‘I hurt myself because it sometimes helps’: former athletes’ embodied emotion responses to abuse using self-injury

ABSTRACT

In this paper, narrative analysis using a story analyst approach is used to explore how three former athletes (i.e. amateur and elite swimmers) self-managed their abuse experiences post-sport with a focus on the use, and meaning, of ‘indirect self-injury’ forms. Using the concept of ‘emotion work’, the swimmers’ stories show how they reconfigured the emotions associated with the legacy of abuse by using indirect self-injury (e.g. eating disorder; abuse of prescription medications; excessive alcohol use; promiscuity) as embodied resources, after they were left to fend for themselves post-sport. As acquired resources within their self-stories, indirect forms of self-injury assisted them to reconfigure the trauma of abuse into something that was more manageable (i.e. ‘emotion work’). While ‘emotion work’ was storied as successful for the three swimmers in the short term, the potential long-term health consequences of self-injury (i.e. kidney disease; liver damage; unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, death) were imminent. These findings highlight the need for sporting stakeholders to extend their duty of care to athletes, particularly abused athletes, post-sport.

KEYWORDS:

• Self-harm
• self-management strategies
• emotion work
• narrative analysis
• athletes
• sport
• embodiment
• abuse

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the authors.