Not Allowed to Love? Sri Lankan Maids in Lebanon

Abstract

This paper focuses on the numerous emotional aspects created by the presence of migrant live‐in maids inside the households of their employers, taking the case of Sri Lankan maids in Lebanon as the example. It shows how ‘emotional closeness’ is used simultaneously by both employers and maids as power and resistance strategies. For employers, the emotional connection is mostly used as a form of manipulation and control, to extract more work and loyalty for less pay. On the other hand, by developing emotional ties with members of the household (especially children), maids, too, are somehow able to defy the clear‐cut cultural and personal confines of the employer–employee relationship. This paper displays the means used by employers to control the lives (including feelings and sexuality) of their maids. Maids are not permitted to exist as women in their own right; they cannot have friends or lovers. In short, they are not allowed to love freely and are supposed to put their private lives on hold for the entire duration of their contract – while caring for their employers.

Key Words:

• Sri Lankan maids
• love
• power
• resistance
• sexuality
• Lebanon

Notes

1. My interviews with Sri Lankan maids were in Arabic or English, not in their native language. Given their imperfect and non‐grammatical rendering of English and Arabic, this poses issues for transcription and quotation. I have tried to transcribe (and translate where necessary) in such a way as to reflect their speech and make sure it is understandable to the reader.

2. A centre that provides, among other things, shelter, medical and legal help for migrant maids – mainly Sri Lankans – in need of assistance.

3. The Ministry of the Interior’s General Security department is in charge of controlling the entry, stay and departure of foreigners in Lebanon.

4. Maids call their female Lebanese employer ‘Madame’ (French word for Madam) just as ‘Madames’ use this term with maids when they refer to themselves or any woman in their company. If I am visiting a friend, for instance, she will call her maid and ask her to bring me coffee using these words: ‘Nanda, bring Madame coffee’. ‘Mister’ is used for male employers.

5. It is true that, nowadays, very few Lebanese women wish to work as maids. When or if they do, they usually do not live‐in and they charge higher fees than foreign maids.

6. Freelancers, by comparison, can refuse a meal offered to them whilst at work. I remember Ramia (a freelancer I employed for a few years) coming to my flat after she finished cleaning another one. She was hungry. I asked her: ‘Didn’t the employer there offer you some food?’ She replied: ‘Yes, she did but I refused to eat. You see, she is dirty’.

7. The average age of the Sri Lankan women I interviewed was 33, with a minimum age of 19 years and a maximum of 63. Most (80 per cent) were married, divorced or widowed and most had children.

8. The maid called her employer Mama (mother in Arabic). This is quite uncommon (as mentioned previously, female employers are called Madame), but not unique when it comes to elderly employers. This reasserts the ‘part of the family’ dynamism taking place within the household.

9. This is the locale I chose to hold my 90 in‐depth interviews with Sri Lankan maids. In fact, it proved difficult to enter homes to interview live‐in maids. Permission from the employer is required in the first instance. When I did manage to interview live‐in maids at their employers’ house, I realised that the results were not conclusive. Despite reassurances of confidentiality, they were afraid to make any negative comments about their employer or their employment and living conditions. The embassy afforded a more conducive environment to interview maids. I observed, alongside the interviews, activities going on within the embassy as Lebanese employers and agents came in on a regular basis to ‘claim’ their maids.