Daughterwork in times of social upheaval

Abstract

This paper focuses on adult daughters’ experiences of daughtering and role changes during the COVID-19 pandemic. The relationship between daughters and their parents is a topic of importance given its importance in families and potential to impact wellbeing. The pandemic presented a disruption to women’s lives in multiple domains, creating a need for rapid change and adaptation, though daughters’ experiences have been missing from our recent cultural conversation of the invisible load women shoulder. The overarching research questions for this project is: How do participants describe their daughtering experiences and relational communication strategies during and after a time of social, familial, and career disruption? Using in-depth, semi-structured interviews of women who identified change to their daughtering, professional, and family lives, this paper discusses the ways a crisis can provide opportunities for flexible daughtering and meaningful connection as well as a time to reflect on one’s most important relationships.

Keywords:

• Adult daughters
• crisis
• daughtering
• family communication
• role
• changes

Communication is vital for strong family relationships over a lifespan, and adult daughters actively work to keep their families connected (Alford, 2021; Shrier et al., 2004). However, for adult daughters, maintaining ties to parents can be an intense and complex experience, with both costs and benefits for their resources and relationships (Brake, 2020; Perry-Jenkins & Gerstel, 2020). When the novel coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic began, everyday caring experiences for women were dramatically impacted as social upheaval created ripple effects across society.

Emerging research has shown that adult children experienced chronic uncertainty (Hernandez & Colaner, 2021) and role disruptions (Hernandez & Colaner, 2022), but most research from this time focused on women’s second-shift parenting experiences (Power, 2020) or participation in eldercare needs (Archer et al., 2021). There remains much we don’t know about women’s third-shift experiences, providing care for extended family members (Gerstel, 2000), particularly how daughters restructured their role performances to meet the daughtering needs of their parents.

This study seeks to understand how social changes brought about by the COVID-19 pandemic impacted women’s experiences daughtering their parents. Daughtering is an adult woman’s agentic behaviors enacted as part of her family role in relation to her parent(s) and a form of caring that contributes to relational maintenance (Alford, 2021). Care, according to Midgette and Ferreira (2023), can be defined as “sustained and committed attention to, responsiveness, and engagement in addressing the needs of another (within the family)” (p. 254). These authors note that care is an effortful and multi-step process, recognizing care as a form of labor. Daughtering can also be considered a form of kin work, which is unpaid labor that relatives do to care for one another in their attempt to foster meaningful connection (Hornstra & Ivanova, 2023; Perry-Jenkins & Gerstel, 2020). Previous qualitative research has shown that while kin work is key to maintaining intergenerational ties among family members, the construct is imprecisely defined, invisible, and under-valued by family members (Hornstra & Ivanova, 2023). At this point, it is unclear what impact a social pandemic has on an adult daughter’s kin work and care with her parents—relationships where intense and complicated bonds, intimacies, reciprocities, and mutual social expectations govern role behaviors—but a conceptually relevant framework for understanding how women make familial decisions is relational maintenance.

Relational maintenance strategies are communicated patterns of behavior that sustain and norm relationships (Stafford & Canary, 1991). Kin work, an often-invisible form of care (Hornstra & Ivanova, 2023), is a relational maintenance behavior deployed to maintain and strengthen family ties. One benefit of relational maintenance is that the work put into the relationship is returned with fulfillment from interacting with other role players (Aloia, 2020). Thus, relational maintenance is conceptually a dyadic and interactive experience, wherein family members (acting within their roles) invest in relationships and reify the relational expectations through kin work. Recent research has shown that both relationship expectations and investments in adult parent-child relationships impact intergenerational relationship quality, and thus wellbeing, for both parties (Marckmann, 2021; Seidel et al., 2020). Thus, kin work is a meaningful way to explore the communication dynamics within families.

Daughters, specifically, provide kin work for a variety of reasons such as to connect, care and support, or invest in a system with reciprocal benefits (Seidel et al., 2020). Recent work has explored the importance of valuing the work provided by family members to maintain relational ties (Alford, 2021) and the significance of emotional bonds between adult children and their parents (Hornstra & Ivanova, 2023). Not all adult child/parent relationships are harmonious, however, and other research has shown the darker side of family interactions, and the ways caregiving can be exploitative (Brake, 2020).

Little is known about how adult daughters, specifically, experience and maintain family connection in times of dramatic change or social upheaval, such as the COVID-19 pandemic. Past research, however, has shown that women often bear the brunt of responsibility when crises occur at home, work, or in the extended family (Hernandez & Colaner, 2022; Power, 2020). Particularly for professional women—those balancing changing workplace demands alongside immediate and extended family concerns as well as societal shifts—increased care needs (or the perception of such) for parents can increase stress and negatively impact wellbeing, yet still women persist in providing upstream support, for a variety of motivated reasons (Seidel et al., 2020). The current investigation seeks to understand how the COVID-19 pandemic impacted the possibilities for meaningful connection in adult daughter/parent relationships and the experience of daughtering. The following research question guides this investigation: How do participants describe their daughtering experiences and relational communication strategies during and after a time of social, familial, and career disruption?

