Fat fuckers and fat fucking: a feminine ethic of care in sex therapy

ABSTRACT

Through the regulation of both femininity and fatness, dominant norms in queer communities construct fatness and femininity as excessive, desexualised/hypersexualised, and undeserving of sexual desire, pleasure, and care. Care, as a feminine ethical stance emphasising relationality and interdependency, is not typically associated with fucking, yet is critical in sex therapeutic work and interventions. In this article, we contend that fat scholarship, femme theory, and care ethics offer productive intersections in terms of crafting an ethic of care in sex therapy practice and activism for fat bodies of all genders. Using the example of the Fat Fuckers workshop developed in Ontario, Canada, offered internationally and online, this article describes how sex therapeutic work that combines fat activism, care, community building and relationality works at the intersections of femme theory, fat studies, and care ethics. This article combines theory with praxis by describing the Fat Fuckers workshop as a form of fat activism that simultaneously promotes fat identification and care for fat bodies in sex therapy while illustrating a nuanced form of feminine relationality for fat subjects and sexualities. Through this, practical tips are described for practitioners (e.g. sex therapists, activists and sex workers) with theoretical implications for sexuality scholars.

KEYWORDS:

• Fat studies
• sex therapy
• femme theory
• care ethics
• psychotherapy

Acknowledgments

We would like to thank Sarah Meng (they/them) for their assistance with the Fat Fuckers workshops and Dr. Allison Taylor and Dr. Rhea Ashley Hoskin for their support of our writing.

Data Availability Statement

Data sharing is not applicable to this article as no participant data were created or analysed in this study. No empirical data or participant data were used in this article. We avoid referencing any participants’ statements, their feedback of the workshop and any information that would identify them, whether provided by them or observed.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author(s).

Notes

1. Following fat studies and fat activism, in this article, fat is used as an identity marker and a term that purposefully challenges negative assumptions, beliefs, and stereotypes regarding fat itself as well as fat people as an act of reclamation (Cooper, 1998; Ellison, 2020; Rothblum & Solovay, 2009).

2. In this article, we reclaim the terms fuck and fucking in relationship with sexuality scholarship that employs the terms to denote sexuality as a form of radical deviance of the status quo (White, 2016).

3. Hoskin and Taylor (2019) originally draw from Keeling (2007) and Story (2007) to theorise the hypervisibility/invisibility of femme and fat bodies. Davies (2021) and Davies and Neustifter (2021) draw from Hoskin and Taylor’s theoretical work building on Keeling and Story.

Additional information

Notes on contributors

Adam Davies

Adam Davies (they/them) is an Assistant Professor in Family Relations and Human Development at the University of Guelph in Guelph, Canada. Adam holds a PhD in Curriculum Studies & Teacher Development with collaborative specialisations in Women and Gender Studies and Sexual Diversity Studies from the University of Toronto and researches gay masculinities, LGBTQ schooling, critical disability studies, and early childhood education.

Ruth Neustifter

Ruth Neustifter (they/them) is an Associate Professor and Graduate Faculty Member at the University of Guelph in Couple and Family Therapy. Ruth’s research areas include sex therapy, intersectional practice in couple and family therapy, LGBTQ+ sexualities, fat studies, and sexuality education. Ruth is Co-Chair of the Anti-Oppression Rainbow Lab at the University of Guelph