantic relationship. Romantic rejection is an upsetting experience and this user clearly desired to be with the woman he still had a crush on, but nothing in this user’s writing suggested he felt entitled to be with her. Quite possibly, this lack of entitlement may have shaped his lack of misogynistic rage. Nonetheless, this narrative shows that a sense of aggrieved entitlement is not the only factor that can make the deterministic and nihilistic views of the incel black pill appealing. A negative self-image can underlie attraction to the negativity of the black pill, rather than just misogynistic rage. Still, it must not be naively presumed that engagement with these rehabilitative and diversionary subreddits automatically means that one’s sense of entitlement to sex/women dissipates.⁸⁴

Yet even if an individual experiences a sense of aggrieved entitlement, reflexive agency can still shape the response to this emotion. In a post on r/IncelExit, another user described getting “illogically upset” and seemingly humiliated when his female friends did not quickly respond to his text messages. Put another way, he felt entitled to receive an immediate response and was aggrieved when they did not. But instead of getting unfairly upset at his friends, this user was able to introspectively consider why he felt this way. In concluding his post, the user self-evaluated that he “feels an unreasonable sense of rejection from [his female friends] which is not the same for male friends… I think on some deeper level I must be wanting validation from women, and tying my self-esteem to them liking me”. Similarly, a user on r/ExRedPill who became indoctrinated by the red pill at sixteen described how a relatively recent break up had made him feel “red pill-fueled anger”. Quite central to this narrative was that because he had emotionally supported her and bought various presents, including an expensive piece of jewelry, being dumped by her “reignited [his] fury at women”. The focus on the narrator’s financial and emotional investment in the relationship here seems to underscore a sense of entitlement to his ex, fueling his sense of aggrievement at being dumped. Still, even if by his own admission the incident had provoked misogynistic thoughts, his acknowledgement and effort to work through these feelings demonstrates his agency and emotional reflexivity. Evidently, even if responses to a sense of aggrieved entitlement lead to misogynistic sentiments, these feelings can be recognized and proactively addressed.

Deradicalization and Rehabilitation

Observing r/IncelExit and r/ExRedPill provided insights into how individuals came to deradicalize themselves from manosphere ideologies. Not only do these perspectives add valuable insights into deradicalization pathways from the manosphere,⁸⁵ it also provides a unique data source to consider and reflect on debate within the masculinities field about the need to consider men’s agency and capacity to move past misogynistic beliefs.⁸⁶ As this section will detail, how individuals left the manosphere varied considerably. Given the qualitative nature of this research’s methodological approach, along with the relatively limited number of narratives that were collected relevant to this specific topic, this research cannot offer a robust and comprehensive description of what pathways out of the manosphere most frequently involve. Still, observations from the collected data demonstrate that some factors contributing to deradicalization were shared between multiple users, offering tentative insights into how individuals who join the manosphere may be encouraged to one day reject such misogynistic views. Like narratives on radicalization pathways, many users reflected in individual posts about their journeys away from manosphere beliefs. However, one particular post on r/ExRedPill specifically asked users what led them to “see through the delusion” of the red pill, which provided a number of interesting insights specifically related to this focus. Although this is in no means a comprehensive analysis of all possible trajectories away from the manosphere, this section will discuss how reaching a psychological or interpersonal breaking point, along with users’ various forms of critical reflection of red and black pill ideologies, were two prominent themes in narratives of deradicalization.

For many users, the process of deradicalization from the manosphere stemmed from a recognition that the ideologies they had subscribed to were either hurting themselves or others they deeply cared about, leading them to reach the point where they felt like they had to reconsider their attachment to these belief systems. Notably, there were some perceptible differences between the two subreddits here. Reflections on r/ExRedPill often involved descriptions of users causing harm to others, because their changes in behavior through following red pill ideology often directly hurt their romantic partners. Whereas red pill beliefs were also described as being individually damaging too, the (presumably) more solitary lives of users from r/IncelExit suggested that following the black pill caused less external harm to others by comparison. (With that said, this finding is specific to the individuals who participated in these two forums. The violent attacks committed by men and boys inspired by incel ideology that have killed dozens of people has obviously caused considerable harm, but there is no indication that the users observed posting in r/IncelExit for this research have committed such attacks.)

