Identity Management and Relational Culture in Interfaith Marital Communication in a United States Context: A Qualitative Study

Abstract

This study explored the identity management processes in interfaith marital communication in a United States setting. Sixteen marital partners participated in this interview study. Interviews were transcribed verbatim, interpreted, and analyzed. Guided by identity management theory, the interview data analysis revealed three general themes: development of the interfaith relational identity via the co-creation of a superordinate spiritual and value system; implementation of relational boundaries to prioritize the relational identity; and identification of key milestone decisions (i.e. wedding plans and children socialization coordination) interfaith partners face in their intimate relationships. Contributions, limitations, and directions for future studies on interfaith marital communication are addressed.

Keywords:

• Identity management
• relational culture
• intercultural communication
• identity management theory
• interfaith marital communication

Acknowledgements

We would like to thank the reviewers for their astute feedback through the editorial process as well as the participants whose voices shaped this research as they shared their stories.

Notes

1. Critical Incident: A Family Affair: Grandparents’ 50th Wedding Anniversary*

Daniel and Leilani have been married for nearly two years. Daniel was raised in a conservative religious household, is active in church activities, and is deeply committed to his beliefs. Leilani has a strong belief system but does not strongly adhere to a religion. As a child, her family only loosely participated in religious events. Daniel and Leilani have been able to work out their religious differences throughout most of their relationship. Before they were married, neither of them considered their religious beliefs to be necessarily at odds. Most of the time they overlooked their differences entirely. Having been married for only two years, their religious disparities have not yet been a factor of intense conflict. Granted, they have had some arguments here and there, but they feel committed in their relationship and love for one another. In fact, Daniel and Leilani are convinced that their relationship can withstand any troubles.

Leilani’s grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary is coming up soon. This is a joyful and exciting event for the entire family. Leilani is eager for her and Daniel to visit her native home of Veracruz and introduce him to all of her relatives. As they are preparing for the trip, Leilani is excitedly telling Daniel how happy she is that he will get to spend time with her family in her hometown. Her grandparents would be celebrating 50 years of marriage. What a wonderful occasion for them to spend with the entire family! Leilani continued to fill Daniel in on the planned activities: the traditional family picture, the dinner and of course, the church ceremony in which her grandparents would renew their vows and all family members would attend.

Upon hearing about attending the church ceremony, Daniel immediately becomes very agitated. He tells Leilani that he cannot attend the church ceremony because he would feel uncomfortable participating in another church’s religious services. Leilani is confused and distraught. Daniel insists she should not go either as this would make him feel left out and alone. However, the ceremony includes the entire family. After Leilani’s grandparents walk into the church, their children will follow, and then the grandchildren.

Leilani is expected to attend and she has been looking forward to this ceremony for months. Daniel is insistent that they not attend the church service. Leilani is torn. She doesn’t want to leave Daniel behind or have a problem with him, but she also doesn’t want to disappoint her family, especially her aging grandparents. What should Leilani do? Should she stay with Daniel and skip the religious service? Or should she go to the church knowing that Daniel will be very upset?

Choose the solution that you consider best resolves the issue:

1. Leilani should explain to her grandparents that Daniel’s religious beliefs stop him from attending the ceremony and she needs to stay with him so that he doesn’t feel left out.

2. Leilani should explain to Daniel how important this event is for her and encourage him to attend with her.

3. Leilani should just go to the church and worry about the conflict with Daniel later.

4. Leilani should stay with Daniel and never bring up the issue to her family, hoping that no one notices her missing from the church.

5. Leilani should just cancel the trip because it would be too difficult and embarrassing to explain to her family the situation with Daniel.

6. Your creative solution:

*Source: An original critical incident developed by Laura V. Martinez, Human Communication Studies, CSUF, 2015.

2. Interviewees’ responses to the critical incident mirrored the overall interview data notion that their relationship took precedence over their individual religious identities. Through the use of this critical incident, participants were able to project their opinions to an imaginary scenario and as such, the incident is a useful tool to outline how interfaith partners manage their religious and relational identities. The critical incident described a relational dilemma between the fictional characters Daniel and Leilani. Leilani’s grandparents’ 50th anniversary celebration is near but her husband Daniel’s religious beliefs impede him from attending the church service. Interviewees were tasked with choosing the best way for Leilani to resolve the situation. They were given a choice of five possible resolutions to Leilani’s dilemma. If no option seemed appropriate, interviewees could create their own solution. Most interviewees identified with Leilani and had a strong negative affective reaction towards Daniel. Twelve of the 16 interviewees selected, “Leilani should explain to Daniel how important this event is for her and encourage him to attend.” While some interviewees did not understand why the situation would present complications and considered Daniel to be overreacting, others relayed that the situation would be difficult to resolve in a manner that would satisfy both parties. Interviewees predominately noted that Daniel needed to prioritize his relationship with Leilani over his religious beliefs and that Leilani should attend the ceremony with or without Daniel. Some interviewees identified Daniel as being “selfish,” “a little brat,” a “pig-headed idiot,” “a jerk,” and an “asshole.” Other interviewees labeled the dilemma as being “tough” or “difficult” to resolve. Some interviewees identified with Daniel, claiming they too had felt uncomfortable attending their spouse’s religious services in the past. Others identified with Leilani because they had received similar refusals from their own partners when inviting them to attend specific religious events. However, interviewees agreed the situation required Daniel to give precedence to his relational identity over his religious identity. Responses to the critical incident corroborated the findings that interfaith partners effectively manage the dialectics of their religious identities by deemphasizing these for the development of a cohesive relational culture. Several interviewees also reinforced the notion that if Daniel continued to refuse after Leilani communicated the importance of the event, she should respect his decision and not try to force him to attend. This reaction further supports establishing and respecting interfaith relational boundaries as identified in negotiating the interfaith couplehood culture.