Cyber-matchmaking among Indians: Re-arranging marriage and doing ‘kin work’

Abstract

This paper provides a sociological analysis of the increasing popularity of internet-based matchmaking services among the urban Indians and Non-resident Indians. The institution of arranged marriage is subject to numerous pressures, such as declining social networks, high geographical mobility and growing complexity in the choice of a marital partner, and is finding a new lease of life via such services that are increasingly replacing and penetrating other commercial matchmaking media. It is argued that while the extended family and kin are now less inclined to directly participate in the process of matchmaking, the use of internet-mediated services itself becomes a means of undertaking such ‘kin work’. The dominant Indian variant of online matchmaking is shown to be combining elements of varied global trends in online matchmaking insofar as it facilitates conventional marriage preferences under conditions that are less than favorable to perpetuation of such preferences. This analysis shows how the new technology is aiding in the sustenance of caste- and community-based identities and networks albeit in new forms.

Acknowledgements

This is a revised version of a paper presented at the conference ‘Marriage in Asia: Trends, Determinants and Implications’, 15–16 November 2012, organized by the Department of Sociology and Asia Research Institute, National University of Singapore, Singapore. I am grateful to Akansha Baldawa for her assistance with some parts of this research and thankful to all the respondents who participated in the study.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author.

Notes

^1. For data on popularity of these websites, see Jiban K. Pal.

^2.Bharatmatrimony.com claims to have ‘2 Crore’ (10 million) users, (http://www.bharatmatrimony.com/aboutus.php, 31 Jul. 2012). Similarly Shaadi.com claims to have helped ‘hundreds of thousands’ of people arrange marriages through the portal (http://www.shaadi.com, 16 Jul. 2012).

^3. See http://www.navodaya.nic.in/Match%20Making/Match%20Making.htm for the page maintained by Navodaya Vidyalaya Samiti and http://kvsangathan.nic.in/Matrimonial.aspx for that maintained by Kendriya Vidyalaya Sangathan. Accessed Aug. 2014.

^4. See Turkle, Castells (Rise of the Network Society) for classic discussions of the changes brought about by computers and information technologies across the globe.

^5. See Sharma; also see Castells (Power of Identity) for a discussion of identity issues in a ‘network society’.

^6. See for instance, Chakraborty; Kaur and Dhanda; Mathur; Seth and Patnayakuni; Titzmann (all three articles) for discussions of several of these questions in relation to the Indian matchmaking portals.

^7. These data were collected during the months of June–August 2012. All interview data cited in the article pertains to this period. All names of interviewees are pseudonyms.

^8. See Roy-Choudhury. Traditionally, the role of marriage mediator was played by members of the barber caste (nai) in north India, although a wider range of socially active people were also usually involved in marriage mediation. The mediator is referred to as a bichaulia (middle man) in Hindi-speaking areas, whereas the term ghatak is used in Bengali. However, as suggested above, the urban Indians and NRIs have long been dependent upon one or other commercial medium for finding matches and the dependence upon the local mediators is likely to be of prominence, primarily in the rural context.

^9. Majumdar argues that newspaper advertisements began appearing regularly in newspapers in Bengal as early as the beginning of the twentieth century (Majumdar 25). We have no clear idea of when these ads began appearing in other regions of India, but it is very evident that the practice was quite entrenched by the middle of the twentieth century in most parts of the country. For analyses of newspaper matrimonial columns, see Anand; Bayti; Das; Reyes-Hockings; Upreti; Weibe and Ramu.

^10. All these examples have been taken from HT Matrimonials, 08 Jul. 2012.

^11. For example Search Point Marriage Bureau (http://www.searchandmarry.com); Shubhmangal Matrimonial Services (www.shubhmangalindia.com); Pathakjee Matrimonial Consultant (www.pathakjeematrimonial.com); Attune Matrimonial Services (www.attune.in).

^12.Titzmann (‘Medialisation and Social Change’) also makes a case for such convergence of matchmaking media. See Turkle for an early discussion of cultural impact of computers.