From the male perspectives of users on r/ExRedPill, many stories described how they started philandering and acting coldly towards their girlfriends, because manosphere figures recommended such actions. For example, one user in his early twenties reminisced that he “used to be such a kind and relaxed guy” before watching the videos of multiple PUA and manosphere social media figures, which he said turned him into a “dickhead with anger issues”. Believing that monogamy was “a game for suckers”, this led him to cheat on his girlfriend, although interestingly, he also attributed his excessive drinking and material consumerism to following red pill beliefs. According to this user, hitting “this absolute low-point” was a positive development because he was worried what further harm “this horrific lifestyle” would cause, motivating him to seek change. More seriously, another user specifically said that the red pill led him to psychologically abuse his ex-partner, although he did not go into more detail. Some posts on r/ExRedPill from women who were dating or had dated men who became radicalized also shared near-identical stories, except from their own point of view. This finding provides further evidence that manosphere belief systems are directly linked to the perpetration of violence against women.⁸⁷

Rather simply, many people described that their pathway from manosphere ideologies started when they noticed some flaws in the logics of these belief-systems. This finding notably differs from research suggesting that counter-narratives are typically unhelpful or counterproductive in deradicalization efforts.⁸⁸ However, because these counter-narratives were identified by the users themselves through introspection and reflection on their own interpersonal experiences – rather than through messages from outsiders that could be perceived as patronizing or aggressive⁸⁹ – this may explain this atypical finding. In many ways, the fact that mature introspection was a relatively prominent theme observed in this data likely reflects that many of the users described first engaging with the manosphere while in adolescence or early adulthood. The aspects of these ideologies that users initially challenged generally varied, although some commonalities were observed. For instance, one user described how while they had thought the red pill was accurate in describing women, they started questioning this view when they noticed that the ideology “was often incorrect about men”. Specifically, because they did not identify as “stereotypically masculine” and did not desire things the red pill suggested were “instinctively wanted by men, like polygamy”, they started questioning whether women actually universally desired the alpha-male ideal that red pill doctrine proposed they innately craved.⁹⁰ Similarly, another user stated that his personal attraction to strong women – which did not fit the red pill’s idolization of passive women⁹¹ – was a contributing factor in leaving the community. Yet critical reflection of manosphere beliefs on sexual attraction could also come from external sources too. Amusingly, one user on r/ExRedPill stated that his deradicalization journey was prompted by reading “soppy romance novels” targeted for women, while in concurrence, another replied that romantic poems and historical period dramas helped him question his red pill beliefs. Because this media focused on romance beyond sexual gratification alone, and the fact that it was either popular with women or targeted towards them, such materials again therefore challenged manosphere claims that women are exclusively driven by an innate desire for the physical attributes of so-called alpha-males.⁹²

For some, friendly and warm relationships with women were an eye-opening antidote to the misogynistic views of women that prevail within the manosphere. Users remarked that having female friends had helped them to learn to see the shared humanity and similarities between men and women, with this experience contradicting the manosphere’s depiction of women being predominantly malevolent and manipulative actors.⁹³ Inherently, platonic friendship with women could foster respect across the binary divide placed between men and women in manosphere beliefs. For one user on r/ExRedPill, a connection with a black Muslim woman “who patiently listened to [the user] more than she really should have” contributed to him being dissuaded from both his (white-supremacist) alt-right and antifeminist beliefs. Similarly, another user from r/ExRedPill described the respect and empathy he received from other women at work led to his deradicalization, because the “intelligent, hardworking and accomplished women” he worked with “were so nice to [him] even though [he] was socially awkward”. However, the social isolation and/or avoidance of women encouraged and/or practiced by some within the manosphere,⁹⁴ may impair the opportunity for such experiences with women to arise.

