‘Men come in, men go out’: single Muslim women in Malaysia and Aceh

Abstract

Malay and Acehnese single women live their lives within an Islamic religious and political frame in different ways. Aceh and Malay societies share a similar tradition. Cognatic kinship and a varying focus on matrilocality and matriliny concern them both, as well as an old Islamic tradition. As other researchers have shown, for both the Malays and the Acehnese, ‘sexual desire’ or ‘passion’ and its control are a central theme in discourses on human beings and gender. Through the marginal stories of some Malay and Acehnese single women, this article examines two types of Muslim marriage, kahwin misyar and nikah siri, in relation to the basic notions of passion and control. It points to some women's forms of resistant behaviour and personal agency within the internationalization and standardization of Islam.

Keywords:

• Malaysia
• Indonesia
• Aceh
• gender
• sexuality
• marriage
• misyar
• nikah siri

Acknowledgements

I would like to thank Claudia Mattalucci for her careful reading of my draft and Karen Salomon for her valuable language editing.

Notes

1. All through the article, the participants’ names have been changed. All public characters‘ names were kept unchanged.

2. Carsten (1997, p. 85) talks at length about cohesion in the group of siblings in her Langkawi fieldwork.

3. For a description of some women's attempts to express sexuality and find some kind of erotic approach, see Vignato (2008).

4. See Laws of Malaysia, 2006.

5. I have dealt with bujang, unmarried men, in Vignato (2008).

6. More and more websites are dedicated to matchmaking. www.myjodoh.net is used by a few girls and boys I know; other popular websites include www.bertenet.com and www.carijodohmelayu.com.

7. See Zainah Anwar's brilliant argument in Anwar, 2006

8. See the website of Sisters in Islam for the Malaysian debate on the matter, http://www.sistersinislam.org.my/memo/08122005.htm. Retrieved on 10th January 2012. See also Shuib (2005) and Ong (1995).

9. The best review of the many articles I collected in Utusan Malaysia and Berita Harian can be found in Yayasan Da'wah Islamiah Malaysia. Retrieved March 7, 2010, from http://www.yadim.com.my/english/Wanita/Wanita.

10. The Malaysian government has a fairly strict censorship over the press. Blogs such as Malaysiakini are widely considered as a reliable, well documented alternative source of opinion and information.

11. Juferi (2006); Zainah Anwar, Executive Director of Sisters in Islam (2007).

12. So Datuk Dr Mashitah Ibrahim, speaker of the Office of the Prime Minister, related to Malay newspaper Berita Harian (Noor, 2006). I could not find further information about that.

13. Adat, ‘customary law’, is a specific colonial construction and fixation of the Indonesian Archipelago customary laws which has played an important role in Indonesian politics since 1965.

14. Inong balee is the Acehnese word that until recently described separated women; nowadays, it is only used to designate the rebellion ex-combatants, and the Acehnese themselves choose to use the Indonesian/Malay janda, which showshow ‘modern’ this idea actually is (Clavé-Celik n.d).

15. ‘To go up’ (naik) is the word used for a man who enters his wife's house, which traditionally stands on wooden pillars.

16. In many parts of Aceh, and certainly in Bireuen area where Mak Fitri comes from, wali is also the name for the whole category of ‘the father side’ relatives. They are entitled to inheritance according to Muslim inheritance laws.

17. See for instance Hentikan Saja Nikah Siri 2009; Sabarini 2009. The latter includes it in the same category as human trafficking and child marriage, as it is seen as justifying both.