^13. The TV commercials for bharatmatrimony.com are directed primarily at users originating from particular regions of India (Tamils, Bengalis, Malayalis, etc).

^14. See http://www.bharatmatrimony.com/tv-commercials/gujarati-matrimony-tv-commercial.php and http://www.bharatmatrimony.com/tv-commercials/punjabi-matrimony-tv-commercial.php, accessed 30 Sep. 2012. This paper has not focused on use of these online matchmaking services by people of other nationalities who are not of Indian origin, although it might be instructive and insightful to do so.

^15. Hindi newspapers, which have a better reach beyond the cosmopolitan areas, barely match the number of matrimonial advertisements published by English dailies.

^16. See the press release available at http://www.sahajcorporate.com/pdf/pr_matrimony.pdf, accessed 11 Jun.2012. Also see ‘Cover Story.’

^17. Other television-based matrimony programs – such as Star Vivah (telecast on Star Plus in 2009), which featured a few prospective brides and grooms along with their families and videos of their daily life – have also met with the same fate with their even more limited scope. Reality matrimony shows made their debut in India with Rakhi ka Swayamwar (telecast started in June 2009 on NDTV Imagine), followed by Rahul Dulhaniya le Jayega and Ratan ka Rishta. While such shows are significant in terms of the cultural ideals and commercial activity they generate, they hardly qualify as satisfying the actual needs of matchmaking as they cater to a very small number of people.

^18. Access to public computers in institutions and cyber-cafés, along with increasing use of the internet via smartphones, is not part of this census figure and is bound to increase access to internet services. Assessing the impact of these services is however beyond the scope of this paper.

^19. In her discussion of ‘virtual mate-seeking’ in a Kolkata, Kabita Chakraborty has argued that matrimonial portals are unlikely to be used by even those sections of the urban slum dwellers who are computer- and internet-literate, as these require access to financial services such as credit and debit cards, which typically are not available to slum dwellers.

^20. Some categories are far more elaborate than others. Kaur and Dhanda have argued that the category of Brahmins is most elaborated along lines of sub-caste on these websites. Also see Sharma (142).

^21. Swayamwar is a mythical form of spouse selection process, described in Indian epics such as Mahabharat and Ramayana, in which a royal bride publicly chooses her husband from among a number of eligible suitors. Simplymarry.com has adapted the idea to a modern commercial form. The format of such meetings is however more akin to meetings organized by caste associations. See Pache.

^22. However, a newspaper is inherently limited in its capacity to classify along a range of different criteria, unlike the matrimonial portals which allow the use of multiple filters.

^23. Personal communication with a high-level executive working with Sycorian, 12 Mar. 2013.

^24. Kaur and Dhanda suggest that the internet matchmaking media have facilitated a presentation of a more ‘sexualized self’ in the context of marriage, which was not possible with the other media (289). The long history of use of photographs in the context of matchmaking may point toward the need of a more complex appraisal of this issue. However, as also pointed out by (see all three articles), online matchmaking does expand the scope of feminine subjectivities available to women in the context of marriage.

^25. This theme continues to animate a host of popular discourses, a recent one being a prime-time television show titled Love Marriage ya Arranged Marriage which was aired on Sony television from August 2012 to January 2013.

^26. Particularly refer to Uberoi's analysis of iconic films Dilwale Dulhaniya le Jayenge and Hum Apke Hain Kaun.

^27. See Ranjani's elaborate account of an internet-mediated marriage that exemplifies this point.

^28. See the video on www.twomangoes.com. Viewed on 31 Aug. 2014.

^29. Also see Kaur and Dhanda for a similar analysis.

^30. ‘Cross-regional marriages’ that ‘cross caste, linguistic and state boundaries’ have been observed in India and can be seen as replicating the international trend at a very different level (Kaur; Blanchet; Chaudhry and Devi Mohan). However, the primarily rural and lower-class background of such alliances reflects an entirely different pattern of marriage negotiation (also seen as form of ‘trafficking’ at times) where the go-between is usually the woman who has herself been married in such a manner (see Chaudhry and Devi Mohan). I have not come across any evidence to suggest that this kind of marriage uses internet matchmaking services.