Elsewhere, some users noticed hypocrisy and/or logical flaws within specific beliefs or in the actions of prominent manosphere figures. For instance, some users realized that manosphere figures were highly selective in the scientific studies that supported manosphere beliefs, while others thought it was a double-standard that women were chastised for participating in non-matrimonial sex, whereas it was encouraged for men.⁹⁵ Two users also criticized specific manosphere figures they watched, with one arguing that they had unattractive wives “if following red pill rating systems”. As this user explained, “If their ideas and strategies actually worked, these red pill guys would be bedding models every day of the week”. More cheerfully and humbly, one user in r/ExRedPill stated that he realized manosphere logics were incorrect because he “didn’t follow any of the laws of the red pill” since he was “unfit and definitely not wealthy”, yet had a happy relationship with his wife by simply being himself.

Critical reflection on manosphere beliefs could also be highly introspective. While narratives detailed earlier reflecting that many individual’s attraction to manosphere beliefs was driven by a sense of masculine insecurity, some of these same users described that the futility and inauthenticity at attempting to perform the facade of an imagined alpha-like masculinity was ultimately unsustainable, leading them to reassess their relationship with the red pill. Relatedly, some users described how this superficial and feigned performance of ‘alpha’ masculinity would probably not attract the women that they themselves desired. As one user expressed:

I prefer to have someone by my side who’s attracted to me for who I am, rather than for who I’m not. After leaving behind the redpill, I feel liberated to be my authentic self without any reservations. If I’m fortunate enough to find someone who accepts me as I am, then that’s wonderful. But if not, that’s perfectly fine too.

As this narrative and others like it highlighted, sometimes journeys away from the manosphere were just as much grounded in self-acceptance than anything else. As Connell’s foundational masculinities research highlights, adolescence is a pivotal and influential time in the development of an individual’s gendered identity.⁹⁶ Crucially here, the formation and performance of a masculine identity is also socially shaped by the attitudes and modeled behavior of peers and exemplars of hegemonic masculinity, but neither an individual’s performance of masculinity nor hegemonic masculinity itself remain static.⁹⁷ Through the combination of maturation and lived experiences, an individual’s performance of masculinity is likely to evolve,⁹⁸ so it is therefore not surprising that many individuals who became influenced by manosphere ideas eventually grow away from them. Regrettably, theoretical accommodation of the complexity of men’s lives and their performance of gender is arguably lost in many applications of hegemonic and hybrid masculinity – although not within Connell’s own writing – with any softening of masculinity in some literature being pessimistically viewed as “hegemony at work”.⁹⁹ But as findings from this research have demonstrated, men and boys have both the capacity and agency to move away from misogynistic ideologies and harmful performances of masculinity. Of course, earlier passages have illustrated that this is often neither a simple or linear process. Nevertheless, considering the harm that manosphere beliefs frequently inflict on others and those indoctrinated by them, it is imperative to encourage and support men and boys within manosphere communities to make this change.

Notwithstanding this argument, it is also important to avoid placing all onus on individuals to withstand larger cultural and technological changes that shape modern masculinities. In Western cultures where misogynistic attitudes are endemic to begin with,¹⁰⁰ and with male internet users frequently and involuntarily shown manosphere content targeted to them through algorithmic recommendation systems,¹⁰¹ it is unsurprising that many teenage boys and young men are influenced by this content as they strive to develop their own (masculine) identity.

Limitations

Limitations in this research design mean that the overall effectiveness of these forums in their aim to support individuals deradicalize from the manosphere cannot be accurately quantified. A digital ethnography approach is unable to accurately measure the extent to which individuals successfully become deradicalized, especially since the narratives collected were inherently a partial and subjective glimpse into the experiences of the user. Another notable limitation of this focus on narratives is that there is typically no ability to verify the veracity of any statement, or whether a specific user is who they purport to be, especially when most users are participating anonymously. By virtue of the modest sample size, data collection process, and subjective selection of narratives for analysis, this research did not seek to be robustly representative of r/ExRedPill and r/IncelExit. The methodological parameters of this research also sometimes limited the ability to explore the un/successful trajectory of deradicalization pathways further, because sometimes users posted further reflections outside of the timeframe of the data collection period, or in other forums (such as r/Lonely, r/Virgin, r/BDD [body dysmorphic disorder] and r/Depression, amongst many more). Sometimes, users I sought to check follow-up posts of had been banned for violating Reddit’s content policies, perhaps suggesting that they had regressed in their deradicalization journey, yet there was no means to confirm this by seeing which actions had caused these expulsions. Similarly, some users deleted their profiles, which restricted the ability to see if they had made any progress in their deradicalization.

