The ‘not knowing’ state of mind: intolerance of uncertainty in mother–infant bonding and ‘the position’ of the observer

Abstract

The author defines the primitive anxieties experienced by a mother during the infant’s earliest stage of life as the ‘not knowing’ state of mind. She discusses the place of this state of mind in relation to mother–infant bonding and considers there to be parallels in the internal work the student-observer must do in order to find her internal ‘position’ and role, as observer. The observer, like the mother, is new to this relationship and must get to know the baby, mother and other family members. The observer has to tolerate not knowing until she goes through the painful experience of feeling what is communicated unconscious in parallel with what she observes in order to find the ‘position’ from which she can take in what she sees. The highly emotional new experience of observing a new baby brings with it, for the observer, if only for an hour a week, and in writing notes and discussing in the observation seminar, an encounter with the primitive anxieties which abound in the earliest days and weeks after the arrival of a new baby and, later, when there are premature or abrupt changes in circumstance.

Keywords:

• attunement
• Bion
• projection
• observation
• anxiety
• parallel process
• maternal preoccupation

Notes on contributor

Martina Paglia is a Counselling Psychologist in the NHS and private practice in the UK. Her training is in Clinical, Community and Developmental Psychology. Her studies include models of psychopathology, clinical psychometrics and neuropsychology and in a range of psychotherapies. She has studied for nine years and her qualifications include a B.Sc. in Developmental Psychology and an M.Sc. in Clinical and Community Psychology. Alongside her training in Psychology, in 2012 she started a three year MA in Psychoanalytic Studies at the Tavistock and Portman, accredited by the University of East London. In 2013, she attended the Foundation Course at the Institute of Psychoanalysis. In 2015, she completed a preclinical psychodynamic training at the Tavistock and Portman in work with children, adolescent and families. Her therapeutic experience covers working with children, adolescents, adults and families across the full range of care settings.

Notes

1 Mother’s work involved 24 hours on duty and her shifts were known only one week in advance, When she interviewed nannies she discussed her working schedule but also said that her husband was like a third son, not someone who could be left in sole charge of the two boys.