Self-care and relationship conflict

Abstract

This paper considers the foundational role of self-care in illuminating and ameliorating relationship conflicts. Through a detailed consideration of the various ways in which self-care may help individuals to understand and work with conflict in their relationships, it presents a case for therapist encouragement of self-care practices alongside (and after) the therapeutic process. It also encourages reflective self-care as a practice for therapists themselves, including reflexive engagement with their own conflicts. The paper draws on traditional conflict management, relationship therapy and psychological understandings, as well as theories of conflict and self-care from existential philosophy, Buddhist mindfulness and social constructionism.

Keywords:

• couple therapy
• individual therapy
• self-care
• relationship conflict
• existential therapy

Notes

1. For example: warrior, terrorist, exhibitionist, leader, activist, parent, follower, child, martyr, victim, trickster, healer, analyst, negotiator, bridge-builder, diplomat, philosopher, mystic, ostrich.

2. I have focused on people in relationships with one other person in this paper, but I have also written about how these ideas might apply to multiple or polyamorous relationships (Barker, 2009).