“It’s a Horrible Sin. If They Find Out, I Will Not be Able to Stay”: Orthodox Jewish Gay Men’s Experiences Living in Secrecy

REFERENCES

• Abes, E. S. (2011). Exploring the relationship between sexual orientation and religious identities for Jewish lesbian college students. Journal of Lesbian Studies, 15, 205–225.
   PubMedGoogle Scholar
• Afifi, W. A., & Burgoon, J. K. (1998). “We never talk about that”: A comparison of cross-sex friendships and dating relationships on uncertainty and topic avoidance. Personal Relationships, 5, 255–272.
   Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Afifi, W. A., & Guerrero, L. K. (2000). Motivations underlying topic avoidance in close relationships. In S. Petronio (Ed.), Balancing the secrets of private disclosures (pp. 165–180). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.
   Google Scholar
• American Psychological Association. (2012). Guidelines for psychological practice with lesbian, gay, and bisexual clients. American Psychologist, 67, 10–42. doi:10.1037/a0024659
   PubMed Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Ariel, Y. (2007). Gay, Orthodox, and trembling: The rise of Jewish Orthodox gay consciousness, 1990s–2000s. Journal of Homosexuality, 52, 91–109.
   PubMed Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117, 497–529.
   PubMed Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Beals, K. P., Peplau, L. A., & Gable, S. L. (2004). Stigma management and well-being: The role of perceived social support, emotional processing, and suppression. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 35, 867–879.
   Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Beck, M. (2010, August 9). Orthodox attitudes to gay people shift. Guardian. Retrieved from http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/belief/2010/aug/09/gay-orthodox-judaism-rabbis
   Google Scholar
• Beckerman, G. (2010, July 28). Debate over homosexuality now roiling Orthodox Jews. Jewish Daily Forward. Retrieved from http://forward.com/articles/129696/debate-over-homosexuality-now-roiling-orthodox-jew/
   Google Scholar
• Burgoon, J. K., & Buller, D. B. (1994). Interpersonal deception: III. Effects of deceit on perceived communication and nonverbal behavior dynamics. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 18, 155–184.
   Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Chaudoir, S. R., & Quinn, D. M. (2010). Revealing concealable stigmatized identities: The impact of disclosure motivations and positive first‐disclosure experiences on fear of disclosure and well‐being. Journal of Social Issues, 66, 570–584.
   PubMed Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Cole, S. W., Kemeny, M. E., Taylor, S. E., & Visscher, B. R. (1996). Elevated physical health risk among gay men who conceal their homosexual identity. Health Psychology, 15, 243–251.
   PubMed Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Coyle, A., & Rafalin, D. (2000). Jewish gay men’s accounts of negotiating culture, religious and sexual identity: A qualitative study. Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality, 12, 21–48.
   Google Scholar
• Cox, S., & Gallois, C. (1996). Gay and lesbian identity development: A social identity perspective. Journal of Homosexuality, 30, 1–30.
   PubMed Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• DePaulo, B. M., Ansfield, M. E., Kirkendol, S. E., & Boden, J. M. (2004). Serious lies. Basic and Applied Social Psychology, 26, 147–167.
   Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Finkenauer, C., Engels, R. C. M. E, & Meeus, W. (2002). Keeping secrets from parents: Advantages and disadvantages of secrecy in adolescence. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 31, 123–136.
   Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Finkenauer, C., & Hazam, H. (2000). Disclosure and secrecy in marriage: Do both contribute to marital satisfaction? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 17, 245–263.
   Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Finkenauer, C., & Rime, B. (1998). Socially shared emotional experiences vs. emotional experiences kept secret: Differential characteristics and consequences. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 17, 295–318.
   Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Flett, R. (2012). ‘‘To tell or not to tell?’’ Managing a concealable identity in the workplace. Vulnerable Groups & Inclusion, 3. doi:10.3402/vgi.v3i0.16145
   Google Scholar
• Friedersdorf, C. (2013, February 13). A gay, celibate Christian’s conflicted take on same-sex marriage. Atlantic. Retrieved from http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2013/02/a-gay-celibate-christians-conflicted-take-on-same-sex-marriage/273589/
   Google Scholar
• Gates, C. J. (2011). How many people are lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender? The Williams Institute. University of California School of law. Retrieved from http://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/research/census-lgbt-demographics-studies/how-many-people-are-lesbian-gay-bisexual-and-transgender/
   Google Scholar
• Goldberg, D. J., & Rayner, J. D. (1989). The Jewish people: Their story and their religion. London: Penguin.
