Does absence of evidence mean evidence of absence? Managing the issue of partner surveillance in infidelity treatment

ABSTRACT

One issue that has risen to prominence in couple work is the development of a relationship via technology and new media with people outside of the primary couple relationship. As this issue becomes more prevalent, couples struggle with the development of rebuilding trust. Despite the previous instances of infidelity, the development of trust is also compromised by the ability to trust what is presently occurring in the relationship. The partner who has been betrayed often continues to check the involved partner's devices for evidence of a continuation of the affair. Such checking and surveillance often result in obsessive checking of such devices and the assertion that the involved partner can no longer be trusted, reasoning that the involved partner must be deleting evidence. This positioning about surveillance can compromise the ability to move forward with couple therapy. The purpose of this paper is to outline how to work with couples with this level of surveillance after an affair.

KEYWORDS:

• Infidelity
• mobile phones
• surveillance
• suspicion
• technology

Disclosure statement

The authors declare no potential conflicts of interest with respect to the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.

Notes

1. It is important to note that there is a movement by some scholars and clinicians in the fields of family and sex therapy to frame infidelity as “non-consensual non-monogamy” (for more detail, see Twist, 2017).

Additional information

Notes on contributors

Katherine M. Hertlein

Katherine Hertlein is the Program Director for the Couple and Family Therapy Program at the University of Nevada Las Vegas.

Christy Dulley

Christy Dulley is a Masters student in the Couple and Family Therapy Program at the University of Nevada Las Vegas.

Raven Cloud

Raven Cloud is a Masters student in the Couple and Family Therapy Program at the University of Nevada Las Vegas.

Daniela Leon

Daniela Leon is a Masters student in the Couple and Family Therapy Program at the University of Nevada Las Vegas.

Jenna Chang

Jenna Chang is a Masters student in the Couple and Family Therapy Program at the University of Nevada Las Vegas.