Conclusion and Recommendations

Ultimately, this article demonstrates that r/ExRedPill and r/IncelExit seem to aid some individuals in their rehabilitation from harmful and misogynistic manosphere beliefs, or in avoiding further engagement with such ideologies. At best, these forums could constructively support deradicalization efforts, a task identified as a key challenge in this area.¹⁰² However, this article has probably under-emphasized the difficulties and challenges that many users on these forums faced in moving past their beliefs. It is also worth emphasizing that many of the challenges users faced – such as profound difficulties with mental illnesses – were so serious, that it is unrealistic to expect that their participation in the subreddits would provide sufficient help.

Advantageously, both forums are grass roots in nature and feature advice and encouragement from individuals who have already deradicalized. The participation of formerly radicalized individuals is suggested elsewhere to be beneficial in deradicalization initiatives.¹⁰³ In contrast, other initiatives may struggle to counteract manosphere narratives that are highly dismissive toward so-called “blue pilled”, “normie” outsiders, alongside conspiratorial views of “gynocratic” governments and institutions.¹⁰⁴ Therefore, r/ExRedPill, r/IncelExit and other similar, independent online resources like r/BroPill or the HealthyGamerGG channel on YouTube, appear to be promising, yet further research is required to determine the efficacy of such initiatives. Beneficially, these initiatives all aim to provide support for men and boys who are struggling with loneliness and self-esteem, which user narratives frequently indicated were underlying personal factors in their radicalization to the manosphere.

By virtue of these forums being easily accessible on Reddit, a popular website traditionally associated with the manosphere,¹⁰⁵ r/ExRedPill and r/IncelExit could potentially reach a significant portion of the manosphere, despite their relatively small size at present. Given that discussions in r/ExRedPill and r/IncelExit were generally empathetic to the personal difficulties users seeking help reported facing, these forums therefore generally follow earlier examples of successful deradicalization initiatives utilizing alternative narrative approaches. However, the prevalence of counter-narratives from outsiders that derided manosphere ideas, especially within r/ExRedPill, might hinder deradicalization efforts by potentially alienating radicalized individuals who visit the forum. Moderation teams on these forums should therefore consider banning top-level posts written by outsiders that criticize the manosphere. While remaining critical of the hateful and misogynistic nature of manosphere ideologies, r/ExRedPill and r/IncelExit should continue to provide encouragement and empathy users who post there seeking help. By doing so, these forums can potentially provide vital support for both individuals at risk of radicalization to the manosphere and those who are attempting to leave.

Acknowledgements

I would like to thank Dr Brady Robards, Dr Emily van der Nagel and Dr Asher Flynn for their encouragement, support and feedback while undertaking this research. I am also very grateful for the thoughtful comments that the anonymous peer reviewers provided.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author(s).

Notes

1 Debbie Ging, "Alphas, betas, and incels: Theorizing the masculinities of the manosphere." Men and masculinities 22, no. 4 (2019): 638–57.

2 Ging, "Alphas, betas, and incels: Theorizing the masculinities of the manosphere."; Shawn P. Van Valkenburgh. "Digesting the red pill: Masculinity and neoliberalism in the manosphere." Men and Masculinities 24, no. 1 (2021): 84–103.

3 Hoffman, Ware, and Shapiro. "Assessing the threat of incel violence."

4 Van Valkenburgh. "Digesting the red pill: Masculinity and neoliberalism in the manosphere."

5 Stephane J. Baele, Lewys Brace, and Travis G. Coan, “From ‘Incel’ to ‘Saint’: Analyzing the Violent Worldview Behind the 2018 Toronto Attack,” Terrorism and Political Violence 33, no. 8 (2021): 1667–91; Joshua Thorburn, Anastasia Powell, and Peter Chambers. "A world alone: Masculinities, humiliation and aggrieved entitlement on an incel forum." The British Journal of Criminology 63, no. 1 (2023): 238–54.

