Dearly Beloved: Sexuality Education in Faith Communities

When I am asked what I do for a living, I tell people that I am a sexologist minister. Although people often laugh when I describe myself this way, those words can and do go together. Our sexuality and our spirituality are intimately connected, and at its foundation my work first in sexuality education and now in ministry shares a common vision: to help people love each other and to treat each other with dignity and respect.

Because after all, I think that is what most people want. We want to love and be loved. We want to be treated with respect. Many of us who are sexuality educators and people of faith believe that God created our magnificent sexualities and sexual pleasure. We also know that many people do not have the information or skills they need to enjoy their sexuality responsibly.

I am delighted that the American Journal of Sexuality Education is devoting this issue to religion and sexuality education. In its pages, you will read how denominations, congregations, and seminaries are now integrating sexuality issues into their ministries. Denominations such as the Union for Reform Judaism, the Unitarian Universalist Association, and the United Church of Christ have developed some of the most comprehensive sexuality education curricula that exist today. Seminaries across the United States are beginning to improve the sexuality education they offer future clergy, and some denominations are now requiring their candidates for ordination to demonstrate competencies in sexual health and education. Faith communities across the theological spectrum are beginning to respond to the sexual health needs of their congregants at all ages. More than 5,000 religious leaders from more than 50 faith traditions are part of the network of the Religious Institute, a network I co-founded to bring a progressive religious voice on sexual justice into the public square.

There is nothing new about religious institutions addressing sexuality issues. The Hebrew Bible and the Christian Testament are replete with passages with sexual themes. During my first month of seminary more than a decade ago, I was surprised to discover how prominently sex and sexuality are featured in the Bible. I have counted 34 sexually themed stories in Genesis alone: we know who had sex with who and sometimes how often; there are stories on incest, aphrodisiacs, falling in love, surrogacy, sex and aging, harassment, and rape. In the First Letter to Corinthians, Paul covers more than 15 key sexuality education topics, advising the people of Corinth on how to address sexual issues in their lives (Haffner, 1997).

I was also surprised to learn during my seminary studies how much the early church concerned itself with the sexual lives of the new Christians. The Council of Nicaea of 325 is most remembered for its debate about the divinity of Jesus, but they also set rulings about eunuchs and forbid “any of the clergy to keep a woman who has been brought in to live with him, with the exception of course, of his mother or sister or aunt or of any person who is above suspicion” (The Rudder, 1957). I was stunned as I read The Confessions by St. Augustine, written in the late 4th century, how much of today's Christian sexual theology was founded on the struggles of this man grappling with his own sexual past. Subsequent early church councils (before 700 CE) passed canons on marriage, adultery, appropriate behaviors during menstruation and after nocturnal emissions, erotic materials, cross dressing, and bestiality. It was not until 691 CE that the Quinisextine Council ruled that clergy could not be married at all (The Rudder, 1957).

Much of these writings were based on what can loosely be called the “sexual science” of the 1st century. The people who developed Christianity, and the ancient Greeks and Romans before them, knew from their own experiences and observations that men and women had sexual intercourse, that intercourse was pleasurable, that men ejaculated, that women carried pregnancies, that some men enjoyed sexual behaviors with other men, and that sexual desire seemed to decrease as people got older. They also knew that people needed guidance to make ethical decisions about their sexual lives. However, they understood that legislating people's sex lives was the key to controlling property rights and maintaining patriarchal control.

However, they did not have a sophisticated understanding of sexual science and had no idea about such issues as conception, fertilization, or sexual orientation as we understand them today. I was fascinated to find the book Galen on Medical Experience in the stacks of the Union Theological Seminary. Galen was a medical doctor who lived in the 2nd century and wrote extensively about sexual matters. Semen contained wholly formed human beings. Women contributed menstrual blood during pregnancy, which offered food for the tiny human beings to grow. Menstrual blood was dangerous and could cause illness or disability if touched. Ejaculation robbed men of their “heat” or vitality. This first centuries' science is still the foundation for some of today's religious pronouncements against contraception, masturbation, and abortion, to name a few.

Twenty-one centuries later, we are still surrounded by the intersection of sexuality, religion, and politics. During the past 30 years, almost every major denomination has been a sexual battleground, debating first whether women, and now gays and lesbians, can be ordained, whether they can serve higher office, whether same sex couples can be married, and whether having an abortion can be a moral decision (A Time to Every Purpose, 2009). At the same time, most congregations and clergy are ignoring the sexual needs of even their married congregants, and even more so the more than 104 million American adults who are single (Unmarried America, 2010). Many Protestant and Jewish traditions continue to hold up an ethic of “celibacy in singleness, chastity in marriage,” despite that at least the first applies to fewer than 10% of Americans today (Finer, 2007). A new report by the National Association of Evangelicals counsels single adults to express their sexuality in a “chaste way,” including permitting only casual touching at church (Theology of Sex, 2009).

The media and religious leaders on the right often talk about a “culture war” and imply that religion is monolithic and uniformly negative about sexuality issues. But that is just not true. Even the most conservative religious leaders believe that sexuality is part of God's good gift to us. Many evangelicals considered “centrists” or “modernists” support either civil unions or same sex marriage and abortion rights in at least some cases. The vast majority of Americans support sexuality education, family planning services, HIV/AIDS prevention and care, and the right to privacy in their intimate lives (A Time to Every Purpose, 2009).

