Parents coping with the death of their child: From individual to interpersonal to interactive perspectives

Abstract

Scientific research on the impact of the death of a child on parents is reviewed. A major aim is to extend coverage from individual to social – in particular interactive – perspectives. We not only illustrate how such approaches complement each other, but also how different conclusions can be reached when interactive phenomena are examined. Intrapersonal studies are first reviewed, covering grief reactions as well as the range of health consequences and risk factors, including intrapersonal coping processes. Results attest to the severe impact of this type of loss across multiple dimensions of parents’ lives. More social approaches are then reviewed. The impact of a child’s death has been shown across diverse social phenomena (which also affect individual grief and grieving), including informal and professional support patterns, effects on the couple’s relationship and on couple coping and communication. Finally, attention is focused on one social dimension in particular, namely, interactive coping processes. We describe our own initial research within this domain, on a phenomenon identified as partner-oriented self regulation (POSR; holding in grief for the partner’s sake). The paradoxical results on POSR (its negative consequences for the partner as well as self) highlight the inherent social – as well as personal – nature of grief and bereavement. Implications for future research are outlined.

Keywords:

• bereavement
• grief
• family
• death of child
• coping

Notes

1. 1. Interestingly, a long time ago, Gilbert (1989) spoke of such a phenomenon: ‘ … the husband would contain his emotions with the intent of protecting his wife from further hurt’ (p. 614). Importantly, Gilbert went on to suggest the impact of this – in our terms POSR phenomenon – could have: ‘If she were to interpret his behavior as uncaring and cold, rather than loving and protective as he had intended, the result would be a conflict between intent on his part and interpretation on hers. … this was one of the most common forms of mistaken meanings in behavior … ’ (p. 614).