A qualitative study of how survivors of sexual, psychological and physical abuse manage sexuality and desire

Abstract

The purpose of this paper is to elucidate how survivors of abuse manage their sexual life when experiencing desire problems in couple relationships. Twenty-two persons were selected for 2–3-hour in-depth interviewing. This study focuses on the narratives of the 10 female informants who had a history of exposure to physical, psychological and/or sexual abuse. The self-characterisations of the interviewees indicate shame, self-contempt and lack of self-appreciation. It is hypothesised that as self-appreciation is of such vital importance to the ability for intimacy, the logical course of action is to avoid situations that may threaten one's self-appreciation. Thus, to reject one's partner sexually before being rejected oneself may be seen as a coping strategy. Another coping strategy may be to deny oneself from feeling any sexual desire for one's partner. In interaction with a caring partner, sex is no longer an obligation. It is optional and refers to the traumatized woman's own sexual needs. When she has the opportunity to say “no” to sex, desire or lack of desire becomes an option. The choice may provoke shame, in the sense that she feels unworthy and dirty. The problem of shame is solved by cutting off sexual desire.

Keywords:

• sexual desire
• sexual abuse
• intimacy
• self-appreciation
• body
• shame

Notes

1. The advertisement text was as follows: “Do you want to participate in a research project about reduced sexual desire? Are you a man or a woman who experiences having reduced sexual desire or sexual interest? Would you like to be interviewed by a researcher about your experiences? In this research project we are studying what experiencing reduced sexual desire or interest means to those who experience it. What do people believe reduced sexual desire is associated with, and what are the consequences of it? For answer these questions everybody's experiences are equally important. Participation in the project is confidential, and all interviews will be anonymous. No one other than the researchers will know what you have told us. The interview is expected to last between one and two hours. The researchers will publish the results from the study in scientific journals. You will also be able to read about results from the study, for instance in newspapers. The University of Troms⊘, Department of Psychology, is responsible for the carrying out the study. If you want to be interviewed about your experiences, please phone the project leader (name, phone number and email address).