The Aging Of Grief: Parents' Grieving Of Israeli Soldiers

Abstract

This chapter examines long-term parental grief of soldiers within the context of the Israeli society. Parental grief is discussed along the life span, commencing at the immediate phase following the loss through the bereavement process in middle to late adulthood and its manifestations in aging. Interviews with a group of elderly bereaved parents whose sons were killed during military service give further support to previous findings regarding the notion that the passage of time has no diminishing effect on their grief nor does it relinquish their attachment to the deceased. With aging, there appears to be an increase in internalized involvement with the long-lost child, fears of fading memories, and the need to eternalize the deceased. In reviewing the past, parents reevaluate their coping with the loss and their relationship with the surviving children. The parents' preoccupation is twofold: On one hand, the strong attachment seems to continue in inner representations of the lost child, and, on the other, this preoccupation is enhanced externally owing to Israeli society's attitude toward dead soldiers. An intersection is therefore established between society and bereaved families. Grief is apparently a central theme in aging parents who are preoccupied with the “aging” of their grief rather than their own aging.