6 Andrew Greene, “ASIO boss Mike Burgess says agency is ditching ‘Islamic’ and ‘right-wing’ tags, will now refer to ‘religious’ or ‘ideological’ violence,” ABC News, March 17, 2021. https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-03-17/asio-director-intelligence-language-change-islamic-extremism/13256828; Hart, and Huber.  "Five Things We Need to Learn About Incel Extremism: Issues, Challenges and Avenues for Fresh Research."; Hoffman, Ware, and Shapiro, "Assessing the threat of incel violence." 

7 Khandis R. Blake, Siobhan M. O’Dean, James Lian, and Thomas F. Denson. "Misogynistic tweets correlate with violence against women." Psychological science 32, no. 3 (2021): 315–25.

8 Gavin Hart, and Antoinette Raffaela Huber. "Five Things We Need to Learn About Incel Extremism: Issues, Challenges and Avenues for Fresh Research." Studies in Conflict & Terrorism (2023): 1–17.

9 Bruce Hoffman, Jacob Ware, and Ezra Shapiro. "Assessing the threat of incel violence." Studies in Conflict & Terrorism 43, no. 7 (2020): 565–87; 577.

10 https://subredditstats.com/r/incelexit (Accessed February 28, 2023).

11 Quote from ‘About Community’ description of reddit.com/r/IncelExit. (Accessed November 15, 2022).

12 Alyssa Jewel Davis, “Climbing the masculine hierarchy: Examining constructions of masculinity through incel identities” (Master’s thesis, Clemson University, 2022).

13 Joshua Thorburn, "The (de-) radical (-ising) potential of r/IncelExit and r/ExRedPill." European Journal of Cultural Studies.

14 https://subredditstats.com/r/exredpill

15 Thorburn, "The (de-) radical (-ising) potential of r/IncelExit and r/ExRedPill."

16 From https://www.reddit.com/r/exredpill (Accessed February 28, 2023).

17 see Claire Duncanson, "Hegemonic masculinity and the possibility of change in gender relations." Men and Masculinities 18, no. 2 (2015): 231–48.; Brittany Ralph, and Steven Roberts. "One small step for man: Change and continuity in perceptions and enactments of homosocial intimacy among young Australian men." Men and Masculinities 23, no. 1 (2020): 83–103.

18 Annette N. Markham, "Ethnography in the digital internet era." Denzin NK & Lincoln YS, Sage handbook of qualitative research (Thousands Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, 2016), 650–68.

19 Ibid.

20 Ibid.

21 Frederick Erickson, "A history of qualitative inquiry in social and educational research," in The Sage handbook of qualitative research.

22 Virginia Braun, and Victoria Clarke. "Using thematic analysis in psychology." Qualitative research in psychology 3, no. 2 (2006): 77–101; Gareth Terry, and Nikki Hayfield. "Reflexive thematic analysis," in Handbook of qualitative research in education, (Edward Elgar Publishing, 2020), 430–41.

23 Braun, and Clarke. "Using thematic analysis in psychology." Qualitative research in psychology.

24 Ibid.

25 Ibid.; Terry, and Hayfield. "Reflexive thematic analysis."

26 Casey Fiesler, and Nicholas Proferes. "“Participant” perceptions of Twitter research ethics." Social Media + Society 4, no. 1 (2018).

27 Aline Shakti Franzke, Anja Bechmann, Michael Zimmer, and Charles Ess. "the Association of Internet Researchers (2020)." Internet research: Ethical guidelines 3, no. 0.

28 Hoffman, Ware, and Shapiro. "Assessing the threat of incel violence." 580.

29 Raewyn Connell, Masculinities, 2^nd ed. (Cambridge, UK: Polity), 76

30 Raewyn Connell, and James W. Messerschmidt. "Hegemonic masculinity: Rethinking the concept." Gender & society 19, no. 6 (2005): 829–59.

31 Connell, Masculinities; Connell, and Messerschmidt. "Hegemonic masculinity: Rethinking the concept."

32 Connell, Masculinities, 40

33 Mimi Schippers, "Recovering the feminine other: Masculinity, femininity, and gender hegemony." Theory and society 36 (2007): 85–102.

