When Relief Replaces Loss

Abstract

In the world of childhood trauma and abuse, there is a subset of children who not only endure abuse from a parent or caregiver but are also hated. In treatment, accurately identifying this hatred can help clients who struggle, for example, with feelings of indifference to aging or dying parents. This article explores issues created for individuals who were hated by a parent or caregiver, including the loss of a loving relationship with the parent before one ever existed. The author distinguishes between moments of hate and sustained parental hatred that defines the parent-child relationship. Attachment theory is used to examine the early parent-child dynamic. The author addresses the importance of working at the transgressive edge between protocol that disavowed the parent’s hatred and the client’s experience of being hated. Clinical vignettes, including the author’s own experience of being hated by a parent, are used throughout the article to link theory with clinical experience and application.

• parental hatred
• disorganized attachment
• transgenerational trauma
• protocol
• transgressive edge

Notes

Declaration of Conflicting Interests The author declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect to the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.

Funding The author received no financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publication of this article.

Additional information

Notes on contributors

Edward T. Novak

Author Biography

Edward T. Novak, MA, is a member of the editorial board of the Transactional Analysis Journal and has been interested and engaged in transactional analysis psychotherapy for 20 years. He is a graduate of the National Institute for the Psychotherapies’ National Training Program in Contemporary Psychoanalysis and maintains a private practice in Akron, Ohio. He can be reached at 1653 Merriman Road., Suite 212, Akron, OH 44313, USA; email: [email protected].