   Google Scholar
• Golish, T. D. (2000). Is openness always better?: Exploring the role of topic avoidance, satisfaction, and parenting style in stepparents. Communication Quarterly, 48, 137–158.
   Google Scholar
• Gottlieb, D. (2007). Poverty and labor market behavior in the Jewish ultra-Orthodox society in Israel. Policy Research Series, 4, The Van Leer Jerusalem Institute (in Hebrew).
   Google Scholar
• Greenberg, S. (2004). Wrestling with God and man. Madison, Wisconsin: University of Wisconsin Press.
   Google Scholar
• Halbertal, T. H., & Koren, I. (2006). Between “being” and “doing”: Conflict and coherence in the identity formation of gay and lesbian Orthodox Jews. In D. P. McAdams, R. Josselson, & A. Lieblich (Eds.), Identity and story: Creating self in narrative (pp. 37–61). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
   Google Scholar
• Heilman, S. (1992). Defenders of the faith: Inside ultra-orthodox Jewry. New York, NY: Schocken Books.
   Google Scholar
• Helfgot, N., Adler, Y., Allen, D., Alpert, H., Amaru, J., Anscelovitz, E., … Zweiter, S. (2010, July 22). Statement of principles on the place of Jews with a homosexual orientation in our community. Retrieved from http://statementofprinciplesnya.blogspot.com/
   Google Scholar
• Hsieh, H. F., & Shannon, S. E. (2005). Three approaches to qualitative content analysis. Qualitative Health Research, 15, 1277–1288.
   PubMed Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Jones, S. R., & Abes, E. S. (2004). Meaning-making capacity and the dynamics of lesbian college students’ multiple dimensions of identity. Journal of College Student Development, 45(6), 612–632.
   Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Kelly, A. E. (2002). The psychology of secrets. New York, NY: Kluwer Academic/Plenum.
   Google Scholar
• Kelly, A. E., & Achter, J. A. (1995). Self-concealment and attitudes toward counseling in university students. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 42, 40–46.
   Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Lane, J. D., & Wegner, D. M. (1995). The cognitive consequences of secrecy. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69, 237–253.
   Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Lincoln, Y. S., & Guba, E. (1985). Naturalistic inquiry. Newbury Park, CA: Sage.
   Google Scholar
• Major, B., & Gramzow, R. (1999). Abortion as stigma: Cognitive and emotional implications of concealment. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 77, 735–745.
   PubMed Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Mariner, R. (1995). The Jewish homosexual and the Halakhic tradition: A suitable case for treatment. In J. Magonet (Ed.), Jewish explorations of sexuality (pp. 83–94). Providence, RI: Berghahn Books.
   Google Scholar
• Mark, N. (2008). Identities in conflict: Forging an orthodox gay identity. Journal of Gay & Lesbian Mental Health, 12, 179–194.
   Google Scholar
• Marty, M. E., & Appleby, S. R. (1993). Introduction: A sacred cosmos, scandalous code, defiant society. In M. E. Marty & R. S. Appleby (Eds.), Fundamentalism and society: Reclaiming the sciences, the family and education. The Fundamentalism Project (vol. 2; pp. 1–19). Chicago, IL: University of Chicago Press.
   Google Scholar
• Mass, J., Wismeijer, A., Van Assen, M., & Aquarius, A. (2012). Is it bad to have secrets? Cognitive preoccupation as a toxic element of secrecy. International Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology, 12, 23–37.
   Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Masuda, A., Anderson, P. L., Wendell, J. W., Chou, Y. Y., Price, M., & Feinstein, A. B. (2011). Psychological flexibility mediates the relations between self-concealment and negative psychological outcomes. Personality and Individual Differences, 50, 243–247.
   Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• McLean, K. (2007). Hiding in the closet?: Bisexuals, coming out and the disclosure imperative. Journal of Sociology, 43, 151–166.
   Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Mirkin, M. P., & Okun, B. F. (2005). Orthodox Jewish Families. In M. McGoldrick, J. Giordano, & N. Garcia-Preto (Eds.), Ethnicity and family therapy (pp. 689–700). New York, NY: Guilford.
   Google Scholar
• Mosher, C. M. (2001). The social implications of sexual identity formation and the coming-out process: A review of the theoretical and empirical literature. Family Journal, 9, 164–173.
   Google Scholar
• Pachankis, J. E., & Goldfried, M. R. (2006). Social anxiety in young gay men. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 20, 996–1015.
   PubMed Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Quinn, D. M., & Chaudoir, S. R. (2009). Living with a concealable stigmatized identity: The impact of anticipated stigma, centrality, salience, and cultural stigma on psychological distress and health. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 97, 634–651.
   PubMed Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Roesler, T. A., & Wind, T. W. (1994). Telling the secret: Adult women describe their disclosures of incest. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 9, 327–338.
   Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Schnoor, R. F. (2006). Being gay and Jewish: Negotiating intersecting identities. Sociology of Religion. 67, 43–60.
   Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Shai, D. (2002). Working women/cloistered men: A family development approach to marriage arrangements among ultra-orthodox Jews. Journal of Comparative Family Studies, 33, 97–115.
   Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Sheleg, Y. (2000). The new religious Jews—Recent developments among observant Jews in Israel. Jerusalem: Keter Publishing (in Hebrew).
   Google Scholar
• Ullrich, P. M., Lutgendorf, S. K., & Stapleton, J. T. (2003). Concealment of homosexual identity, social support and CD4 cell count among HIV-seropositive gay men. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 54, 205–212.
   PubMed Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• United Jewish Communities. (2003). National Jewish population survey, 2000–01. New York, NY: United Jewish Communities.
   Google Scholar
• Uysal, A., Lin, H. L., & Knee, C. R. (2010). The role of need satisfaction in self-concealment and well-being. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 36, 187–199.
   PubMed Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Uysal, A., Lin, H. L., Knee, C. R., & Bush, A. L. (2012). The association between self-concealment from one’s partner and relationship well-being. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38, 39–51.
   PubMed Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Vangelisti, A. L. (1994). Family secrets: Forms, functions, and correlates. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 11, 113–135.
   Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Vargo, M. (1998). Acts of disclosure: The coming out process of contemporary gay men. New York, NY: Harrington Park Press.
   Google Scholar
• Vohs, K. D., Baumeister, S. K., & Ciarocco, N. J. (2005). Self- regulation and self presentation: Regulatory resource depletion impairs impression management and effortful self-presentation depletes regulatory resources. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 88, 632–657.
   PubMed Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Vrij, A., Paterson, B., Nunkoosing, K., Soukara, S., & Oosterwegel, A. (2003). Perceived advantages and disadvantages of secrets disclosure. Personality and Individual Differences, 35, 593–602.
   Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Wegner, D. M., & Lane, J. D. (1995). From secrecy to psychopathology. In J. W. Pennebaker (Ed.), Emotion, disclosure, and health (pp. 25–46).Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
   Google Scholar
• Wismeijer, A. (2011). Secrets and subjective well-being: A clinical oxymoron. In I. Nyklíček, A. Vingerhoets, & Marcel Zeelenberg (Eds.), Emotion regulation and well-being (pp. 307–323). New York, NY: Springer.
   Google Scholar
• Woods, S. E., & Harbeck, K. M. (1992). Living in two worlds: The identity management strategies used by lesbian physical educators. Journal of Homosexuality, 22, 141–166.
   PubMed Web of Science ®Google Scholar
• Yarhouse, M. A., & Beckstead, A. L. (2011). Using group therapy to navigate and resolve sexual orientation and religious conflicts. Counseling and Values, 56, 96–119.
   Google Scholar
• Zhang, S., Merolla, A. J., Sun, S., & Lin, S. F. (2012). The nature and consequences of topic avoidance in Chinese and Taiwanese close relationships. Asian Journal of Social Psychology, 15(3), 156–166.
   Web of Science ®Google Scholar