34 Kimberlé Crenshaw, "Demarginalizing the intersection of race and sex: A black feminist critique of antidiscrimination doctrine, feminist theory and antiracist politics." u. Chi. Legal f. (1989): 139; Rhea Ashley Hoskin, "“Femininity? It’s the aesthetic of subordination”: Examining femmephobia, the gender binary, and experiences of oppression among sexual and gender minorities." Archives of Sexual Behavior 49, no. 7 (2020): 2319–39; Schippers, "Recovering the feminine other: Masculinity, femininity, and gender hegemony."

35 Hoskin, "“Femininity? It’s the aesthetic of subordination”: Examining femmephobia, the gender binary, and experiences of oppression among sexual and gender minorities." 

36 Demetrakis Z. Demetriou, "Connell’s concept of hegemonic masculinity: A critique." Theory and society 30, no. 3 (2001): 337–61.

37 Demetriou, "Connell’s concept of hegemonic masculinity: A critique." 334; see also, Tristan Bridges, and Cheri J. Pascoe. "Hybrid masculinities: New directions in the sociology of men and masculinities." Sociology compass 8, no. 3 (2014): 246–58.

38 Bridges, and Pascoe. "Hybrid masculinities: New directions in the sociology of men and masculinities."; Demetriou, "Connell’s concept of hegemonic masculinity: A critique."

39 Ging, "Alphas, betas, and incels: Theorizing the masculinities of the manosphere."; Thorburn, Powell, and Chambers. "A world alone: Masculinities, humiliation and aggrieved entitlement on an incel forum." 

40 Duncanson, "Hegemonic masculinity and the possibility of change in gender relations."; Ralph, and Roberts. "One small step for man: Change and continuity in perceptions and enactments of homosocial intimacy among young Australian men." 

41 Ralph, and Roberts. "One small step for man: Change and continuity in perceptions and enactments of homosocial intimacy among young Australian men." 

42 Eric Anderson, "Inclusive masculinity in a fraternal setting." Men and masculinities 10, no. 5 (2008): 604–20.

43 Rachel O’Neill, "Whither critical masculinity studies? Notes on inclusive masculinity theory, postfeminism, and sexual politics." Men and masculinities 18, no. 1 (2015): 100–20.

44 Thorburn, "The (de-) radical (-ising) potential of r/IncelExit and r/ExRedPill."

45 Rachel Kalish, and Michael Kimmel. "Suicide by mass murder: Masculinity, aggrieved entitlement, and rampage school shootings." Health Sociology Review 19, no. 4 (2010): 451–64.; Michael Kimmel, Angry white men: American masculinity at the end of an era (Nation Books, New York, 2013).

46 Kalish, and Kimmel. "Suicide by mass murder: Masculinity, aggrieved entitlement, and rampage school shootings." 454.

47 Ibid.

48 Simon Cottee, "Incel (E) motives: Resentment, shame and revenge." Studies in Conflict & Terrorism 44, no. 2 (2020): 93–114; Hoffman, Ware, and Shapiro, "Assessing the threat of incel violence"

49 Thorburn, Powell, and Chambers. "A world alone: Masculinities, humiliation and aggrieved entitlement on an incel forum." 

50 Kimmel, Angry white men: American masculinity at the end of an era.

51 Thorburn, Powell, and Chambers. "A world alone: Masculinities, humiliation and aggrieved entitlement on an incel forum." 

52 Ralph, and Roberts. "One small step for man: Change and continuity in perceptions and enactments of homosocial intimacy among young Australian men."

53 Caitlyn M. Jarvis, and Sean M. Eddington. "Disentangling antifeminist paradoxes: Alternative organizing in antifeminist online spaces." Management Communication Quarterly 35, no. 1 (2021): 96–126.

54 https://subredditstats.com/r/redpillwomen (Accessed February 15, 2023).

55 Joshua Roose, Vivian Gerrand, and Shahram Akbarzadeh, “Rapid Evidence Assessment: Alternative Narratives” (Report to AVERT Research Network, Melbourne, 2021).

56 Ryan Scrivens, Vivek Venkatesh, Maxime Bérubé, and Tiana Gaudette. "Combating violent extremism: Voices of former right-wing extremists." Studies in Conflict & Terrorism 45, no. 8 (2022): 661–81.