Method

Participants

First, IRB approval was obtained. Participants were eight individuals who completed an online questionnaire and a live interview. Nonrandom convenience, snowball sampling methods were used to recruit eight participants, all professional women in a Southwestern state who helped recruit additional participants from their networks; and individuals from the author’s personal and professional network. In order to be eligible, participants needed to be at least eighteen years of age, self-report as an adult daughter, be professionally employed at the outset of the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020 and be willing to discuss at least one parent with whom they were in relationship. Regarding ethno-racial identity, six participants self-identified as White, Not Hispanic, one as White, Hispanic, one as Black, and one as Asian, which was collected on a demographic questionnaire via Qualtrics. Seven participants identified as heterosexual and one as pansexual. Participants ranged in age from 28–63 years old (M = 43). All participants were given pseudonyms for the purpose of this manuscript.

Procedures

Once participants accessed the Qualtrics survey and completed a demographics questionnaire, they read a definition of daughtering and confirmed their ability to provide stories of their experiences related to the topic. Video interviews were scheduled on Zoom where participants responded to broad questions such as, “Can you tell me about your relationship with each of your parents?” generative questions like, “How did that experience you just shared change your thinking process about being a working professional and adult daughtering during this crisis?” and probing questions such as, “Did you want to be doing the amount of daughtering you were doing? Why or why not?” Interviews were semi-structured, and each proceeded organically based on the participant’s stories and responses. All interviews were transcribed using Zoom’s software, then moved into NVivo qualitative data analysis software. Braun and Clarke’s (2022) experiential thematic analysis approach, where the goal is to explore the truth of participants’ contextually situated experiences, was applied. After noting researcher subjectivity (e.g., Covid experiences, daughterhood, and personal identities), which can be an asset in this form of analysis, open coding began, focusing on responses over form, and an initial set of categories emerged from the data. Second round coding allowed for refining the categories, noting connections between the guiding research question and theory. Finally, the third round of coding involved refining and noting epiphanies within the data. Lastly, reflexive participant collaboration, a form of member checking, was completed with participants to share findings and offer an opportunity for additional feedback (Motulsky, 2021)

Results

Four themes were found in participants’ responses related to daughtering role changes, impacted by COVID-19: daughtering is adaptive action, daughtering is adaptive timing, daughtering is a priority, and daughtering involves meta-reflections.

Daughtering is adaptive action

The responses in this theme refer to the way daughters adapt their caregiving methods and intensify their efforts to meet the changing needs of their parents, particularly during challenging circumstances like the COVID-19 pandemic. In the face of social change, daughters rapidly adapt to the needs as they arise, changing their daughtering in form, function, and intensity. For example, they used technology when in-person visits weren’t possible. “At least once a week—it was probably closer to three times a week—we’d Facetime with my parents during dinner, which we have never, ever, ever done before” (Casey). Similarly, Bianca described daily Snapchats with her parents, which were an increased usage of the app and a replacement for in-person visits they were not able to have. Participants not only said they used technology in new ways, but also noted the effort they put into coordinating the communication, for instance: “I’m the one that arranges gatherings and does Facebook events” (Sabrina). Participants noted that they took on new tasks, especially physically demanding activities that needed to be done, but were hindered due to the pandemic: “Talking is a big part of daughtering, but there’s also stuff that we do” (Sabrina). Examples of tasks included painting a house (while socially-distanced and wearing masks), driving long-distances for visits, and making big family dinners for extra loved ones living in-residence.

Lastly, participants described having a generally larger load in response to parents’ needs during COVID-19; daughters respond by matching that need. For example, Tillie described her mother moving in with her family and the load that she took on: “Everything that happens in this house is on me.” This theme demonstrates how daughters adjusted their daughtering practices, often using technology for virtual connections and taking on additional tasks and responsibilities to support their parents during times of social change, emphasizing their capacity to adapt and take decisive action in response to evolving situations.

Daughtering is adaptive timing

This theme is characterized by the need for daughters to maintain flexibility and readiness to address unexpected caregiving responsibilities, often requiring rapid responses to emergent situations involving their parents. Participants noted that daughtering required responding to issues as they popped up unexpectedly. Daughters had a sense of vigilance due to the COVID-19 social circumstances, which kept them on alert: “There are so many unknowns that can make things go sideways” (Tillie). Different from non-crisis times where daughtering can be planned, like anticipating an upcoming holiday, these times of heightened vigilance required additional mental resources and managerial thinking from daughters supporting their parent(s). For example, Jan said daughtering meant being in “constant problem-solving mode” which was a stressor. The need for daughtering at any moment required women to give over some dedicated mental space to preparedness in the event they were called upon; many found this to be inconvenient or even annoying. Vanya said, “I mean that’s one thing about daughtering is, you learn really quickly you’re not prepared for it. It’s a distraction, and you have to learn to manage it and know that it’s part of your life.” This theme illustrates how daughters, especially during challenging periods like the COVID-19 pandemic, perceive the need to remain attentive for sudden caregiving demands, leading to a persistent state of problem-solving and increased stress.

