“I Thought They Would at Least Love Me”: The Gay Experiences of Heteronormative Regimentation in Indian Families, a Phenomenological Ethnography

Abstract

This paper inquires into the heteronormative regimes of sexual morality, focusing on the experiences of gay and queer men within the locus of family. Drawing upon a phenomenological ethnography involving interviews with the Indian gay community, this study demonstrates the disciplinary power of sexual morality over queer lives. It examines the varied strategies of moral regimentation within the locus of family, including regimenting through silencing, moral dictation, and penalizing. These strategies reflect the prevailing conservative and sex-negative attitudes in Indian society, particularly patriarchal expectations toward men and the pressure for marriage, which augments familial and social burdens on gay men, resulting in emotional distress. The cumulative effects lead to gay men living double lives, presenting a socially accepted façade while repressing their authentic queer selves, indicating a guilty conscience and internalized homophobia. These experiences correlate with risky sexual behavior, substance abuse, and overall compromised mental health. This phenomenological inquiry highlights the role of the family as a locus of moral control of queer individuals and contributes to the sociological understanding of morality as a power-relation.

Keywords:

• Regimes of morality
• sexual morality
• homosexuality
• India
• family
• phenomenological ethnography

Acknowledgment

This work has been inspired by and dedicated to my Shyāma. Also, I would like to acknowledge the continuous assistance and suggestions from Professor Reena Cheruvalath, without whom this research paper would not have materialized.

Ethical approval

This inquiry has been approved and cleared by the research ethics committee of BITS-Pilani, KK Birla Goa campus.

Informed consent

Since the study involves human participants, informed consent was obtained from all the participants of the study.

Disclosure statement

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author(s).

Notes

1 By heteronormativity, I refer to the normative enforcement of heterosexist ideological systems that disparage non-heterosexual gender-sexual behavior with the coetaneous normalization of heterosexual modes of genderal existence and sexual behavior; ergo, the heteronormative regimes of sexual morality denote the regimes of social morality that enforce heteronormativity through varied strategies of moral regimentation of queer individuals.

2 The usage of the term queer men here implies men who have sex with men, homosexual men, bisexual men, or simply men who label themselves queer.

Additional information

Funding

No funds, grants, or any other financial support were received for this research project.