57 See Christine Agius, Kay Cook, Lucy Nicholas, Ashir Ahmed, Hamza bin Jehangir, Noorie Safa, Taylor Hardwick, and Sally Clark. "Mapping right-wing extremism in Victoria. Applying a gender lens to develop prevention and deradicalisation approaches," (2020, Victorian Government, Department of Justice and Community Safety: Countering Violent Extremism Unit and Swinburne University of Technology), https://new.parliament.vic.gov.au/49f2d6/contentassets/82461965c3b84017a1c42439fdcf2ee0/attachment-documents/013._attach1_agius_barnet_nicholas_woolley_cook.pdf; Vivian Gerrand, “Communicative channels for pro-social resilience in an age of polarization.” First Monday, (2022).

58 Adrienne Massanari, "# Gamergate and The Fappening: How Reddit’s algorithm, governance, and culture support toxic technocultures." New media & society 19, no. 3 (2017): 329–46.

59 see Van Valkenburgh. "Digesting the red pill: Masculinity and neoliberalism in the manosphere."

60 Baele, Brace, and Coan, “From ‘Incel’ to ‘Saint’: Analyzing the Violent Worldview Behind the 2018 Toronto Attack,”; Van Valkenburgh. "Digesting the red pill: Masculinity and neoliberalism in the manosphere."

61 Matteo Vergani, Muhammad Iqbal, Ekin Ilbahar, and Greg Barton. "The three Ps of radicalization: Push, pull and personal. A systematic scoping review of the scientific evidence about radicalization into violent extremism." Studies in Conflict & Terrorism 43, no. 10 (2020): 854–54.

62 Baele, Brace, and Coan, “From ‘Incel’ to ‘Saint’: Analyzing the Violent Worldview Behind the 2018 Toronto Attack,”; Van Valkenburgh. "Digesting the red pill: Masculinity and neoliberalism in the manosphere."

63 Connell, Masculinities.

64 Hoskin, "“Femininity? It’s the aesthetic of subordination”: Examining femmephobia, the gender binary, and experiences of oppression among sexual and gender minorities."

65 Ibid.

66 see Jarvis, and Eddington. "Disentangling antifeminist paradoxes: Alternative organizing in antifeminist online spaces."; Schippers, "Recovering the feminine other: Masculinity, femininity, and gender hegemony." 

67 Davis, “Climbing the masculine hierarchy: Examining constructions of masculinity through incel identities.”

68 https://www.youtube.com/c/HealthyGamerGG

69 https://www.healthygamer.gg/dr-alok-kanojia (Accessed February 24, 2023).

70 https://www.reddit.com/r/Healthygamergg/

71 Kostantinos Papadamou, Savvas Zannettou, Jeremy Blackburn, Emiliano De Cristofaro, Gianluca Stringhini, and Michael Sirivianos. "" How over is it?" Understanding the Incel Community on YouTube." Proceedings of the ACM on Human-Computer Interaction 5, no. CSCW2 (2021): 1–25.

72 Vergani, Iqbal, Ilbahar, and Barton. "The three Ps of radicalization: Push, pull and personal. A systematic scoping review of the scientific evidence about radicalization into violent extremism." 

73 For definitions of these terms, see: Ibid.

74 ‘Simp’ is “used as a pejorative for an effeminate male” that is perceived to be “worshipping a particular woman or women in general”. https://incels.wiki/w/Incel_Glossary#simp.

75 Roose, Gerrand, and Akbarzadeh, “Rapid Evidence Assessment: Alternative Narratives”, 4.

76 Davis, “Climbing the masculine hierarchy: Examining constructions of masculinity through incel identities.”

77 For a definition and discussion of push factors in the radicalization literature, see Vergani, Iqbal, Ilbahar, and Barton. "The three Ps of radicalization: Push, pull and personal. A systematic scoping review of the scientific evidence about radicalization into violent extremism." 