However, that does not mean they are not confused about how to be both sexual and faithful. People struggle to understand the connections among sexuality, spirituality, and moral values in their own lives. One has only to think about the numerous conservative religious leaders and politicians who have resigned their positions over sex scandals in the past years to see how many people espouse one sexual ethic while actually living by another. As a pastoral care provider and minister, I know that religious messages about sex have harmed many people, instilling fear, shame, and guilt about their sexuality. I also know that many people have left organized faith communities because of the way the faith community approaches sexuality issues. It is a testament to the power of religious communities and personal faith that so many Roman Catholics have stayed in the church despite its history of sexual abuse of children or that so many gays and lesbians raised in Christian churches that taught that they were sinners have continued to seek involvement in religious communities. Only about one in ten people I meet say that the congregations of their childhood and youth taught them that their sexuality was a blessing, a gift from God. That has to change.

Faith-based communities have been slowly breaking the silence around sexuality education. For more than four decades, Jewish and Christian denominations in the United States have encouraged some type of formal sexuality education for their children and adolescents. In 1968, the National Council of Churches, the Synagogue Council of America, and the United States Catholic Conference together called upon churches and synagogues to become actively involved in sexuality education within their congregations and communities (Haffner & Ott, 2005). As of this writing, 19 denominations have published sexuality education curricula for use in faith communities, and more than 20 faith-based organizations are on record as supporting sexuality education programs in the public schools (Annotated Bibliography of Sexuality Education Curricula, n.d.; A Time to Speak Out, n.d.).

The Religious Declaration on Sexual Morality, Justice and Healing was published in January 2000 (Religious Declaration on Sexual Morality, Justice and Healing, 2000). It is a seminal call for faith communities to become more involved with sexuality issues, including a faith-based commitment to sexuality education in the congregation, in seminaries, and in public schools. As of this writing, more than 3,400 religious leaders from more than 50 denominations have endorsed the Religious Declaration. The Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Sexuality Education (reprinted with permission on page 127) was published in 2002 to provide a theological framework for sexuality education. It has been endorsed by more than 1,200 clergy in the United States. The Open Letter calls for a higher standard for sexuality education in schools. In too many communities, young people are only taught “disaster prevention,” a descriptor that I coined more than 20 years ago that still characterizes much of school-based sexuality education today (Haffner, 2000). School-based programs should honor truth telling and the diversity of religious and moral values in a community. Such education would:

• Emphasize responsibility, rights, ethics, and justice.

• Affirm the dignity and worth of all persons.

• Teach that sexuality includes physical, ethical, social, psychological, emotional, and spiritual dimensions.

• Complement the education provided by parents and faith communities.

• Publicly identify the values that underline the program.

• Teach that decisions about sexual behavior should be based on moral and ethical values as well as consideration of physical and emotional health.

• Affirm the goodness of sexuality while acknowledging its risks and dangers.

• Introduce with respect the differing sides of controversial issues (Haffner & Ott, 2005).

The readers of this journal are familiar with the battles in communities about the content of sexuality education, which often pits abstinence-only-until-marriage programs against programs that cover abstinence, contraception, and sexually transmitted disease (STD) prevention. These communities’ struggles have often been divisive pitting parent against parent. As a result, many young people are now receiving more comprehensive information about sexuality from their church and synagogue rather than from their public school. Faith communities may be especially empowered by virtue of their role in people's lives to help young people develop their values and ethics.

In the guidebook A Time to Speak: Faith Communities and Sexuality Education (Haffner & Ott, 2005), we outline five reasons that religious institutions should be involved in sexuality education:

1. Religious institutions reach a majority of Americans; there are no other institutions in a community that touch as many people throughout the lifespan.

2. Religious institutions reach a majority of youth; more than 60% of American youth spend at least one hour per week at a church or synagogue.

3. Sexuality is a source of alienation and hurt for too many Americans; religious institutions have a special role to play in helping people heal when sexuality causes pain and suffering.

4. Young people and adults say that religious institutions fail them on sexuality issues.

5. Religion involvement helps keep young people delay engaging in sexual intercourse.

The articles in this issue will provide more details on how faith-based institutions are integrating sexuality education into their programming. Research by Kate M. Ott and Amanda J. Winters sheds light on the need for religious leaders to be better trained in seminary to address the sexuality education needs of their congregants. David J. Landry et al. review the role of both faith- and community-based organizations in providing sexuality education. Melanie J. Davis discusses sexuality education as ministry. Melissa Lopez comments on emerging research on the Unitarian Universalist curriculum Our Whole Lives. Rabbi Laura Novak Winer discusses Sacred Choices, a sexual ethics curriculum used with Reform Jewish middle and high school students. Darryl W. Stephens explores current efforts in the Methodist Church to address sexual abuse, and Stephen DiGioia proposes a guide for Catholic churches to nurture survivors of sexual assault. Donald Dyson and Yolanda Turner provide a lesson plan to help students better understand each others’ core spiritual beliefs, and Melissa Keyes DiGioia outlines a lesson on sexuality and spirituality for older adults. Marty Klein concludes with thoughts about whether faith or religion are necessary for a moral sexual ethic.

Sexuality education is a moral issue and faith communities have a special role to play in teaching and supporting the people they serve to become sexually healthy adults. We seek to create a world where all may affirm the goodness of creation, our bodies, and our sexuality, and where all can celebrate their sexuality with joy, holiness, and integrity. May it be so.