Abstract
The following series of journal entries reflects a female pianist’s journey through her university teacher education degree. She is guided by her artistic and performing learning experiences as a professional musician when conflicted by her shift from performer to teacher identity. During writing, she suffers dilemmas around family, teaching, creativity, motherhood, performance, and musicianship. The trauma of being raped guides the direction of her life. In the end, she finds that journal writing becomes an active learning tool that heightens her awareness about her career decision to pursue teacher education.