“Coming Out” as a family with an LGB member in Japan: Normalizing strategies and negotiating with social norms

ABSTRACT

Research on parents of an LGB child demonstrates the processes of parents’ emotional and behavioral changes leading them finally to accept their children. Only after parents accept their children will they be able to start their own process of “coming out”. This article examines how families with an LGB member in Japan come out by negotiating with social norms. Interviews with family members in Japan revealed that most respondents went through emotional and behavioral changes to accept an LGB member; however, their struggle continued even after they accepted an LGB member due to their fear of negative judgments by others around them. Also, the respondents felt more difficulty coming out to people they know than to anonymous others. How the respondents try to control their emotions and negotiate with others reveals that families face difficulties dealing with one of their members being an LGB person and coming out to others despite social improvements surrounding the LGB community in general. This shows that a certain degree of stigma against sexual minorities at the interpersonal level remains strong in the society. In response, respondents used a normalizing strategy in order to avoid possible conflicts with people in close relationships.

KEYWORDS:

• Families of LGB individuals
• coming out
• social norms
• normalizing strategy
• Japan

Notes

¹ Minority sexualities include lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and/or questioning and asexual (LGBTQA). I intentionally use the term “sexual minorities,” “minority sexualities” or “people with minority sexualities” to distinguish them from “majority sexuality (heterosexuality and cisgender).” Since the term “diverse sexualities” also includes heterosexuality and cisgender, it may result in neglecting marginalized and discriminated experiences of people with minority sexualities. Though this paper deals with the case of LGB (lesbian, gay, or bisexual) people and their families of origin, I use the broader terms above when reporting general information about their experiences.

² Same-sex marriage is not legally allowed in Japan. However, there are same-sex couples who live like married couples in Japan. Some of them went to a country such as Canada to receive a marriage certificate. Other couples received a certificate from a municipality in Japan that recognizes same-sex partnerships. Some couples “adopt” their partner so that they can be in the same family register (koseki). There are also couples who introduced their partners to their family, had a wedding, and thereby received social recognition.

³ Total collected data was 1259 respondents and the return rate was 48.4 percent.

⁴ Since 2015, there have been surveys of public opinions on LGBT conducted by Asahi Shinbun and Dentsu, a Japanese advertising company. Though their research samples have some limitations, their results show that the rate supporting same-sex marriage has increased (Yamashita, January 12, 2019).

⁵ Her son and his partner were married in the US and since his partner is an American they are protected by the law if they live in the US.

Additional information

Notes on contributors

Kotona Motoyama

Kotona Motoyama is a Senior Lecturer at the Global Communication Center of Japan Advanced Institute of Science and Technology (JAIST). Her specialized fields are Diversity Studies, Gender and Sexuality Studies, Minority Studies and Study of Discrimination. She has delivered speeches and lectures on Diversity Studies, which aims at the eradication of discrimination of any kind through education, at junior and high schools in Japan and universities in different countries.