Daughtering is a priority

This theme highlights how daughters place significant importance on daughtering their parents, often prioritizing it over other responsibilities, guided by a sense of familial obligation and personal values. Participants noted that they made time for daughtering, despite other constraints on their time. Investing in their family was an important reflection of their belief system: “I value family so I still made it a priority … There is a responsibility to take care of our people.” (Bianca). Daughtering happens when its needed, and it takes a priority place in many women’s lives. Sabrina said: “During that time, I called her every single day to see how she was feeling. I would call and say, ‘It’s time for the daily “bothering.”” Participants described giving time and resources to ensure that daughtering was accomplished. While the triggers for daughtering may be unpredictable, the relationship with parent(s) retains importance that supersedes the bother. In this theme, daughters’ responses demonstrate how they consistently prioritize daughtering, motivated by a deep commitment to maintaining family bonds, even when it includes interruptions or inconveniences.

Daughtering involves reflecting

This theme explores how daughters use introspection to understand their role, values, and relationships, especially when navigating challenges and personal growth during times like the COVID-19 pandemic. Through the interview questions that probed for stories on daughtering, participants provided reflections about the nature of daughtering: “In the beginning it was a lot harder to be a daughter” (Diane). They also spoke about what it means to daughter. For example, Bianca said that the pandemic experience: “Made me realize that life is short, and family is more important” while Casey stated that she observed: “Covid was a catalyst for emotional support.” Participants revealed that the experience of daughtering through the COVID-19 pandemic provided an opportunity to reflect on their relationships and their role as an adult daughter. For example, Ruby experienced challenging communication conflicts with her mother and said: “My mom is not going to change; my mom is who she is. What I can do is to determine what I share with her and how I share it with her” (Ruby). Participants’ reflections also contributed to decision-making for their future role behaviors. For example, Vanya said: “I have to carve out time mentally” to do her work as a daughter and a mother. Daughters reflect on their role and relationships, gaining deeper insights into the meaning and impact of daughtering, leading to realizations about personal boundaries, family priorities, and the evolving nature of their role responsibilities.

Discussion

Results suggest that daughterwork—the intersection of daughtering and kin work—molds to meet the expressed need in times of social upheaval, absorbing the changes by creating new and different opportunities for meaningful connection with parents. These results echo the findings of other studies on the importance of adult children’s support for their parents, particularly during the COVID-19 pandemic (Gilligan et al., 2020; Hernandez & Colaner, 2022). Findings suggest that flexible, committed, and meaningful daughtering plays a fundamental role in the relational maintenance process, and times of crisis provide an opportunity to reflect upon daughtering efforts.

Both parents and greater society have the potential to help daughters who may become overwhelmed with demands from first, second, and third-shift responsibilities. Despite unprecedented upheaval, women will attempt to juggle competing demands on their time, while also endeavoring to maintain tight bonds with those they love. Previous research provides a guide for families to provide adult daughters with empathy and support: Noticing, outsourcing, and thanking. First, while daughterwork may be lovingly given, it is no less considered labor than any other form of care (Brake, 2020). Attending to the work of daughtering and creating an awareness of a daughter’s limited resources may also be an important tool in preventing these love labors from becoming sites of exploitation (Brake, 2020). Second, where possible, it may be reasonable to outsource labors (such as household chores or finding a therapist to share stressors and worries with) rather than relying on adult daughters to shoulder the full emotional care burden (Lightfoot & Moone, 2020). It is critical, however, to acknowledge that for many, care labor decision-making was constrained by cultural and socioeconomic factors, especially during the COVID-19 pandemic; type, intensity, and the obligations of unpaid work vary greatly by culture, gender, race, and socioeconomic status (Gilligan et al., 2020; Power, 2020). Third, appreciating daughterwork as important to the relationship can contribute to a woman’s sense of mattering, a key construct for understanding positive functioning, wellbeing, and life’s purpose (Paradisi et al., 2024). Importantly, future research should follow-up to determine whether the recommended strategies effectively support adult daughters with their daughterwork.

A limitation of the current study is the small sample size, relative homogeneity, and nonrandom sampling techniques which limit generalizability to the greater population. Thus, future research should explore how additional variables, such as socioeconomic status, influence enactment of daughtering kin work. Furthermore, since not all daughtering is kin work, but can also play out as social expectations, cognitive representations, or identities (Alford, 2021; Alford & Harrigan, 2019), scholars can also explore how other contextual factors of social upheaval influence meaningful connection between adult daughters and parents.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author(s).