My femme friendship

ABSTRACT

This autoethnographic study of femme friendship explores the connection and relationship between two femme lesbians—my femme friend Amber and myself. The shared experience of invisibility and the related perils and privileges that come with passing as straight enact a bond unlike any either of us have previously experienced. Meeting within the context of a polyamorous relationship adds a layer of complexity to our friendship that deepens the relationship. The story of our friendship showcases a specific sort of friendship, one grounded in theories of gender performance, sexuality, invisibility, and language.

KEYWORDS:

• Femme
• fem(me)ininity
• lesbian
• invisibility
• friendship
• autoethnography
• polyamory

Note

Notes

1. I recognize that many LGBTQ people's identities go unseen and that invisibility is not specific to femme identity. Many LGBTQ people perform gender in ways that do not call attention to their sexuality or gender performance; many LGBTQ do this, on purpose, for a variety of reasons (safety, family, profession) and some do it simply because it is who they are. Gender performances are as diverse as the reasons why they are performed; this article focuses only on femme identity and femme invisibility.

Additional information

Notes on contributors

Rachel E. Silverman

Rachel E. Silverman is an Assistant Professor of Communication at Embry Riddle University. Her research highlights the intersection of gender performances as they relate to religion and sexuality in popular culture. She also specializes in women's health narratives and the role of communication in medical education. All of her work is grounded in activist rhetoric and the praxis of creating social change.