78 Ruth Graham, “Atlanta Suspect’s Fixation on Sex Is Familiar Thorn for Evangelicals,” The New York Times, March 20, 2021, updated June 23, 2023, https://www.nytimes.com/2021/03/20/us/evangelical-sex-addiction-atlanta-suspect.html

79 Ibid.

80 Davis, “Climbing the masculine hierarchy: Examining constructions of masculinity through incel identities.” 27.

81 Ibid.

82 Ibid.

83 see Ging, "Alphas, betas, and incels: Theorizing the masculinities of the manosphere."; Thorburn, Powell, and Chambers. "A world alone: Masculinities, humiliation and aggrieved entitlement on an incel forum."

84 see Davis, “Climbing the masculine hierarchy: Examining constructions of masculinity through incel identities.”

85 see Hart, and Huber. "Five Things We Need to Learn About Incel Extremism: Issues, Challenges and Avenues for Fresh Research." 

86 see Duncanson, "Hegemonic masculinity and the possibility of change in gender relations."; Ralph, and Roberts. "One small step for man: Change and continuity in perceptions and enactments of homosocial intimacy among young Australian men." 

87 see also: Blake, O’Dean, Lian, and Denson. "Misogynistic tweets correlate with violence against women."

88 Vivian Gerrand, “Communicative channels for pro-social resilience in an age of polarization.”; Roose, Gerrand, and Akbarzadeh, “Rapid Evidence Assessment: Alternative Narratives” (Report to AVERT Research Network, Melbourne, 2021).

89 See Scrivens, Venkatesh, Bérubé, and Gaudette. "Combating violent extremism: Voices of former right-wing extremists." 

90 see Van Valkenburgh. "Digesting the red pill: Masculinity and neoliberalism in the manosphere."

91 see Jarvis, and Eddington. "Disentangling antifeminist paradoxes: Alternative organizing in antifeminist online spaces."; Van Valkenburgh. "Digesting the red pill: Masculinity and neoliberalism in the manosphere."

92 see Ging, "Alphas, betas, and incels: Theorizing the masculinities of the manosphere."; Van Valkenburgh. "Digesting the red pill: Masculinity and neoliberalism in the manosphere."

93 see Ging, "Alphas, betas, and incels: Theorizing the masculinities of the manosphere."; Thorburn, Powell, and Chambers. "A world alone: Masculinities, humiliation and aggrieved entitlement on an incel forum."

94 Callum Jones, Verity Trott, and Scott Wright. "Sluts and soyboys: MGTOW and the production of misogynistic online harassment." New media & society 22, no. 10 (2020): 1903–21.

95 Van Valkenburgh. "Digesting the red pill: Masculinity and neoliberalism in the manosphere."

96 Raewyn Connell, The Men and the Boys (Berkeley and Los Angeles, CA: University of California Press, 2000).

97 Connell, The Men and the Boys; DeKeseredy, and Schwartz. "Thinking sociologically about image-based sexual abuse: The contribution of male peer support theory."

98 Connell, The Men and the Boys.

99 Duncanson, "Hegemonic masculinity and the possibility of change in gender relations," 10; Ralph, and Roberts. "One small step for man: Change and continuity in perceptions and enactments of homosocial intimacy among young Australian men."

100 Although limited to the Australian context, see: Christine Coumarelos, Nicole Weeks, Shireen Bernstein, Natalie Roberts, Nikki Honey, Kate Minter, and Erin Carlisle. “Attitudes Matter: The 2021 National Community Attitudes towards Violence against Women Survey (NCAS), Findings for Australia.” (Australia’s National Research Organisation for Women’s Safety, 2023).

101 Papadamou, Zannettou, Blackburn, De Cristofaro, Stringhini, and Sirivianos. "" How over is it?" Understanding the Incel Community on YouTube." 

102 Hart, and Huber. "Five Things We Need to Learn About Incel Extremism: Issues, Challenges and Avenues for Fresh Research." 

103 Scrivens, Venkatesh, Bérubé, and Gaudette. "Combating violent extremism: Voices of former right-wing extremists." 

104 See Baele, Brace, and Coan, “From ‘Incel’ to ‘Saint’: Analyzing the Violent Worldview Behind the 2018 Toronto Attack,”; Van Valkenburgh. "Digesting the red pill: Masculinity and neoliberalism in the manosphere." 

105 Ging, "Alphas, betas, and incels: Theorizing the masculinities of the manosphere."